Thoughts - The Transamorous Network

August 1, 2017July 19, 2017

Your circumstances match your stories

FullSizeRender Ok, in my last post I explained how most people’s life-experience-creation mechanism is operating on autopilot or default. Odds are good that you’re in the same boat: you don’t know much about stories and how they create your life experience. Heck, you may not even believe – let alone know – that you’re eternal or that you control your life experience.

Or maybe you do. I actually don’t now everyone who reads the stuff I write. But a LOT of people don’t. So the odds are, you’re among them.

And so you may be going through life ignorant that every time you complain about something you’re telling a story. And that story is creating circumstances which match your story. It doesn’t matter that it is something you don’t want. This is how the process works.

The good news is this mechanism comes with an indicator. We call it our emotions. Stories you tell that are not creating circumstances you want to experience cause you to feel negative emotion. Those that are leading to circumstances you’re wanting to experience cause you to feel positive emotion.

Now I want to explain what that means in terms of dating and getting what you want in that area and other areas of life experience.

If you’re telling the story that all men are chasers, it is not possible for you to meet men who aren’t.

If you’re telling yourself that your family disowned you and wants nothing to do with you, it is impossible for them to be anything other than what matches your story. In other words, they can’t change in the face of the story you’re telling about them. Yes, other people are part of your life experience and they, just like everything else in your life experience, is a result of your stories. That includes how they behave towards you.

I know, that sucks. But that’s what’s happening.

If you’re feeling shame, embarrassment, lack of confidence, insecurity, or fear as a trans person, you are telling extremely powerful negative stories, stories which are unconscious to you (you aren’t aware of them). But the feelings of shame, embarrassment, lack of confidence, insecurity, or fear you do feel are trying to alert you to them.

If you’re a trans attracted guy and feeling shame, embarrassment, lack of confidence, insecurity, or fear as a trans attracted person, you are telling extremely powerful negative stories, stories which are unconscious to you (you aren’t aware of them either). Others pick up on that shit. So they say things (like jokes and jabs) that further confirm your negative stories. They do things which indicate you are to remain feeling shame, embarrassment, lack of confidence, insecurity, or fear as a trans attracted person.

Those are just three examples of what is going on as you create your life experience as you go, and reap the benefits thereof.

So there is a purpose to suffering. What is it? It indicates the stories you’re telling are leading you to what you don’t want. Meanwhile, your life experience matches the stories you tell yourself. So there really are two indicators letting you know how you’re doing creating your reality: how you feel and what you’re getting in your life experience. If your life experience is sucky, you’re telling sucky stories.

July 26, 2017July 26, 2017

BREAKING: Dear Donald: There already are transgender servicemembers

Screen Shot 2017-07-26 at 08.44.22 AM — Ex-Navy SEAL Kristin Beck: Was she any less lethal a Navy Seal?

This morning President Trump announced via twitter that no people who happen to be transgender will be allowed to serve in the military citing the need for our armed forces to be “…focused on decisive and overwhelming…..victory…and [therefore] cannot be burdened with the tremendous medical costs and disruption that transgender [sic] in the military would entail.”

This is a strange decision, and an interesting way of announcing a major military policy reversal, but that’s beside the point. The main point: there already ARE and have been transgender armed service members. They serve everywhere, including the Navy’s elite special warfare combat crew, which works along with Navy Seals. It should also be noted that a former Navy Seal also has come out as transgender. Our armed forces are lethal. Even with transgender service members in it.

It seems this action may be less about military lethality, and even less about being transgender. It may have far more to do with politics in our opinion. Or maybe race: The right has avowed to reverse all decisions the first black President of the United States made during his two-term presidency.

Before the transgender community gets up in arms, or worried, check your stories. Those who follow our content know this is a crucial moment in time-space reality. You must respond in a way that creates future realities you’re wanting to see, not the ones your fear-based stories will create. So create interpretations of this situation that give you positive feelings. Not feelings of worry, anger, frustration or powerlessness.

