Dating - The Transamorous Network

May 29, 2018May 1, 2018

Online dating by any other name still sucks

thomas-lefebvre-3950-unsplash — Online dating: for most of us it doesn’t work. Especially for trans-attracted guys, you’re going to have a hard time online. (Photo by Thomas Lefebvre)

A few weeks back, a new dating website for transgender people launched. It was meant to combat discrimination transgender people experience in online dating and dating apps such as Tinder. This new one was heralded as the place for transgender people to meet online.

Its release was timely. Especially with the demise of Craigslist personals. Business killed off the free (and scuzzy) hook-up section of Craigslist; the organization was potentially at great risk of violating new anti-human trafficking laws. So this new site promised to offer what Craigslist no longer could, what Tinder refused to and what other sites have struggled to provide: a level playing field for transgender people to find relationship.

Whatever form that relationship takes.

“Life has been so hard for trans people because they have to overcome the social stigma of being transgender. When it comes to dating, it’s even harder for them. They need a comfortable place to meet and date with other trans people without judgement. So we created Transdr – a Tinder alternative for the trans community.”

So said Sean Kennedy, the co-founder of Transdr, this new app promising a safe place for transgender people to do whatever they look for in online dating. One look at the site and the problems with Transdr are GLARINGLY obvious. A for intent. F for execution.

But we don’t care about their intent or execution. While online dating has proven successful for some, it presents so much frustration for many other people.

According to online dating literature, dating services can’t really improve relationship outcomes. On dating sites like Match.com, which allow users to make their own dating decisions, daters have difficulty meeting the right partners. Studies show that they are unable to make successful selections: more often than not, you’re just as likely to be successful in real life as you are online.

But there’s another way. An easier way. A more fun way. We talk about that way all day long her on The Transamorous Network. It’s actually the ONLY way people meet anyway, whether they are online or not. But that’s another story.

A former online dating user wrote us recently. We think he accurately describes experiences people (mostly men) have with online dating:

“…the only ones who win online are the websites with bogus profiles. The websites who take a unique part of society and spin it for their financial benefit and it simply pisses me off. After many years I certainly know who I am attracted to and who I wish to spend time with, knowing that there is some parasite out there focused on ripping me with many others off simply tightens the jaw….I am merely fed up with being ripped off. Thanks for your viewpoint on life for me will get better one way or the other.”

Do you feel like this guy? Wanna be different? Better do something different. We offer a different approach at The Transamorous Network. One that works. Guaranteed.

April 3, 2018April 6, 2018

MEN: YOU GOTTA LEARN THAT YOU DON’T KNOW IT ALL

Men. Your ego and your brain think they know how to connect you with the transgender woman of your dreams. And when you rely on them, you feel frustration and struggle because your ego and your brain have no idea how to answer the critical questions that make that happen:

Who is she?
Where is she?
How will I meet her?
When will I meet her?

So whenever you start thinking about that ideal trans woman you want, usually you feel frustrated or doubtful. That’s because in the absence of meeting her, you immediately think about the “how”, the “when” and the “where”. Then you start taking action in an attempt to figure those things out. You try online dating, bars, pride parades, etc. Instead of just letting things happen the natural way. Meaning: allowing the your Inner Being to cause a natural rendezvous between you and her.

The problem is, neither you, nor your brain, nor your ego knows the answers to the “how”, the “when” and the “where”. And the answers (as you can tell when you read them) are exactly the answers you need to find her.

But your Inner Being knows. And the Inner Being of the woman you’re a match to knows too. Together, these to “meta yous” can work together to orchestrate a natural meet & greet. But not if you’re resisting the flow of messages your Inner Being is sending you that, if followed, will lead you to the same spot where she will be, when you’re there. Unbeknownst to you, this is exactly how everything you receive happens.

I know, you think it’s your actions, your direct doing that causes you to get what you’re wanting. But the “action” you take is the final step in a long process or orchestration. That long process is made much longer when you’re not paying attention and following your Inner Being guidance.

We went into pretty good detail on how to connect with your Inner Being in our recent IN YOUR FACE SHOW (see the video above). Listening to you Inner Being is one thing. Following the guidance in the right timing is another thing altogether. That last step is really important. The good news, all this can be learned and perfected. On the way so much evidence is given you proving the process is working. You just have to know how to recognize the clues.

Some of the most successful men have mentors, who help them become successful. The phenomenally successful follow their Inner Being, their inner voice and, over time, they become phenomenally successful. You can use that same guidance to chart your way directly to the trans woman of your dreams. Watch the show to learn more.

