At The Transamorous Network we talk about finding your ideal partner. Whatever that may be look like for you. Lately we’ve expanded our “talking” to include pretty much everyone.
But we still focus on transgender women and trans attracted men. Our approach works for anyone though.
We don’t just talk about finding your ideal partner. We also show you how to make that happen.
What’s interesting is, every time a client starts this work, they find not only a clear path to that ideal partner. Everything else in their life gets better too.
You’re meant to be happy. You’re meant to have a happy life. A happy life includes an ideal partner if that’s what you want.
It also includes doing, being and having everything else you want.
That’s just how life is supposed to be.
We know it. Our clients know it.
Then there are some who don’t know it. But they want to. They beat around the edges of our website. They have reasons for not becoming a member. They think $50 for a guide that can radically change their lives for the better is too much. Really? $50 for a guide that will show you how to create an amazing life?
I don’t blame them for not wanting to spend money. Scarcity consciousness is real, folks. But I do blame them for not reading or listening to the metric-shit-ton of free content we offer here on the website, in our podcast and on our YouTube channel. 🙄🤷🏽♂️🙄
In all these people’s lives, the secrets to their happiness, or rather, the secret to why they’re unhappy is as plain as the words coming out their mouths…or through their fingers. 😂
This morning I responded to two separate people. One via our chat on Facebook. The other through our blog. Both show how clear it is that one’s reality is created from one’s stories. But unless you know this, and understand how it happens, that clarity – it really is as plain as the words they are sharing – remains hidden.
Hidden right in plain sight. Take this person’s comment on a post of ours…
A (presumably) transwoman’s screed on how the media (and others) are responsible for her reality. Not her.
I know not everyone is ready to take responsibility for their life experience. I know a lot of people prefer blaming the media, society, transgender women or “tranny chasers” for their relationship and other sorrows.
But the plain fact is, everyone creates their reality. No one else is doing it.
And the clarity and happiness that comes from realizing this then doing something about it is priceless.
A quickie overview of how to adjust your stories…
It’s not necessary to consume our paid content to get results.
The problem is, most people don’t have the temerity and rigor to put in place a daily practice that can produce results.
That’s why we offer our paid content. We’re radically changing lives for the better. I know it’s not only worth every penny we charge, it’s worth even more.
In the future we’ll be raising our prices because of that. For now, I’m good with what we’re charging.
Last time I wrote about Joe (not his real name) a client who met his ideal match in a transgender woman. Joe was excited about this. He felt the Universe designed this gathering.
It did.
But the “why” wasn’t what Joe thought.
This post details what happened after Joe’s initial excitement and enthusiasm. It also sheds more light on our framework. Why it is so powerful. And why we guarantee you’ll get your ideal match.
That and a whole lot more. Let’s get started.
• • •
By his ninth session, Joe’s enthusiasm disappeared. He was low-energy. Not the excited person from our cancelled seventh session.
Turns out Cassandra (not her real name either), the transgender woman he met, hadn’t spoken to him in a while. Despondent, Joe had all kinds of negative stories about why. Stories about the experience. Stories about himself. Stories about our approach.
Joe’s grumpiness matched all these stories. Joe thought something went wrong.
Nothing went wrong.
Instead, Joe’s life experience showed him what he must change if he wants his ideal partner. Remy says this all the time. If you want your ideal match you must become a match to them.
Joe is not yet a match. So he drew to himself someone who matches where he is. The gift of this perfect relationship connection is, it showed this to him.
That doesn’t mean he liked what he saw.
But had he been able to, he would have benefitted even more from the experience.
Life is eternal. You always get more chances so nothing is lost. Nothing goes wrong. Ever.
The relationships with Cassandra didn’t show up as the relationship Joe wanted. But it did show Joe many of his disempowering stories.
And it showed him how his relationship behavior matches those stories.
Joe moved too fast. His stories about relationship scarcity caused had him cling to this relationship. As if there weren’t going to be any others.
Out of his desperation to have a relationship, he asked Cassandra if she was seeing anyone else, implying energetically, of course, that he’d prefer he be the only one she was seeing.
