Category: Relationships

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An Open Letter To The Alleged Trans-Attracted Alex Jones

Info wars press kit AJ Transattracted letter FB blog
Photo: INFOWARS Press Kit

Dear Alex,

You’re invited to take a bold, positive step in your life. A step that could literally change the course of society in the United States and elsewhere.

No, we’re not suggesting you end you “war” against whatever you think needs to be fought.

It’s much more personal than that.

It has come to our attention that you yourself revealed your own deep secret: Seems as though you find transgender women sexually alluring. Maybe even attractive.

We know a lot of men who may be like you. We know, as many others do, that those who express hate towards people often harbor some deep affinity for those very same people. So it was no surprise to us that last Saturday, you may have revealed to the world your own appetite for transgender porn.

We know very early-stage trans-attraction manifests as a secretive fascination for transgender people. This is often expressed as an indulgence in transgender porn and is often accompanied by feelings of titillation and excitement followed by deep self-loathing, embarrassment and shame.

We know this emotional mix is often a potentially incendiary combination for men you may share this attraction with: Many times trans-attracted men in early stages revert to violence against the very women they harbor a secret love for.

In a real way, that’s what you are doing when you speak about transgender women the way you do.

We know the reason men like you – men like us – resort to deeply burying their trans-attraction in shame and repressed feelings, is because family, friends and society at large convince us to believe attraction to transgender women is perverse, unnatural, wrong and, in your own words [paraphrasing] “could end society as we know it.”

Thankfully, we know, the opposite is true: love for transgender women has the potential to radically reshape society: for the better.

So you have a powerful opportunity in what we’re sure you think is a terrible, embarrassing mistake.

Often, such events can be amazing turning points.

We are inviting you to come out of the closet. Join the growing number of men (and women) who are not willing to let society shame them for what they naturally know: transgender women are attractive and worthy of love.

If you need someplace to sooth your shame, we offer two options:

  1. Start following our work. We offer a LOT of content to help men like you come to grips with their trans-attraction. The men we have interviewed and helped (as well as the transgender women) attest to our effectiveness. Transforming your trans-attraction into transamory would be an amazing shift in your approach to save the world. Particularly with your status among your viewers/believers. Imagine what could come of that. Yes, your potential income may take a temporary hit, but is all that money really worth the internal hatred you are harboring? What if your income increased as a result of your coming out?
  2. Join our collaborating organization, The Trans Supportive Brotherhood, on Facebook. Here, a small but growing number of men participate in online asynchronous conversations, sharing their trans-attraction experience in a supportive, safe, anonymous environment.

Another option: get some counseling.

We’re not big fans of that route, but we know a lot of people benefit from it. You could too.

You’re in good company Alex. There are a LOT of men who share your attraction. There is no shame in it. If you could own your own attraction, and change the tenor of what you talk about transgender people, you could literally save lives.

Thanks for reading. See you in the Trans Supportive Brotherhood.

Perry Gruber, Founder, The Transamorous Network

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Transgender, Trans-Attracted…And…Over 50

Find love FB blog

Once when visiting The Philippines, I spied a man –– probably in his sixties –– who was walking hand-in-hand with a woman. Not only was this woman less than half his size (and a quarter his girth), she was clearly a quarter his age.

Now I don’t have any issue with people dating whoever they want. That’s not the point.

The point is, while some transgender women may think all trans-attracted men are looking for relationships with young transgender women –– significantly younger –– there are trans-attracted and transamorous men out there who would prefer a transgender woman from the same generation.

And, guys, there are transgender women of mature age looking for guys their age too.

I know for sure this is the case, because both groups are writing me emails.

And while it’s probably ego-boosting, guys, to think about being with a very young transgender woman for the sex appeal perhaps, or the beauty maybe, listen up.  A long term, meaningful relationship that isn’t based on some kind of unstated, commercial exchange, is more likely with someone who has some life experience. Someone with common beliefs, and, likely, common desires.

In other words: someone whose stories match yours.

It’s highly unlikely a 58 year old’s and a 20 year old’s stories are going to match.

Unless, again, a commercial exchange is the story bringing two together. After all, there are plenty of older men out there willing to pay for the company of a younger woman. Including a transgender woman.

Happens all the time, right?

 

I’ve commented on social media accounts featuring transgender women asking moderators how come they don’t feature older transgender women.

I haven’t got a response from any of them.

hearts

I speculate mature, senior transgender women are likely too busy living their lives to post as regularly as young ones do on social media. Perhaps young transgender women who are prominent on social media find telling their stories on social media as natural. About as natural as, say a senior transgender woman sharing her stories in person.

Maybe.

Whatever the case, middle-age and senior transgender women’s and trans-attracted men’s relative absence online may cause these groups to think their matches aren’t out there, when, actually, there are lots of women in that age range. And guys too.

Interestingly, research by UCLA’s Williams Institute found that there are almost as many elderly transgender people as young. The study estimated that 0.5% (or one in every 200) of Americans aged 65 or over identified as transgender, compared to 0.7% among 13- to 24-year-olds.

So there are bound to be transgender women of all ages in your town.

Same goes with trans-attracted/transamorous men.

And remember, guys (and gals), you only need one.

It’s not surprising older men (and many older transgender women) who write us ask “is there anyone out there for me?”

That’s why we don’t encourage online dating, cruising social media or trying to find your partner anywhere other than in your hometown. Or at least nearby. But always in person. Because online dating can be brutal to one’s positive stories.