February 27, 2018January 23, 2018

How to have a happy life: trans or transattracted

wishful thinking Photo by Jeremy Yap on Unsplash — Photo by Jeremy Yap on Unsplash

A few transwomen (and, admittedly, a couple trans attracted men) read our material or check out our videos, then claim that we advocate the “silly” idea that if you just think happy thoughts, you’ll have a better life. Or if you meditate you’ll “get everything you want”.

We don’t say that.

Well, we do, but that’s a kind of shorthand describing a much more detailed process through which you already are, right now, creating the reality you’re experiencing. What we do advocate is a process which involves examining the stories you tell about your world, your “reality”. Then, after examining those stories, we advocate using a deliberate, conscious process that leads to new stories. These new stories are part of a larger process we describe more deeply in our material, a process that does actually get you everything you’re wanting: more money, that lover you want, that fulfilling and enjoyable work you wish you had, a safe place to live…whatever.

But we can’t go through the entire process in every one of our shows. That would be too repetitive and b-o-r-i-n-g.

Instead, we use a shorthand. That’s why we harp on “telling positive stories”.

Quote Photo by Tom Barrett on Unsplash — Photo by Tom Barrett on Unsplash

Here’s a summary of the process. Again, it’s not as simple as this, that’s why it’s called a summary. Following this process will, guaranteed, produce a life where you have everything you’re wanting. No exceptions.

Let’s say you’re wanting to become a doctor. You create your reality. So to create the reality in which you are a doctor, here are the steps we recommend (and stand behind as guaranteed to work):

You must realize you are creating the realty you experience. For many, this is the most difficult step.
You must realize the creative momentum you have created up to this point. This momentum is creatively expressed as the life you currently have, warts and all. That creative momentum is strong and going against it, while possible, is going to take a while, just as it took a while to get where you’re at. So….
You must then start changing the stories (beliefs) you have about the reality you currently have. The primary story needing changing is that you think the world just “happens to you” out of some random, uncontrollable set of criteria such as your race, location, politics etc (see step one). Another primary story might be that you think things can not ever change. That story sounds like this: “Life sucks”, “Men are always…”, “Transwomen are always treated…” “Transwomen are all….”…
You must understand the nature of “momentum” (what it is and how it works) and begin creating momentum in the direction of where you’re wanting to go ( in our example, becoming a doctor).
Then you must begin telling stories about why you want to become a doctor, stories that create certain emotional responses within you. This emotional response is your first indicator that you have begun changing your reality. Meditation is certainly part of the process because, for most people, the mind is unruly and seemingly random in its thinking. It must be reined in to serve the deliberate creative process instead of creating willy-nilly or seemingly randomly.
Point five is a major milestone, known as the “Be” of the “Be, Do, Have” process resulting in becoming a doctor.
You must then continue telling such stories and having these certain emotional responses while training yourself to become sensitive to your inner being’s guidance through quieting your mental activity (meditation). As you become more sensitive, you will begin noticing you are receiving impulses to think certain thoughts and take certain actions. One, thought, for example might be “what is required to become a doctor?” You might then be inspired to go to the library or get on the internet and start researching. This is the “do” part of the process. You are being guided by your inner being to have thoughts (stories) and actions (manifested reality) that accord with “doing” what doctors do.
Over time, supposing you are consistent in the seven steps above, you MUST wind up in the “have” part of the “Be, Do, Have” process where you have, in actuality, your actual, real life, become a doctor.

That’s it. There is nothing magical to the process. It is not about daydreaming or telling yourself untrue stories. There’s a lot more to it than these eight steps because one must get clear on an accurate nature of “reality” and where it comes from for this process to really work, but that’s essentially it.

And it works.

Every time.

It is even working for you right now, although in a probably indirect, in-deliberate way. For many people, that’s why they have a life that is less than fulfilling. It’s not because of fate, or the circumstances, being born in the wrong place or even being trans or transattracted. It’s simply because people aren’t deliberately creating the life they can have. So they get the one they got.

That’s why we say everyone can have the life they want. It begins with telling positive stories. When are you going to get started?

December 5, 2017October 24, 2017

How to prove your stories create your reality

fullsizeoutput_1e07 In my last post I wrote about how sucky stories creates a sucky life. You just can’t complain about life and end up happy. All you get is more suck.

“Suck” doesn’t have to be something monumental, such as chronic illness or chronic unemployment. It can be as simple a thing as not finding the love you want whether you’re transgender or trans attracted. It an even be as simple as having a desire for something (anything) and not finding fulfillment of that desire.

That does suck!

Whether you believe it or not, you’re supposed to be getting all you want out of this life. But to have all those things there’s a few other things you need to remember and then put into action.