After all, he wasn’t seeing anyone else. But the reason he wasn’t seeing anyone else wasn’t because he had other opportunities. It’s because he is grasping desperately for THE relationship. Instead of enjoying life.
When Cassandra said she was seeing others, Joe played it off. But it was obvious in our call that answer was not the right one. It did match his stories though.
• • •
We know at The Transamorous Network that stories create reality. We also know momentum of stories told often enough can’t be avoided. That’s not how life works.
To slow old story momentum, a person must tell new stories. New stories which, over time, will build enough momentum in their own right. Meanwhile, old story momentum deactivates. They have less effect on reality. Including one’s behaviors.
Joe didn’t focus on new stories after that exchange. That focus takes effort, which is why we offer our framework. Joe is only starting. So he doesn’t realize yet how to check in with his emotions early enough to halt old story momentum.
It’s a rare skill among people. Hardly anyone has the discipline and rigor to do such work on their own. Hardly anyone understands why we have emotions. We offer our framework for that reason.
So rather than focusing on new stories he is working on in our sessions, Joe allowed his old stories to continue creating his reality. Disappointment he felt isn’t about how the relationship turned out (it ended). Although that’s what Joe thinks is the reason he’s disappointed. He feels disappointment (and frustration and sadness and more) because he’s focusing on his reality. The reality his old stories are creating. Realities not matching what he wants.
Again, Joe is just starting. So he doesn’t get how important it is to understand the purpose of emotions. So instead of using his emotions they way they’re intended, he tries to behave in spite of them.
Meanwhile, his behavior faithfully creates outcomes matching his old stories.
For example, one night frustrated in not hearing from Cassandra, Joe drunk-dialed her. That didn’t go well.
Drunk-dialing is a classic knee-jerk reaction to strong negative emotions triggered by negative stories about relationships playing out in physical reality. Thinking that behavior would bring relief, people drink to numb the emotion.
But alcohol amplifies negative emotion. It adds momentum to stories. That momentum draws to it other stories like it. Your stories are living things. Not just words. Stories like company. They draw to themselves stories like themselves. That’s how story or belief constellations happen.
That’s also why drinking to numb pain usually begins a downward spiral. When it comes to a “failed” relationship, that spiral often includes drunk-dialing.
Remember, in the last post I cautioned Joe about what was happening. I said Cassandra was a perfect match to Joe’s stories. That she is a perfect match is an excellent indicator.
What do I mean by that?
I mean, Joe got to see exactly how his stories create his reality. A reality which includes transgender women not all that interested in Joe for Joe.
To Joe, she seemed interested. At first. But later she wasn’t.
By our ninth session, Joe was not in a good place at all. He couldn’t see the extraordinary benefit of a relationship like the one he got.
• • •
Then one day, Cassandra contacted him after a long absence. He said she asked him to pay for something for her. Joe didn’t have the money. He hasn’t heard from her since telling her so.
Of course, Joe’s old beliefs showed up again. “That’s all she wanted me for”, He told me during our session.
That story can be extended more broadly about all his relationships with transgender women, women who usually are sex workers.
Joe left session nine pretty negative.
If Joe continues the work, this could be a turning point for him. His stories are screaming out loud. Now that he has some grounding in “Stories” and how they create reality, he is getting first hand experience in his own life experience how stories do that.
He’s not happy about that.
But this is the process. It’s how it works.
I reminded Joe his unhappiness is an emotion telling him something important. It’s telling him his stories about this situation aren’t consistent with what’s really happening.
Again, of course, Joe didn’t want to hear this. He defended his stories as “true”, which they are. But he refused to understand that they are only true because his stories have created a reality consistent with them. They are no more true than any other story he might tell often enough to create momentum and a new reality consistent with that.
And that is the work. Using one’s life experience as a living classroom, our framework shows clients how to tell new stories. New stories told frequent enough so their reality changes to match them.
Then they have a new truth. A life experience that contains everything they want.
Including their ideal partner.
Joe is continuing the work. We’ll see whether his relationship with Cassandra was the last one he’ll let his old stories dictate.
