Transgender - The Transamorous Network

July 13, 2018July 13, 2018

Hollywood trans snubbing…is it over?

Despite a lot of hubbub about transgender characters not being represented in film some are making it quite nicely in Hollywood thank you very much.

Now, before anyone sends hate mail our way, NOTE THAT WE ALWAYS focus on the positive here at The Transamorous Network because, we know, when you aren’t focusing on the positive YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM NOT THE SOLUTION.

Focusing on the problem seems like the way to go because it agitates and gives the activists something to do while the natural progression of “it’s always getting better” takes care of….making things better. We love a recent tweet we saw (today actually) that speaks volumes:

So when you’re fighting against some injustice, you’re just causing more of that injustice to happen. Just like if you push against someone, they dig in their heels.

So we are super-stoked to give massive props and congrats to Canadian Actress Cassandra James for her role playing a trans character in the iconic and legendary Soap Opera General Hospital. It’s a massive accomplishment and we are eager for her to represent the community is a positive way. We also are eager to see even more good trans actors and actresses get Hollywood roles in the future.

In the meantime, Cassandra is in good company. In our Facebook Live Show IN YOUR FACE, we noted Alexandra Billings playing the role of a judge in the Amazon series Goliath alongside Billy Bob Thornton. A convincing portrayal, we must add (way to go Alexandra. You nailed the role). What’s particularly of note here is Alexandra’s status as a transperson played no part in her character’s role. That’s nice, because we recently were talking about transgender people playing straight roles or at least roles where their transness is irrelevant. To see Alexandra playing a judge (a major part of the show) was refreshing.

Screen Shot 2018-07-13 at 11.14.59 AM.jpg — Alexandra Billings via Instagram

So, despite what people are compalining about, there is progress being made. There is always room to go, of course. There is forever room to grow. That’s what makes life the thrilling ride that it is.

But to claim that no progress is being made is only participating in the problem. Not acknowledging the progress evident. We know if everyone focused their energies on what’s going right – in every aspect of life – we wouldn’t have the polarized society we have in America, including the rancor we see between cis and trans, but we also know that variety/diversity is the spice of life. And that diversity includes diversity of life experience.

Way to go humanity!

June 26, 2018June 20, 2018

Transgender not a mental illness: WHO

WHO TRANSGENDER.jpg Sometimes, large organizations are among the slowest to wake up and smell the roses. But at least they do….eventually.Is th

The World Health Organization (WHO) recently announced it is revising its international manual of diagnoses in order to DECLASSIFY transgender as a mental illness.

Just in time for Pride.

A big deal?

Well..it is a big deal because according to IFL Science, which first broke the news, codes in the manual of diagnoses are used by countries to determine where to invest resources as well as how to set certain insurance billing standards. By declassifying being transgender as a mental illness, it now becomes an sexual health issue of, not a mental health one, which removes a lot of stigma from being trans and might offer more resources to the community.

At least at the international diplomatic level.

But hey, every bit of progress IS progress and should be celebrated.

WHO says enough evidence exists suggesting that being transgender is not a mental disorder and classifying it as such can cause “enormous stigma” for those who identify themselves as transgender.

Of course, we knew that.

Now, we also knew there always has been evidence confirming being trans (or trans attracted) is not a mental illness. It’s understandable though that WHO is making the “now there is enough evidence” argument: they have to reach all their constituency, which I’m sure includes people who still disbelieve.

It’s great to see the WHO joining the growing list of organizations coming to the right side of history. Here’s a video of a WHO representative speaking about the revision:

February 27, 2018January 23, 2018

How to have a happy life: trans or transattracted

wishful thinking Photo by Jeremy Yap on Unsplash — Photo by Jeremy Yap on Unsplash

A few transwomen (and, admittedly, a couple trans attracted men) read our material or check out our videos, then claim that we advocate the “silly” idea that if you just think happy thoughts, you’ll have a better life. Or if you meditate you’ll “get everything you want”.

We don’t say that.