:Your disbelief can’t be disproved.:

One is that you are creating your life experience as you go. The other is that your emotions clue you in on the process you use (your story-telling) to create your life experience and are constantly indicating whether you’re creating the life you want, or something other than that.

If you don’t believe that, it doesn’t matter because that’s what’s happening. The interesting thing about the stories you tell is (and stories are just thoughts, and “beliefs” are thoughts you think over and over) this: life will always show you evidence of the story you’re telling.

So in this quirky way, if you don’t believe what you’re reading right now, life is…right now…giving you all kinds of evidence to “prove” your thoughts and beliefs are “true”. Including other thoughts consistent with your story that this is not “true”. So your disbelief can’t be disproved.

The only thing you can do to prove to yourself what you’re reading is accurate is to try on new stories consistent with what you’re reading. I guarantee over 30 days, such a test will offer so much evidence you’ll begin to see life in a whole new way.

And from there, the sky’s the limit.

November 14, 2017October 12, 2017

When racism and transphobia look the same

racism-transphobia It’s an interesting question. This article article takes a good, long look at that question. It begins with recounting the murder of a transwoman, so be forewarned…

The article’s main message is, you’re transphobic if you think a person who is trans needs to tell potential suitors that fact before they engage in a relationship. The argument goes that a person who is not attracted to transwomen will want to know ahead of time who they are getting involved with. Because if that person is transgender, there is a possibility the cis-person (or other variety of human) won’t choose to be with that person.

I guess the same argument could be made for being racist: if somehow black people could conceal their blackness, racists would want to know ahead of time whether the person they find themselves interested in is black, so they can check their interest.

Sounds dumb, right? I mean, in order for a person to want to be sure they aren’t interested in said black person is because they are somehow interested in them, right? Interestingly, we don’t have to worry about that because black people can’t conceal their blackness. Most anyway. As a result, people who make their partner choices based on skin color alone can merrily avoid all us niggers. lol.

Not so with transgender people apparently.

Which is the point, I think, of the article. Not that all transgender people conceal their trans ness…many actually do. Intentionally and unintentionally. But that’s not the point I’m making. I’m saying it’s quite possible that a person who is scared of being with a transgender person can easily find themselves attracted to a transgender person before discovering the person is indeed trans. I mean have you seen Dusty Rose? This of course has happened in many of the trans murder cases in recent years.

But being scared of a person because they are trans is an interesting thing.

The author puts it more plainly:

None of this means it is transphobic to not be attracted to individual trans people. Nor is it transphobic to not be attracted to specific genitals. But it is transphobic to claim to not be attracted to all trans, people. For example, there is a difference between saying you won’t go out with someone for having a penis and saying you won’t go out with someone because they’re trans.

It’s similar to someone saying they aren’t attracted to all black people. So is it a preference? Or is it phobia/racism?

Incidentally, many, many transwomen are racist if held to this same definition. Couldn’t a transwoman’s lack of interest in black men – because of their skin color – or some other aspect of their physical disposition, something they can’t help bing, be interpeted the same way?

You better believe it.

“Oh, but THAT’S a preference,” some will say….Not according to many, many, many, many people. But not everyone. Some think it’s just prejudice. Others do think it’s a preference. So how is not wanting to be with a transwoman, even if a person is initially attracted to such a person, not a preference then? I think it depends on the story.

That’s Dusty Rose. And yes, she’s fine, period

After all, there are a LOT of black people, men too, who are loving, caring people. Just as there are probably similar such people among transwomen.

Here’s a great definition of racism: “people making negative assessments of large groups of individuals that they’ve never met, based solely on the color of their skin.” Replace “based solely on the color of their skin” with “based solely on their status outside the heteronormative binary”, and we start coming to some interesting parallels.

Suffice it to say this is an great example of why I wrote the post recently on why it’s so hard to be the “woke” police. Everyone has a picadillo or two. You’re bound to have yours exposed when you start exposing others. So it’s tough to call people racist or transphobic, especially in the grey areas. If a person is calling people racist slurs, or anti-trans slurs, or demeaning a person, or a group of people in either category on the basis of that alone, that’s one thing. But it gets really slippery when a person starts trying to parse out examples that could be just preference.

It’s far better – if you’re wanting to be happy – to leave all that shit to other people. It’s far better to create stories which create the best reality circumstances for your life and let other people live. If that means sometimes (in the early stages) meeting a dick, or a racist or a transphobe or two, so be it. In the end, those people won’t be able to find you….if you’re telling the right stories.

And you’ll live happily ever after.