In only six sessions learning the The Transamorous Network match-making approach, a client of ours created the perfect relationship with his ideal transgender partner.
In this post and the next, I’ll dissect what happened. This is how it can happen for anyone. In the next post, I’ll detail what happened next.
Joe (not his real name), contacted The Transamorous Network through our free 1:1 offer. Like many clients, he desperately wants a relationship with a transgender woman. Desperation is not a great place from which to meet someone.
But it is a great place to examine your stories. And how your reality reflects back to you stories you’re telling.
Information Joe got from the free 1:1 convinced him our match-making service worth the money. So he became a member.
• • •
The first few sessions involved exploring stories producing behaviors he didn’t like. He frequents working girls (both trans and cis) late at night or in early morning dark hours. Like many trans-attracted men.
Some of these girls were/are drug-addicted. Others treated him like shit. Others treated him nicely. He has a mix of experiences reflecting his mix of stories about relationships and life, and women too. Both transgender and cisgender.
We explored how his stories create these experiences. Joe realized stories he didn’t know he had. Stories triggering desperation he felt about finding a partner. The same stories creating his experiences with women, including the kinds of women he met.
Desperation isn’t new to Joe. Some times in his life desperation (and the associated emotion “pain”) got so intense he contemplated suicide. Alongside relationship desperation, Joe also feels desperation about his life, his job and about himself. Stories triggering these feelings include one common to A LOT of people. Especially trans-attracted people. That story is “I’m not worthy of having what I want.”
• • •
We know at The Transamorous Network stories run deep. They connect with other stories, creating “belief constellations” or “story complexes” weaving through and shaping life experience.
It wasn’t surprising then when I found through our next sessions that Joe’s mother herself was and may still be drug addicted. She also had a working girl past.
No one comes into life experiences that are “too much to handle”. Everyone chooses the experience they get before they get it. Hardly anyone understands this.
At The Transamorous Network, we help people understand why and how that is. Then we show them how to use that awareness to get joy and satisfaction from life and relationships. The same joy and satisfaction they knew they would get when they chose human life experience.
Our stories create our reality. This includes stories we tell before becoming human. These stories set up birth circumstances. Yes, that includes being trans and trans-attracted. It also includes the parents we choose.
I explained why a person like Joe would come into the world through a parent who has sex work and drug addiction as part of her life experience. I described how those experiences create momentum. And how that momentum creates the reality he has. It wasn’t an easy conversation. But Joe got it.
We always say when you pull at one story, many others get uncovered. By our fifth session, Joe realized more long-running stories. Stories about his unworthiness as a person. Stories about how the transwomen he wants won’t accept him for who he is and what he has (and doesn’t have). Stories about feeling stuck in his job. Feeling shame about where he is in life.
In other words, stories a lot of humanity secretly shares. Stories you probably share.
What’s great about this work is, once stories get uncovered, sometimes they start resolving on their own. They kind of lose their grip when exposed to the light of conscious awareness. Automatically, again in some cases, new stories get born from that exposure. Those new stories can create explosive positive results.
That’s what happened to Joe.
• • •
Before our sixth session, Joe texted me. He said he needed to cancel our meeting. I asked why. He explained he met a transgender woman, was going on a daytime date with her and was excited about the potential. A daytime date was unusual for Joe. As I said, he typically meets transgender women at night.
“Yes I’m actually hanging out with a new trans woman friend of mine,” he said via text. “We met Tuesday and hung out a couple of times and have been talking since. I like her a lot. She’s treats me well.”
I wasn’t surprised by this. This is how things work when someone starts seriously looking at their stories. But I was also concerned about Joe.
That’s because Joe got results we promise. But he doesn’t know something important. His old stories are still active in his life experience. So it’s a sure bet this transgender woman he met has her own stories. Stories matching Joe’s stories. Stories she may not be aware of.
So I clued him in:
Joe responded that he already has been seeing some of those signs. That’s why, he wrote, “I’m working to be the best version of myself. The work that you and I are doing is working!!! 😀”
Joe said when they first talked, they realized they both needed each other.
