Sarah, as you may know, is a major rising celebrity in the world. Not just in the transgender community, Sarah is making a name for herself on the political stage…literally, as she was the first transperson to grace the stage of a major political convention.
We talked with Sarah about intimacy, love, romance, what it’s like living one’s dreams and how others can actualize their dreams into their reality. But what was most interesting was our conversation about her brief but pre-destined relationship with her late husband. In that portion of our show, she waxed poetically about relationships and how profound and full of grace they can be.
Gentleman, there are so many women out there who happen to be trans who are appreciating us and our choice to live authentically. There are many who are sane (as sane as any other human), curious, open-minded and willing to self-examine. If I were in the shoes of men dealing with close-mindedness, drama and negativity, I wouldn’t say or think one more word about these women. If I were in these guys’ shoes, I’d focus on these other women, the empowered and employed, the happy and successful, until THEY are the dominant kind of transgender women I encounter.
If I wasn’t meeting these kinds of women now, I would focus on the idea of them. I would keep focusing on the idea of them and, listening to my inner voice, follow the impulses and explore where they lead. I would do this because I know in time I would begin rendezvousing with these kinds of women over and over until they were my dominant experience.
Along the way, I would look for and praise every result I could find as I did all this. No matter how small I would praise it. In this way, I would draw to me all manner of healthy, happy transwomen, and in my example be a powerful testimony for brothers like me.
“Once I accepted that my sexuality was OK and that it could be expressed in a healthy & romantic way, I felt years of shame and stress melt away. It has been one of the most powerful and freeing experiences of my life.”
I love it when a guy realizes he doesn’t have to live in the shadows of shame, misery and stress. Last week the following email, from a man who found our blog, landed in my inbox:
First of all, I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your positive energy, your bravery and your passion in putting together this website. I’ve come out to family and friends in the past 6 months as trans-amorous, as a result of self-reflection and digesting articles and videos that affirmed my experience. I am grateful for internet resources such as yours, because although I had talked to certain friends and therapists for many years about this attraction, people had given me well-meaning, but ultimately damaging advice, essentially fetishizing and marginalizing the attraction.
One article in particular (I wish I could remember what it was!) highlighted that when we treat attracted to trans people as a paraphilia, it implies that men who are attracted to trans women are either 1) closeted gay (which made no sense to me) or 2) have something wrong with them, which means that trans women are implicitly unloveable! That hit me really hard and made me realize that these views are extremely destructive both to cis people like myself and to trans people.
Once I accepted that my sexuality was OK and that it could be expressed in a healthy & romantic way, I felt years of shame and stress melt away. It has been one of the most powerful and freeing experiences of my life. I’ve started to connect to the trans and queer communities and have befriended a couple of trans people, and been on a few normal dates with trans women, although online dating hasn’t really been ideal so far. I just purchased the your book, and am really excited to gain some insights… Perhaps I’ll learn something by looking at it as well. Anyways, I really appreciate what you’re doing and hope to connect at some point. I’ve considered putting myself out there more online/ perhaps creating some videos or similar content, and your website is inspiring me in such a way. Perhaps I can help others avoid the years of suffering I went through.
More men realize their attraction to transgender women is normal, healthy and natural. I suspect we’re going to get more of these kinds of emails in the future.
I talked with “John” about online dating and how sucky it is. We agreed there has to be a better way. And there is. The first step is getting happy. You get happy by telling stories that make you feel good. From there, the Universe takes care of the rest. I’m eager to keep talking with “John” as we all continue down this road of transition.
Those angry about increasing visibility of transgender people need to “get over it.”
Those aren’t my words. Although I agree with them. They are Robin Hammond’s Words. Who’s Robin Hammond? He’s the guy who took the National Geographic cover photo of transgender girl Avery Jackson. Though the issue hasn’t been published yet, National Geographic is being both hailed and hated for it.
It’s just another step in the eventual full embrace of transgender people worldwide.
I’ve seen a lot of responses to this photo. Which is beautiful by the way. Avery’s quote is so perfect. Since we focus on positive aspects the Transamorous Network, I’m not going to recount negative comments people and organizations have made about it. Instead, I’m going to quote Hammond’s reaction to them, which I think is gold:
“[Some people are] likely scared of change,” He said. “They saw a world where [being trans] didn’t exist and now they see it as a new thing. It’s sad for them because it leaves them closed off to people who are different to them.”
“The best thing about being a girl is now I don’t have to pretend to be a boy.”
– Avery Jackson
If you’re interested in reading more about Hammond and his remarks, you can read this article. Here’s National Geographic’s explanation for their exceptional cover.
First, there are no “problems”. Since you probably, like most people, believe there are, we need to unpack that. I’ll get back to the fact that there are no problems in a moment.
