Relationships - The Transamorous Network

March 28, 2017August 29, 2017

Tranny Chaser….really?

What is it about transwomen who rail against the tranny chaser. To me, it’s hypocritical. I mean, how does it feel, transgender women, when someone calls you “sir” on the street or in a store? Nevermind, I know how it feels, because my trans friends have told me.

We’re going to repeat this over and over: the men you shame by calling them names are going through a transition similar to your own. Just as you likely had to come to grips with your own identity, these men – YOUR ALLIES – are going through a transformation too.

A transformation that, for many, still has them in the closet.

Remember when you used to try on clothes in the dark or in the privacy of your room, hidden from other people’s eyes? Remember when you used to hide or explain away remnants of nail polish on your fingers? In the same way, early stage transamorous men are going through similar stages when they experiment with you. They are testing the waters. And frankly those men have made it pretty far: at least they’re at the point of interacting with the person they desire.

Sure there may be boys out there who seek a fling, but it’s much more likely, everyone who expresses interest in you is doing so because they are interested at one level or another and that interest would build if society wasn’t constantly trying to stamp it out. “Society” includes you.

Your allies, the trans-attracted men out there, need your help as much as you need theirs…and yes, you do need them because – and you really need to get this: any man who is interested in you is transamorous by definition. That means in the course of trying to accept who they are they eventually help create a society that accepts who you are.

So help them out. Consider being more compassionate to their transition. Here are some tips to handling it lovely ladies:

Offer to talk about it straight up. Don’t sweep your feelings or the guy’s feelings under the carpet. If you see him acting nervous, stop taking it personal* and realize his nervousness is ABOUT HIM. Not you.
Ask him about it, ask him what he’s feeling. Have a serious conversation about it without making him wrong or shaming him. Control your knee-jerk reaction to play the victim role.
Listen to what he says, then express some empathy. Tell him a story about your own transition. It shows him you get what he’s going through.
Ask him if he can identify the thought that has him feeling this way. Ask him if he can think of other thoughts that could trigger other emotional responses other than nervousness, apprehension, fear or shame.
If you simply can’t deal with your own emotional reaction to someone who MATCHES YOUR STORY and is behaving in a way that triggers you, then it’s better than you figure your own securities (your stories) out first. For you’re not doing anyone any favors creating drama. You’re especially not helping yourself.

Your freedom as a transgender woman is fortified when you can accept that the men who are interested in you are just as deserving of respect for their transition as you are of yours. There are no tranny chasers. There are only men who are interested – often romantically – in people like you.

*Need some help with that? Contact me.

February 1, 2017February 1, 2017

The pleasure that is Sarah McBride

SaraMcBridepromo We recently had Sarah McBride on our The Transamorous Network Video Channel. It was a great interview spanning two twenty minute shows.

Sarah, as you may know, is a major rising celebrity in the world. Not just in the transgender community, Sarah is making a name for herself on the political stage…literally, as she was the first transperson to grace the stage of a major political convention.

We talked with Sarah about intimacy, love, romance, what it’s like living one’s dreams and how others can actualize their dreams into their reality. But what was most interesting was our conversation about her brief but pre-destined relationship with her late husband. In that portion of our show, she waxed poetically about relationships and how profound and full of grace they can be.

Some quotes from our interview:

“Relationships can be the most profound expression of Grace in this world”

Her husband was fortunate to have been “Patient enough with me to give me the space,” which lead to them becoming a couple.

“The fact that we were the right people for each other and our paths were synchronized…is true!”

Tune in to both parts of the show. You’ll get a lot out of hearing what Sarah has to say. We sure did!

January 31, 2017January 29, 2017

A cheat sheet for the men

Youll find joy in your transamory Gentleman, there are so many women out there who happen to be trans who are appreciating us and our choice to live authentically. There are many who are sane (as sane as any other human), curious, open-minded and willing to self-examine. If I were in the shoes of men dealing with close-mindedness, drama and negativity, I wouldn’t say or think one more word about these women. If I were in these guys’ shoes, I’d focus on these other women, the empowered and employed, the happy and successful, until THEY are the dominant kind of transgender women I encounter.

If I wasn’t meeting these kinds of women now, I would focus on the idea of them. I would keep focusing on the idea of them and, listening to my inner voice, follow the impulses and explore where they lead. I would do this because I know in time I would begin rendezvousing with these kinds of women over and over until they were my dominant experience.

Along the way, I would look for and praise every result I could find as I did all this. No matter how small I would praise it. In this way, I would draw to me all manner of healthy, happy transwomen, and in my example be a powerful testimony for brothers like me.

January 24, 2017January 18, 2017

Years of shame…melt away

“Once I accepted that my sexuality was OK and that it could be expressed in a healthy & romantic way, I felt years of shame and stress melt away. It has been one of the most powerful and freeing experiences of my life.”

I love it when a guy realizes he doesn’t have to live in the shadows of shame, misery and stress. Last week the following email, from a man who found our blog, landed in my inbox:

First of all, I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your positive energy, your bravery and your passion in putting together this website. I’ve come out to family and friends in the past 6 months as trans-amorous, as a result of self-reflection and digesting articles and videos that affirmed my experience. I am grateful for internet resources such as yours, because although I had talked to certain friends and therapists for many years about this attraction, people had given me well-meaning, but ultimately damaging advice, essentially fetishizing and marginalizing the attraction.