“I know the Universe orchestrated our meeting,” he wrote. “I was finishing up at a warehouse where I picked up a load and she was finishing work around the same time and we were really near one another….”
Joe added that he already can see how his stories about transgender women have changed because, he said, “along with being very kind and cool person, she has a good job, makes good money and has a nice place in a nice neighborhood.”
Indeed.
We know our approach is out of the box. That’s why we guarantee our results. Joe’s example is normal. Anyone can meet their match and enjoy a relationship that works for them. It just takes changing your stories so that you can meet the person you want. The person who is waiting for you. Your perfect match.
I guarantee The Transamorous Network can show you how to meet your match. You’ll also find the process fun and enjoyable. It will also improve all other areas of your life.
No dating apps or websites. Working with us, you will meet your match (many matches actually) without any struggle. And fast.
No kissed frogs. No broken hearts. Just a lot of fun.
What happened to me last week shows exactly how our process works. You won’t believe this true story. But it is true!
Last Monday, I went to a meeting at the local LGBTQIA community center. I’m getting closer to the community this way.
This is the second or third meeting I’ve attended. This week, over half the people there were new. One of the people was a shy transgender woman just starting out in her transition.
When the meeting ended, she stood in the doorway as most people left. I stayed too. I was talking with another attendee and the meeting organizer. I got an impulse about this person. It told me I would be speaking with her.
· · ·
We talk so much about following intuition at the The Transamorous Network. That’s because it is how your higher self tells you where to go what to do and who to talk with to get what you want.
Two things must happen to hear your intuition: first, you must learn to hear or feel the impulses. Second, you must learn to tell the difference between impulses and other voices in the head. Voices that aren’t intuition.
We show you how to do that among other things.
So here I was in this room. My impulse telling me to talk to this person. But I’m also engaged in another conversation. Not to worry, I tell myself. I’ll meet her again.
What happened next needs some context.
· · ·
I usually ride my bike to get places. Other times I ride the bus. Rarely do I go by car.
Riding the bus in Portland is often a relaxing and enjoyable affair. (Photo by the Author)
There are 84 bus lines operating in the city where I live on any given day. Even if only two buses serve those lines each day, that’s almost two hundred buses moving around Portland. There’s also a street car and a light rail as well as many shuttles operating. Every day.
But there are more than two buses per line. Some lines have many more than two. There are literally hundreds of buses running around Portland at any given time.
Ok, that’s the context. Back to my story…
I had finished a great day at my bridging job. I felt high and happy. I wasn’t trying to make anything happen. I wasn’t even thinking about this transgender woman.
I got on the first bus of my 2-bus trip from work. I was listening to a podcast I enjoy. And I was thinking about how cool it was that I got two more informal offers for promotion at work. And I’d only been there two weeks.
So I got off the first bus. I waited a few minutes until the second bus came. While waiting, I thought about being trans-attracted. I thought about the places I might meet transgender people. I thought these for about 10 minutes. Then, the image of that transgender woman from the meeting came into my head. I dwelled on it a bit. But then the bus came.
It stopped in front of me. The doors opened and…you guessed it: there she was.
She wasn’t just on the bus. She was driving the bus!
· · ·
Those of you unclear about how matter, events, circumstances and people come into your life might say “Perry, you’re crazy. That’s just coincidence.”
But it’s not coincidence.
This is how everything happens. When you’re connected to your broader self, you can control what comes into your life. Including lovers. You get connected by being positively focused aka telling the right stories.
“Sarah” and I had a great conversation the whole way to where I live. I’m sure I’ll see her again. I encouraged her to come back to the meeting next month. But the fact that she drives the bus line I ride home on pretty much assures me I’ll see her again.
The bus might be the place your meet your match. With no effort at all!
We guarantee you’ll meet your partner using this approach. Stipulate any criteria. The Universe will organize circumstances so that you run into this person in a natural, easy way. It might be on a bus, or in a store, on the street or somewhere else unexpected. No wading through online profiles, no bad dates.
This is happening all the time in my life. It’s happening in your life too.
But unless you know how to take control of what’s happening, work the levers and see the results, life just looks random and coincidental.