“This is ok. Things change.”
“There will be another president. This will not stand.”
“I’m happy to know that in the long line of time, justice always prevails.”

You can’t go from feeling despair, powerless or grief, to feeling happy, joyful and optimistic. That’s too far of an emotional jump. But you can make your way from that really negative story to one of “less negativity”:

If you’re feeling powerless, and you can get yourself to feelings of anger or desire for revenge, you have improved your story. A story generating feelings of powerlessness sounds like this, for example: “Transgender people will never be respected in this world” or, “Transgender people will always be denied their rights.” You can move from powerlessness to anger or revenge with this kind of story, for example: “That motherfucker Trump is a fucking DICK!!!!” or, “I’m glad I’m not in the military, because if I was, I would get medieval on those cis-het-white PRICKS!!!!!!”
If you can move from anger to worry or frustration, you have improved your story. For example, you can move from the anger-inducing stories above to these: “I’m concerned about what my friend, who is in the service and trans, will do. I guess I’ll call him and see how he’s doing.” Or: (if you’re in the military) “This sucks. I’ve just come out to my Guard command. Now I gotta wait and see how this is going to affect me. But I know I have friends here. So I’m good. Just frustrated. It’s all going to work out.”
If you can go from frustration to pessimism, you have improved your story. For example, you can relatively easily get from the above stories to the following: “I’m not sure this is going to turn out well, but we’ll see.” Or: “This means people in the military who are transgender are going to have to be discharged. That’s not good.”
And if you can go from pessimism to boredom, contentment or hopefulness, you have improved your story. For example: “Ok. I’m glad I’m not in the military so I don’t have to worry about this. Trump sucks, but at least this doesn’t effect me.” Or: “You know, hopefully in four years (or less, if he gets impeached), we won’t have to deal with this silliness.”

These kinds of things take time to unfold. Just because the Trump Administration made this decision today doesn’t mean it will remain in place forever. In the meantime, transgender people will still serve. They will, for the time being, have to do it the way they had before President Obama allowed them to serve openly. But they will do it nonetheless.

Remember this: if one president can decree it perfectly acceptable to serve in the military and be transgender, so can another. Just like with healthcare*, the cat is out of the bag. Transgender servicemen have tasted the sweet life of serving “out”. They won’t for long allow that sweet life to be denied. And neither will their allies, friends and families. Including those transgender community members who succeed in taking political office in the future.

Chin up. Life is great. All is going well.

*Today, while the right continues to “repeal and replace ‘Obamacare’”, two-thirds of Americans believe healthcare is a right and that government should ensure healthcare coverage.

SaveSaveSaveSave

July 25, 2017June 23, 2017

Creating suffering by default

So last week I explained that a lot of people are suffering because they don’t know two critical components of what they are: (1) that they are eternal, and (2) that they are in control of their life experience and they exercise that control through the stories they tell.

As a result of this lack of knowledge, their life-experience-creation mechanism is operating on autopilot. Rather than deliberately telling stories about experiences people want to have in their life experience, they are telling stories by default, in obliviousness, unconsciously….however you want to put it, by looking at their life experience and then complaining about it.

A complaint is a story.

So people, generally, are looking at their life experience and selecting things to complain about, more than they are looking at and selecting things to praise. An even better option would be to ignore altogether the “now” reality and focus totally (or as much as possible) on the life experience one wants to have.

If you look at the transgender community, a lot of women are complaining about their life experience. They are telling stories about situations in their life experiences that they want to be different, instead of telling stories about situations they want, and situations they have which please them. They don’t know they are telling stories and that those stories are resulting in more of what they’re telling stories about, but it doesn’t matter that they don’t know, because awareness is not a prerequisite to the mechanism working!

Next time we’re going to bring this full circle back to you and that trans attracted man you keep calling a chaser.