One article in particular (I wish I could remember what it was!) highlighted that when we treat attracted to trans people as a paraphilia, it implies that men who are attracted to trans women are either 1) closeted gay (which made no sense to me) or 2) have something wrong with them, which means that trans women are implicitly unloveable! That hit me really hard and made me realize that these views are extremely destructive both to cis people like myself and to trans people.

Once I accepted that my sexuality was OK and that it could be expressed in a healthy & romantic way, I felt years of shame and stress melt away. It has been one of the most powerful and freeing experiences of my life. I’ve started to connect to the trans and queer communities and have befriended a couple of trans people, and been on a few normal dates with trans women, although online dating hasn’t really been ideal so far. I just purchased the your book, and am really excited to gain some insights… Perhaps I’ll learn something by looking at it as well. Anyways, I really appreciate what you’re doing and hope to connect at some point. I’ve considered putting myself out there more online/ perhaps creating some videos or similar content, and your website is inspiring me in such a way. Perhaps I can help others avoid the years of suffering I went through.

More men realize their attraction to transgender women is normal, healthy and natural. I suspect we’re going to get more of these kinds of emails in the future.

I talked with “John” about online dating and how sucky it is. We agreed there has to be a better way. And there is. The first step is getting happy. You get happy by telling stories that make you feel good. From there, the Universe takes care of the rest. I’m eager to keep talking with “John” as we all continue down this road of transition.

December 13, 2016December 9, 2016

Where your “problems” come from

Mirror First, there are no “problems”. Since you probably, like most people, believe there are, we need to unpack that. I’ll get back to the fact that there are no problems in a moment.

Having trouble finding love? Having trouble finding work? Tired of all those “crazy” transwomen you keep meeting; the gold-diggers, players, skeezers, cheaters? Tired of all the chasers, the guys who are in the closet, guys that want you to “top” them? Are you tired of hearing about people like you getting beaten and killed? Are you one of those people whose parents want nothing to do with you?

Do you pay attention to things like the latest transgender community survey?

There’s a way out of all that. But first, you have to really look at where all these problems are coming from. I mean really look. If any of the problems above (or any other problem) is your experience, and that experience has you feeling sucky, there’s something you can do to relieve yourself of them. Yes, “them”, meaning, all of them. But it’s going to take some time and it’s going to take some work. The first task: understand the one thing all your problems share.

That thing is YOU.

There is no way to deny that you are the common denominator of all your problems. The plain fact is, if you weren’t here, you wouldn’t be experiencing your problems. If you didn’t exist, your problems – at least as you’re experiencing them – wouldn’t exist because your experience wouldn’t exist. Right?

giphy-2 07-46-21-833 — Seems obvious, right?

This is so eye-rolling obvious, but I would bet, dear reader, that you haven’t stopped to think about how that obvious fact plays into your problem-experience. That you are the center of all your problems is why you are always meeting the same guys or girls in your search for love. It’s why you’re having a hard time finding that job you like. It’s why you’re stuck feeling like being trans is so hard.

If you didn’t exist, neither would your problems.

Since you are the common denominator of all your problems, doesn’t it stand to reason

point finger — No denying it honey. You’re the problem.

that the solution to these problems isn’t “out there” in your “reality”, it’s somehow “in there” in side “you”? There’s an old saying: when you point a finger in blame, there are three fingers pointing back at you. Your problems aren’t the problem. You are.

This is not some “positive self-help” meme. It’s basic reality. This also is the fundamental truth about our work here. We want you to have a fabulously fun, happy and exciting life where you experience all you want and NONE OF WHAT YOU DON’T WANT. You can’t have that life though if you’re blaming your reality for all the problems you see in it. Because the more you point the finger at your reality, the more problems you sow in that reality. The way out of your problems is to realize there are no problems.

giphy

And that is no Matrix movie bullshit. It is the most accurate statement about your world.

Now you and your friends might be like “this is such bullshit, you’re blaming the victim.” We actually had a person write us recently on our YouTube channel and make that claim. The problem with that statement is, it denies the common denominator of the problem. If the victim didn’t exist, there’d be no experience.

So the question then is, how do I (that’s you) have experiences that don’t look like problems?

There are no problems. Only clues.

First, what you think of are problems aren’t. What they are are clues showing you that you have your interpretation of your life experience all screwy. You are getting clues all the time, but you don’t usually pay attention to them, so the clues get bigger and bigger until they’re undeniable. Problem (lol) is you don’t see them as clues, you see them as problems. So instead of taking the clue, you look at it and complain about it. It’s like the pointing finger. It’s a simple clue, a symbol, indicating to every human being with hands that when you look out in the world and blame something out there, there is more evidence (three fingers as opposed to one) that the Source of the problem is the person pointing the finger.

Clues you interpret as problems get bigger and bigger until you do something about them. The biggest thing you can “do” to “get the clue” is to look at the stories you’re telling yourself. Your stories are creating your life experience. The more persistent stories have more dominance in your reality-creation. So if you’re complaining all the time that the only transwomen you meet are trifling, that story is going to predominate meaning your life experience is going to only allow you to meet trifling transwomen. Your meeting trifling transwomen, and your disappointment about that repeat experience, is your clue that you have a story creating something you’re not wanting.

If you want a happy life, you have to tell happy stories about your life. But don’t expect miracles to happen over night, although it can happen that way. Old stories take time to subside. New ones take time to settle in. But the good news is, you are always able to change your stories at any time. Which means you are always able to start changing your life experience at any time too.

Need help? We got your back. Contact us, or check out our materials. They’re gold.