Life is not random or coincidental.
I guarantee you’ll have immediate results with our approach. I can guarantee it because it’s happening every day in my life.
Why are you missing out on the joyful adventure life is?
Whether you’re a transgender person, or someone who finds themselves trans attracted, any kind of love is available to you.
The only thing keeping you from having that is you.
What Keeps What You Want From Happening
Your stories keep you from what you want. Stories are thoughts you think frequently. You think them so often they become “just the way life is”.
“I’ll never find a partner” is a story.
“Straight men don’t like transgender women” is a story.
“There are no transgender women in my area” is a story.
“I can’t find a transgender woman who doesn’t have drama” is a story.
“I find transgender women attractive. I must be gay” is a story too.
All these stories are TRUE. You create their truth by telling them. If you believe “Straight men don’t like transgender women” then you only meet straight men who don’t like transgender women. Same is true for any other story.
Change the story and your “truth” changes too. Your reality also changes.
Everything Is Yours
You can have love you want with no effort on your part. Hard work is overrated. Especially in relationships. Digging through online profiles, going to bars and trying to find Mr. or Ms. “Right” by swiping left, right or whatever are unnecessary steps.
By relaxing, having fun and enjoying life, you don’t have to do those things. Everything you want comes easily.
A friend of my wife demonstrated this over the last two years. That she had no idea it was happening shows how easy it happens.
Following explains how the process works. After that, I’ll tell Susan’s story, which shows how the process worked for her. Along the way, I’ll clarify points you should know so you too can produce similar results.
Five Steps To Getting What You Want
Getting everything you want is easy. Here’s how:
Come to accept what you have. No matter how bad you think it may be, you have to find a way to accept it. More than that, you have to embrace it and appreciate it. That attitude makes you positively focused. Stay negatively focused – complaining, talking about or getting angry about what you have – and you get more of what you have.
Pay attention to thoughts you receive that you aren’t thinking. Often, you receive thoughts you didn’t think. They feel like intrusions in your ordinary awareness. These are messages sent by your larger self. They come as suggestions, ideas, gut feelings.
Follow the suggestion, ideas, gut feelings. Intrusive thoughts are inspirations. You’re supposed to follow them. It’s ok if you don’t, but if you do, life becomes far more interesting, spontaneous, fun and easy.
Practice being happy as often as you can. By doing so you tell your reality that you want more happy experiences. How you behave also forms a story. Being happy is a behavior. Inspiration comes more easily too when you’re happy.
Even if you don’t do these five steps, you’ll eventually end up using the process because it’s built-in to living. It literally is “life”. It just doesn’t look that way because things you want to happen takes a long time when you don’t use these steps deliberately.
Like I said, Susan is not aware of this process (Step five) yet it still worked for her. That means it can work for you. More so if used deliberately. So now, let’s overlay these steps on Susan’s experiences so you can see how they work.
It Began With A Crappy Marriage
Susan had been married many years. That marriage was crappy by Susan’s admission. Her divorce was even worse. Contentious and frustrating, it ended with her “wasband” getting the better deal. That’s because she was the “breadwinner”.
Every negative experience serves the experiencer. So, every negative experience is positive. Susan’s crappy marriage helped her figure out what she wanted.
For one, she realized she didn’t want to be in a relationship where she lived in the same house with someone else. In other words, she enjoyed living alone, having her own space, not having someone always around, but also being in relationship.
That’s good to know when looking for a partner.
All through the divorce, Susan criticized her “wasband”. She complained about the divorce process, her lawyers, his lawyers. The more she complained, the more she had to complain about.
Her ex fought her more and more. He started doing vindictive things. Like slashing her tires and manipulating ways to keep her from their dogs. Perfect examples of Step One.
From time to time Perry’s wife told Susan about this process. Like many people though Susan preferred experiential learning. She doesn’t like being told what to do. Or following advice from others. Neither does Perry’s wife. 🙄 Maybe you don’t either.
Soon Susan stopped complaining as much. She got tired of it. By the time her divorce was finished, she accepted the process. Step One: check.