Well, we do, but that’s a kind of shorthand describing a much more detailed process through which you already are, right now, creating the reality you’re experiencing. What we do advocate is a process which involves examining the stories you tell about your world, your “reality”. Then, after examining those stories, we advocate using a deliberate, conscious process that leads to new stories. These new stories are part of a larger process we describe more deeply in our material, a process that does actually get you everything you’re wanting: more money, that lover you want, that fulfilling and enjoyable work you wish you had, a safe place to live…whatever.

But we can’t go through the entire process in every one of our shows. That would be too repetitive and b-o-r-i-n-g.

Instead, we use a shorthand. That’s why we harp on “telling positive stories”.

Quote Photo by Tom Barrett on Unsplash — Photo by Tom Barrett on Unsplash

Here’s a summary of the process. Again, it’s not as simple as this, that’s why it’s called a summary. Following this process will, guaranteed, produce a life where you have everything you’re wanting. No exceptions.

Let’s say you’re wanting to become a doctor. You create your reality. So to create the reality in which you are a doctor, here are the steps we recommend (and stand behind as guaranteed to work):

You must realize you are creating the realty you experience. For many, this is the most difficult step.
You must realize the creative momentum you have created up to this point. This momentum is creatively expressed as the life you currently have, warts and all. That creative momentum is strong and going against it, while possible, is going to take a while, just as it took a while to get where you’re at. So….
You must then start changing the stories (beliefs) you have about the reality you currently have. The primary story needing changing is that you think the world just “happens to you” out of some random, uncontrollable set of criteria such as your race, location, politics etc (see step one). Another primary story might be that you think things can not ever change. That story sounds like this: “Life sucks”, “Men are always…”, “Transwomen are always treated…” “Transwomen are all….”…
You must understand the nature of “momentum” (what it is and how it works) and begin creating momentum in the direction of where you’re wanting to go ( in our example, becoming a doctor).
Then you must begin telling stories about why you want to become a doctor, stories that create certain emotional responses within you. This emotional response is your first indicator that you have begun changing your reality. Meditation is certainly part of the process because, for most people, the mind is unruly and seemingly random in its thinking. It must be reined in to serve the deliberate creative process instead of creating willy-nilly or seemingly randomly.
Point five is a major milestone, known as the “Be” of the “Be, Do, Have” process resulting in becoming a doctor.
You must then continue telling such stories and having these certain emotional responses while training yourself to become sensitive to your inner being’s guidance through quieting your mental activity (meditation). As you become more sensitive, you will begin noticing you are receiving impulses to think certain thoughts and take certain actions. One, thought, for example might be “what is required to become a doctor?” You might then be inspired to go to the library or get on the internet and start researching. This is the “do” part of the process. You are being guided by your inner being to have thoughts (stories) and actions (manifested reality) that accord with “doing” what doctors do.
Over time, supposing you are consistent in the seven steps above, you MUST wind up in the “have” part of the “Be, Do, Have” process where you have, in actuality, your actual, real life, become a doctor.

That’s it. There is nothing magical to the process. It is not about daydreaming or telling yourself untrue stories. There’s a lot more to it than these eight steps because one must get clear on an accurate nature of “reality” and where it comes from for this process to really work, but that’s essentially it.

And it works.

Every time.

It is even working for you right now, although in a probably indirect, in-deliberate way. For many people, that’s why they have a life that is less than fulfilling. It’s not because of fate, or the circumstances, being born in the wrong place or even being trans or transattracted. It’s simply because people aren’t deliberately creating the life they can have. So they get the one they got.

That’s why we say everyone can have the life they want. It begins with telling positive stories. When are you going to get started?

January 30, 2018January 23, 2018

When trans exploitation isn’t

fullsizeoutput_20ea We did a show recently about Rihanna’s statement about trans exploitation. It was taken out of context and reported that she would not hire transgender people as part of her cosmetic line’s marketing campaigns. She didn’t actually say that. But people in the trans community were quickly polarized by her comments. Some said her desire not to exploit trans people was spot on. Others, like the woman who wrote me personally about it, said Rihanna was a transphobic false ally like many other people in the world.

On IN YOUR FACE we talked about nuance of interpretation. How interpretation determines mind set and vice versa. Your perception of the world, in other words, is determined by your mindset. And, your mindset is ongoingly re-shaped by your perception. Since you can control your perceptions, you can consciously design your mindset.