July 11, 2017June 23, 2017

How suffering is eminently logical

FullSizeRender 2 In my last post I suggested there is a logical reason why some transgender women (and some trans attracted men) suffer. The same is true for anyone who suffers. But to understand suffering, one has to understand the nature of stories and why they are so important.

Stories are the tales you tell yourself about everything you experience, including your self. Told often enough, they become beliefs. Stories told often, or shared by many, determine what the story-teller experiences in her life experience. In this way, each of us as individuals, shape our experiences. This is quite easy to prove to yourself with a bit of practice and guidance on what to look for while practicing.

Why would stories we tell ourselves create our life experience?

That is a splendid question. One quite logical reason why our stories might create our life experience is because each of us is a powerful, creative being, who, through life experience gains tremendous satisfaction and joy. Through such experiences, one becomes more aware of one’s identity, the identity that endures even after the physical body can no longer sustain us.

What if, you were totally free to choose your life experience and that this life experience was just one of an infinite number you have experienced and will experience. If you were totally free, you’d need some kind of mechanism through which you could exercise your freedom and design your experience right? Such a mechanism would need to preserve your total freedom, even when you’re in the midst of your chosen life-experience. What better mechanism than the ability to use “creativity” to create stories which, in time line up life experience with the content of a given story?

But how would you know if your stories are leading you to what you want, instead of what you don’t? That is where negative emotion comes from. Negative emotion is what suffering is. So suffering is an indicator telling a person the stories they’re entertaining aren’t creating the life experience they want.

Sounds crazy to say one’s stories are “reality-creators” and that negative emotion is an indicator that we’re using our creativity to create life experiences we don’t want. But diligent practice with this mechanism will reveal to anyone who tries that this is indeed the case.

So why then are so many people suffering? Why doesn’t everyone enjoy blissful lives? Another good question, which I tackle next time.

July 4, 2017June 29, 2017

Freedom and being trans…or not

The detransitioners A Seattle weekly magazine focused recently on a transgender story few want to talk about.

That is, unless your agenda includes seeing transgender people as a big problem.

The topic: detransition.

According to the article, this topic riles all fringe elements of communities affected by people who come out as Trans. The Alt-Right, radical feminists, even people I would call radical trans-activists seem to bristle at the possibility that people sometimes don’t know either what they want, or who, or what they are.

But that is life.

Some people grok their identity early on. Others take years. Others change their mind. Someone who changes their mind doesn’t invalidate decisions others have made who haven’t changed their mind.

Which is interesting because the anecdotal examples in the “take caution” perspective towards becoming transgender point to destransitioners as more than exceptions. They are examples that some people (maybe a lot according to these people) don’t know what they are doing and are therefore being harmed or unduly influenced by society, peer pressure, what they call a trend or worse.

But the article quotes Ami Kaplan, a therapist in New York who has worked with transgender, gender variant, and genderqueer clients for more than 20 years as saying that after two decades in practice, she knows of only one client who fully transitioned and then later detransitioned. Twenty years of practice seems to me to be a strong body of evidence.

In some cases, the transgender community may not be helping the issue. A few people, such as a person quoted in the article, claim that some medical practitioners, fearful of being seen as a gatekeeper, “lean toward wanting to help people transition.” This fear obviously is coming from clinician’s concern about how the transgender community sees them. And, that probably has to do with their livelihood: if they make a living serving the community, certainly being seen as a gatekeeper could have income-limiting effects.

Says one detransitioner:

“I didn’t really feel like I could talk to my counselors about detransitioning in the way that I wanted,” she said, “because they have specific political views, and I felt like if I said I had these criticisms of the whole concept of transitioning, they would have thought I was being brainwashed by transphobic bigots or whatever.”

The world is a big place. There are a lot of people in it. That means a lot of stories. This article has a lot to say to those open-minded enough to read it. Ultimately freedom-to-be seems to be the key here: while our society pushes against us in so many ways, ultimately, people must come to the point where “I am free to choose” is the guiding light of their life experience.

Read the full article. It’s worth it.