Inspiration Creates Evidence of “Better”
What Susan didn’t know was, her experiences with “wasband” helped her know things she wouldn’t have known had she not gone through them.
She knew she didn’t want another marriage. She knew she wanted her autonomy. And she knew what kind of relationship she wanted: one without the intertwined aspects of traditional relationships.
It was no surprise then what happened next. A friend she knew when married turned into a boyfriend. Let’s call him Jake. Jake wasn’t a long-term perfect fit. But he was perfect for now. Meaning: he offered sexual intimacy, occasional company, friendship. Someone to hang out with, without commitment. Jake was also a known-entity. They knew each other for years. So it was easy to turn that friendship into more.
Jake was and is polyamorous. He was seeing other women. He didn’t tell Susan this until six months into their two-year relationship. Jake subscribes to a “don’t ask, don’t tell” relationship policy.
“If you don’t ask, I’m not going to tell you,” he says. Which is fine, if the other person knows this.
Susan didn’t know this. By the time she found out, she wasn’t happy about it.
She told my wife and I she didn’t want to be in an open relationship. She didn’t like feeling “second fiddle” to who-knows-how-many other women who might be in Jake’s life.
But by the time she found out, it was too late. She had feelings for Jake.
There was more to Jake than Susan realized. Jake is fiercely independent, wicked smart, adventurous and a talented agitator/activist.
“I never ask people for anything,” he recently told me over tea. “Even if I have to go to a hospital. I’ll find a way to make it myself.”
That independence spills into his relationships. Jake thrives in relationships he controls. No wonder he prefers polyamory. Multiple opportunities foster independence.
Jake’s independence tinted his relationship with Susan too. He decides when she could come over. He decides when he comes to her house. If he has a date with someone else, he is not available. In many respects, Susan’s access to Jake was at Jake’s discretion.
That worked great for Susan for a while. In time, though, she resented this. She felt the relationship was going one way: Jake’s way.
In Susan’s words recently: “I thought I’d like this non-monogamy thing a bit better if I were to participate in it fully.”
So she decided to do something. A “good for the goose” thing. What she before resisted, she now was warming up to. So much so she too sought extra partners.
One day she got an idea: a profile on OKCupid. Step two: check!
“In retrospect, I did it shortly after discovering that [Jake] had another lover…” Susan said. “It was kind of a vengeful act.”
Time went by. Susan fell in love with Jake. Jake was in love too. What Susan at first tolerated now she enjoyed. Even given the imbalance. Step One again.
She enjoyed her freedom, her autonomy. She now liked Jake having options. And she looked forward to having her own options. Men she could see occasionally and casually too.
Your reality is literally a piece of art. What are you creating? (artwork by the author)
Your Reality Is Under Your Control
You get what you’re ready for. The problem is, you’re never ready for something different than what you have, until you accept what you have. If you’re not happy with what you have, you can’t get what you want because you’re not ready for what you want. You’re complaining about what you have.
Happiness is not something that comes after getting what you want. Well, it does happen that way.
But it’s meant to be something you feel no matter what you’re experiencing. That’s because everything you experience serves your fulfillment. Yes, even what looks like negative experiences.
When you figure that out, your life is your conscious design. This unconditional happiness is your design tool kit. Because when you’re happy, no matter what you have, you are ready for having what matches how you feel.
Making Room For Even More “Better”
As Susan found herself mostly happy in her poly relationship, she made room in her life for having more of what she wanted. That created what happened next.
For a while nothing significant happened on OKC. She says she met three guys. She enjoyed meeting them.
Otherwise, She said, the process was “drudgery”. This is why we don’t support using dating websites. They can work. But they frequently don’t. In the meantime, they conjure too many negative stories (lack of acceptance). That stretches out the time it takes to get what you want. It’s far better to be happy, enjoy your life and follow your intuition. Meeting your match that way is a happy, natural and enjoyable process.
Online dating for most people isn’t happy, natural or enjoyable.
Like many people though, Susan learned to accept the drudgery. Again, Step One.
That’s when one profile “stood out,” she said. “OKC estimated 99% compatibility, and I liked his photos and what he’d written.”