However, most people live life unconsciously, focusing on nearly anything crossing their path, and allowing pretty much anything into their perceptions with little question as to whether those things are shaping the mindset they want to have or not. So, as one IN YOUR FACE audience member aptly put it: “Sometimes we focus on the negative out of habit”. So the question is, what is your habit?

There is no doubt in my mind transgender people are being exploited. The question is, is that exploitation harmful or not?

The woman who wrote me about Rihanna’s purported comments claimed I need to get better at “reading between the lines” so I could see what is really happening. What is really happening usually when people “read between the lines” is they are making up an interpretation of what they are perceiving, not actually reading between the lines. That interpretation is determining their mindset. So it should be no surprise that some people will see Rihanna as transphobic while other see her as an ally. Some people have trained themselves to see a mostly negative world, in which people are generally not very nice. Some see the opposite: a world where people are generally agreeable, happy and positive. And there are all kinds of shades in between. How you see the world is crucial, for it shapes your life experience.

Putting this in our language, the stories you tell yourself about life experience determines how you experience your reality. If you tell yourself the story that people are mostly transphobic, or that there are transphobic people in the world, then it’s easy to read a misleading story then conclude Rihanna is transphobic. Rather than, say, thinking critically about the article, doing some more research and thereby coming to an alternative interpretation. One that gives Rihanna more grace in the matter.

Same goes for how you see yourself. If you’ve been taught certain stories that make being trans-attracted a negative personality characteristic – one that is sinful, aberrant, gross, perverse, “gay” or whatever – those stories are going to shape your mindset of not only your world, but of you. So key to overcoming these stories is become aware of them, then create new ones that, over time, change the momentum of your self-perception and of the world. It’s not always easy…well it is…but it’s definitely worth doing. We talk about this in the show I referred to above as well. It’s really worth going back and watching if you haven’t.

There is no doubt in my mind transgender people are being exploited. The question is, is that exploitation harmful or not? I don’t think it is. In the end exploitation leads to more awareness and understanding that transgender people are human. Which by the way means they are capable of being exploited. Along with that realization comes something every human community can benefit from, particularly the trans community: compassion. Compassion for ourselves and compassion for others.

And maybe then, we in the trans community can extend a bit of compassion to those we think are transphobic. For even their transphobia promotes understanding and compassion for our transgender brothers, sisters, lovers and friends.

January 23, 2018January 3, 2018

2018: No better time to feel happy

Feeling happy feels good - photo Lesly Juarez — (Photo credit: Lesly Juarez)

There’s nothing better than feeling happy. Feeling happy is the start of all you want. It’s also the end of all you want: All you do you, do because you think you’ll feel better doing it. “Feel better” means getting closer and closer to feeling happy. So why not take the shortcut?

I recently conversed with a transamorous man who recently met a transwoman. He loves transwomen (obviously) but, while he is open to transwomen about his attraction, he’s not yet out to others. In other words, he’s not living an authentic, out-loud life.

I recently also had a conversation with a married transgender woman, a beautiful person from the EU. She just recently married and, to my surprise, the family of her husband (a cis man) doesn’t know she is transgender.

Now, I’ve spoken to so many transamorous men who are living their lives out loud, I am absolutely convinced there is power, joy and freedom in living transamorously, out loud. Gone is the fear. Gone is the stress. Got is the hiding. Gone is the drama.

And you know, what you fear being discovered is actually already known by others. They may not know the specifics. But they know. You think you’re hiding your attraction, but others pick up on your insecurity. Not only that, the women you find yourself attracted to also pick on it.

Sadly enough, when you’re living in the closet about your trans attraction, insecure about what others might think or say about you, you bring into your life perfect-match transwomen: transwomen who, like you, are equally as insecure. I guess that’s not so sad because you create your reality. Meaning, you can bring into your life dream-trans-women. But to do that, you first have to come to terms with yourself.

So if only for the reason of meeting better matches, it behooves you to learn to accept who and what you are and live your life out loud. It’s 2018 for goodness sakes! The world is in upheaval in the face of the transgender movement. Now is the perfect time to declare who you are.

And let the chips fall where they may.