Having trouble finding love? Having trouble finding work? Tired of all those “crazy” transwomen you keep meeting; the gold-diggers, players, skeezers, cheaters? Tired of all the chasers, the guys who are in the closet, guys that want you to “top” them? Are you tired of hearing about people like you getting beaten and killed? Are you one of those people whose parents want nothing to do with you?
There’s a way out of all that. But first, you have to really look at where all these problems are coming from. I mean really look. If any of the problems above (or any other problem) is your experience, and that experience has you feeling sucky, there’s something you can do to relieve yourself of them. Yes, “them”, meaning, all of them. But it’s going to take some time and it’s going to take some work. The first task: understand the one thing all your problems share.
That thing is YOU.
There is no way to deny that you are the common denominator of all your problems. The plain fact is, if you weren’t here, you wouldn’t be experiencing your problems. If you didn’t exist, your problems – at least as you’re experiencing them – wouldn’t exist because your experience wouldn’t exist. Right?
Seems obvious, right?
This is so eye-rolling obvious, but I would bet, dear reader, that you haven’t stopped to think about how that obvious fact plays into your problem-experience. That you are the center of all your problems is why you are always meeting the same guys or girls in your search for love. It’s why you’re having a hard time finding that job you like. It’s why you’re stuck feeling like being trans is so hard.
If you didn’t exist, neither would your problems.
Since you are the common denominator of all your problems, doesn’t it stand to reason
No denying it honey. You’re the problem.
that the solution to these problems isn’t “out there” in your “reality”, it’s somehow “in there” in side “you”? There’s an old saying: when you point a finger in blame, there are three fingers pointing back at you. Your problems aren’t the problem. You are.
This is not some “positive self-help” meme. It’s basic reality. This also is the fundamental truth about our work here. We want you to have a fabulously fun, happy and exciting life where you experience all you want and NONE OF WHAT YOU DON’T WANT. You can’t have that life though if you’re blaming your reality for all the problems you see in it. Because the more you point the finger at your reality, the more problems you sow in that reality. The way out of your problems is to realize there are no problems.
And that is no Matrix movie bullshit. It is the most accurate statement about your world.
Now you and your friends might be like “this is such bullshit, you’re blaming the victim.” We actually had a person write us recently on our YouTube channel and make that claim. The problem with that statement is, it denies the common denominator of the problem. If the victim didn’t exist, there’d be no experience.
So the question then is, how do I (that’s you) have experiences that don’t look like problems?
There are no problems. Only clues.
First, what you think of are problems aren’t. What they are are clues showing you that you have your interpretation of your life experience all screwy. You are getting clues all the time, but you don’t usually pay attention to them, so the clues get bigger and bigger until they’re undeniable. Problem (lol) is you don’t see them as clues, you see them as problems. So instead of taking the clue, you look at it and complain about it. It’s like the pointing finger. It’s a simple clue, a symbol, indicating to every human being with hands that when you look out in the world and blame something out there, there is more evidence (three fingers as opposed to one) that the Source of the problem is the person pointing the finger.
Clues you interpret as problems get bigger and bigger until you do something about them. The biggest thing you can “do” to “get the clue” is to look at the stories you’re telling yourself. Your stories are creating your life experience. The more persistent stories have more dominance in your reality-creation. So if you’re complaining all the time that the only transwomen you meet are trifling, that story is going to predominate meaning your life experience is going to only allow you to meet trifling transwomen. Your meeting trifling transwomen, and your disappointment about that repeat experience, is your clue that you have a story creating something you’re not wanting.
If you want a happy life, you have to tell happy stories about your life. But don’t expect miracles to happen over night, although it can happen that way. Old stories take time to subside. New ones take time to settle in. But the good news is, you are always able to change your stories at any time. Which means you are always able to start changing your life experience at any time too.
We recently had Sarah McBride on our The Transamorous Network Video Channel. It was a great interview spanning two twenty minute shows.
Gentleman, there are so many women out there who happen to be trans who are appreciating us and our choice to live authentically. There are many who are sane (as sane as any other human), curious, open-minded and willing to self-examine. If I were in the shoes of men dealing with close-mindedness, drama and negativity, I wouldn’t say or think one more word about these women. If I were in these guys’ shoes, I’d focus on these other women, the empowered and employed, the happy and successful, until THEY are the dominant kind of transgender women I encounter.
“Once I accepted that my sexuality was OK and that it could be expressed in a healthy & romantic way, I felt years of shame and stress melt away. It has been one of the most powerful and freeing experiences of my life.”
Those angry about increasing visibility of transgender people need to “get over it.”
First, there are no “problems”. Since you probably, like most people, believe there are, we need to unpack that. I’ll get back to the fact that there are no problems in a moment.