CNN recently featured a story about a person who is photographing and chronicling the joys and struggles of senior-age transgender people (yes transgender men as well). I loved stumbling onto this article because it confirmed for me there are transgender people of all ages out there.

You don’t have to settle. You can have what you want.

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Transgender Women Perpetuate Toxic Masculinity? Some Do, Yes

Dating choices FB blog
The type of men you go after says a lot more about you than anything else. But it also can perpetuate exactly what you’d like to see less of in the world.

Yes, it’s true: some transgender women are as complicit in perpetuating toxic masculinity as men. But those transgender women doing it aren’t aware they’re doing it.

Frankly, we’re not even sure the men are aware. But that’s another story.

We’ve offered many times a unique perspective on cis-trans dynamics – ways both parties in seeking partners behave – which perpetuate toxic masculinity.

Recently we discussed this from the trans-attracted male’s perspective. No doubt, these men sometimes do their part to perpetuate toxic masculine attitudes and behaviors. Particularly the “alpha male” variety – those men some transgender women desire most.

That post was a promo for our recently-released YouTube and Podcast episode. We featured Tommy Matt, an activist in many areas and a strong proponent for transgender rights. Particularly transgender women and transgender women of color.

Tommy also is a self-declared, trans-attracted man.

Tommy speaks definitively, clearly describing the role toxic masculinity plays in cis-trans relationships and potential relationships. While Tommy focuses on the men, Remy, our show co-host, does an outstanding job highlighting transgender women’s role in perpetuating toxic masculinity saying “…it takes two. Every relationship is a dance between two people’s stories.”

The conversation struck a chord for one transgender female viewer who felt strongly enough to share her opinion. It’s powerful enough to repeat here:

“…trans women are sometimes just as guilty as cis men of perpetuating toxic standards of masculinity. But, because gender is a construct and because it’s how we communicate beyond words, toxically masculine men are a cheap way to highlight (if not affirm) a trans woman’s femininity. In other words, a cis man’s perhaps extreme or exaggerated concept of his own masculinity can be attractive, soothing, and/or satisfying to an albeit insecure trans woman because she believes she looks even more feminine around him than she does around a cis man generally perceived as less masculine. I think this phenomenon exists between insecure cis folk too. But, consider that that insecurity is pronounced for those who suffer from gender dysphoria.”

There’s a lot of truth to be explored in this.

Watch the entire interview:

 

 

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Trans Or Trans-Attracted: You’re Meant To Be Happy

 

Not happy FB blog
You came to live continually happy and getting all you want. Why aren’t you?

Relationships don’t make a person happy.

Having that transgender lover you want isn’t going to make you happy.

Having that new job, or that car you want, or that money you’re wanting won’t do it either.

When you satisfy a desire, you feel the satisfaction, sure.

But notice: over time, that satisfaction (and satisfaction is what you mistake as happiness) fades as it is replaced by new desires.

  • That relationship, job, car or amount of money, no matter how wonderful at first, comes with inherent disappointments:
  • Relationships inherently are made of unmet expectations, frustration, trust issues and growth. Yes, you can be happy in them. But it’s often a roller coaster.
  • Jobs nearly always include frustrating bosses or colleagues, unwanted stressors, and rarely satisfying pay. No matter how much you make or how satisfying the work. Jobs and happiness are rarely in a long term relationship.
  • Cars come with traffic, car repairs, worries about it getting stolen, parking fees….money comes with…well you know.

No.

Whatever material thing you’re wanting is like any satisfied desire. Once you get it, once it is fulfilled, you want more, or you discover more is possible.

But happiness is borne of in-the-moment-awareness of your recognition, your acknowledgment that your life is a delightful journey, orchestrated by you in every moment. When you get to that recognition, life becomes what it is meant to be: a continuous string of joyful experiences.

It takes a while to get there, not because it’s hard, because it’s easy. It takes a while to get there because you have to gradually slow the influence of your old way of living: thinking that life is hard, that you must work hard, that relationships are hard, that trans women are elusive, that men don’t like transgender women, that all trans-attracted men are gay or chasers….and on and on and on.

You are meant to live a happy life. It is as near as you saying that you want that, then doing something productive about it.

And when you find yourself happy, you get everything you’re wanting. Easily. Including that relationship, that car, that money and that job.

Not happy, why aren’t you?

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An Awesome Thing Happened On Wikipedia And You Probably Missed It.

your transattraction is good

In less than a week, Wikipedia did something positive for the transgender community.

Wikipedia contributors have removed a fringe and controversial theory about attraction to transgender people and replaced it with an entry based on more common knowledge about trans-attraction.

While this seems like a tiny step, we think it’s huge.

We just had a conversation with a transgender woman who was in fact using this fringe theory to tie her self in knots about her own value as a person worthy of someone’s attention.

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It looks like the decision to remove the theory’s entry took place around 2013. But we looked up the theory just last week and it was still there. Today, it’s been redirected to the more accurate entry.

Awesome.

The exchange between Wikipedia contributors and the original poster of the fringe theory is quite an interesting read. The original poster, btw, happens to be one of the theory’s originators.

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Here’s the entry it has been replaced by. It’s not the best (you gotta start somewhere) but it certainly acknowledges the legitimate existence of trans-attraction thus validating the romantic value transgender people inherently possess. Just like the rest of us.

In other words: it’s NORMAL and validating to love transgender people.

Well done Wikipedia.