She was referring to this guy Susan brought to a small gathering. Let’s call him Carl.
They had almost everything in common. They finished each others’ sentences…laughed at the same things…it was like they had been together for years.
Carl wanted a monogamous relationship from the get-go. He said so in his profile. Susan’s profile didn’t say that. But Carl liked what Susan offered so much, he compromised.
This happens a lot. Insecure people compromise their ideas because they think they need to to get what they want.
That’s never the case. But impatience is a powerful thing. As is insecurity.
When people can’t be patient, they compromise. In compromising, the path leading to what they really want lengthens. It’s not a problem because every experience is beneficial.
You’re also eternal, so you have plenty of lifetimes to get what you want. But if you exercise patience while following the process above, what you want comes faster.
Let’s take a break with a blast from the past….
Susan Finds Freedom In Openness
Welcome back. Carl’s relationship behaviors contrasted Jake’s. He wanted collaboration in relationship. While he didn’t like so much sharing Susan with others, he didn’t resist it. Not at first.
So Carl fell in love with Susan instantly, he says. And why not? She’s lovable!
Meanwhile, Jake got more controlling when he found out Susan had another lover. His insecurities, dormant while he controlled the relationship, now surfaced. This was a good thing. His insecurities invited everyone involved to become better versions of themselves.
For example, both men had toothbrushes in Susan’s bathroom. Jake’s was in the toothbrush holder. Carl’s in the drawer. Carl imagined (rightly) Susan was hiding from Jake the fact that Carl sometimes spent the night. That chafed Carl.
Carl’s feelings were petty. So were Susan’s intentions. Susan was trying to protect Jake. To keep from triggering Jake’s insecurities. That strategy backfired. It only made both men more insecure and her frustrated.
She found both men’s insecurities unattractive. But she also enjoyed it. Through something she initially didn’t like at first, Susan found empowerment and freedom and choice and options.
In other words: Everything her marriage didn’t offer.
Insecurity Boils Over
One night Carl put his foot down.
He said he wanted monogamy with Susan. That surprised her. She had been clear from day one on OKC that’s not what she wanted.
One day, Bridget reminded Susan that two years ago a monogamous relationship was exactly what she wanted.
But Susan grew happy with her current situation (being in an open relationship). That’s step one. She missed step two, but the process still worked because she followed her inspiration posting an OKCupid profile (Step three).
And now she faced a new reality. One she wanted two years ago. Carl represented a great match: intellectually, physically and more. They really liked each other too.
Susan didn’t remember wanting monogamy two years ago. And yet, here she was, getting everything she wanted. Freedom. Choice. Two good men who both loved her. And an opportunity for monogamy.
And now, one for the men:
Susan Got Everything. And Then Some. So Can You
Intrigued with Carl’s request, she told Jake. Jake got even more insecure. Angry in fact that Susan was considering a monogamous relationship with someone else. Of course, he didn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship. He wanted what he had: his cake (Susan) and the opportunity to eat other cake.
But let’s look at what Susan created. In two years her life matched every desire she wanted.
She put her marriage behind her
She found a relationship that worked immediately after the divorce
That relationship brought interesting experiences, growth, adventure
She followed her inspiration
That lead to meeting Carl, a perfect match
Now she has not only an open relationship, but an opportunity for a closed one too!
In other words, Susan was getting everything she wanted. And then some. Even though she didn’t realize what was happening.
Like we say, the process works for everyone. Even those unaware of it.
Today, Susan is negotiating the best of both worlds. She loves both Carl and Jake. Both represent different desires she’s had over two years. Both men love her. Both offer different things. In other words, Susan is enjoying her love life as it brings her plenty of pleasure, adventure, love and more.
You can have your version of the same thing: plentiful experiences where what you want comes easily. It all starts with realizing you have a larger you from which to live your life. Then finding ways that connect you to that. Being happy is the easiest.
Life doesn’t have to be hard or a struggle. Love doesn’t either. And neither is, when you follow life’s really simple process.
![shhh]](https://i0.wp.com/transamorousnetwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/shhh.jpg?resize=525%2C263&ssl=1)
