Blog

Posted on

The Great Life Lesson Trump Offers Trans People

By The White House – Official White House Facebook page, Public Domain

TLDR: The author claims Donald Trump’s life epitomizes the power of telling positive stories about what one wants. They explain how Trump, by “telling it like he wants it” created a life of his own design. Yet, these days, the author claims, Trump is creating a reality he doesn’t want by focusing on precisely that, thereby proving a basic principle of Law of Attraction. They conclude by asserting that trans people can get a lot more of what they want by telling better stories about their lives.

This story is neither a critique nor a praise piece for the former president and 34-count felon. Instead, it’s an examination of how by “telling it the way he wants life to be” Donald Trump created a life matching his biggest desires.

Despite all his lies and machiavellian actions, for the most part, Trump has gotten what he wanted in life. I attribute that to his willingness to ignore others’ opinions. In other words, Trump achieved much of what he has over his life because he focused on stories that made him feel good. And in doing that, the Universe has given him pretty much everything he wants. Including a stint as POTUS.

It’s a great example for trans and trans-attracted people to follow.

Unfortunately, though, the moment Trump went into politics, he started shooting himself in the foot through his stories, which explains his current set of judicial predicaments. Judicial predicaments are not new for Trump. But this new batch is much more detrimental.

Let’s look at how Trump used what we talk about at The Transamorous Network to literally change the trajectory of his life for the better…then for the worse.

Focusing ONLY on what he wants

Despite many run-ins with the legal system, Trump has always told it like he wants it to be. And, when contradicted by others, or the facts, he held to his story. As a result, Trump enjoys tremendous momentum in his focus. Yes, practically speaking, many of his hustles, deals, projects, whatever you want to call them, may seem nefarious. But it’s hard to deny that the man has a way of getting what he wants. Especially when it comes to money.

Is this because he has all the right people in all the right places? Obviously not, because his nefarious acts seem to get out no matter how much “fixing” he tries to employ. But no matter; in the aggregate, Trump as an individual, enjoyed an immense winning streak, making himself known throughout the US and the world. And this was before becoming president.

The New York Times once praised Trump’s ability to shake off legal challenges. A Time Magazine article, confirmed his ability to adroitly use the legal system to get his way. He successfully delayed most of his most recent legal troubles so that he could take another stab at the White House this year. This is no fluke. He calls it like he wants it. And he gets his way. And he does that by focusing ONLY on what he wants. We can take a lesson from that.

Classified intelligence material found during search of Mar-a-Lago. Will Trump get away with it? We’ll see. (Photo By United States Department of Justice – Public Domain)

It’s about focus

Everyone can enjoy similar success at creating a reality matching their wildest desires. Nothing is off the table. Not even the White House, apparently. But it requires focus. And, if anything, Trump has that in spades.

By the way, nothing is ever wrong. It’s humans who create “right” and “wrong”. The Universe doesn’t see physical reality that way. Instead, it sees it as all good. That’s because every expression of physical reality contributes to the “more” that is All That Is. The more more the better.

That’s why resisting being trans or trans-attracted always feels bad. When we resist what we are, we go against All That Is, which is the origin of our experience. If we accept ourselves then live authentically, our lives go much, much better. That’s the message I pound home all the time here at The Transamorous Network.

But a lot of trans people and those who love them resist their authenticity. They do that to their detriment, which is why so many in both groups are unhappy and alone. Changing all that is easy. I write about how to do that extensively in this blog.

All That Is would get bored with everything being one way. Surprise and delight are orders of the day. So is diversity of everything. And you can bet there are things in All That Is that it delights in that humans would call “wrong” and even “immoral”. Tragedy and abhorrence, therefore, are just as valid expressions of All That Is as are the most saintly and pious acts.

So is being trans. So is being trans attracted.

Getting what you focus on

Since everything is good, this means anything you can conceive of enjoying you can enjoy as your experience. But be careful how you think about what it is you want. Because how you think about it can put the kibosh on what you’re wanting. I talk about this a lot in this blog too.

If we want love, for example, we can’t focus on not having it. That just gives us more of what we focus on: not having it. It doesn’t feel good not having what we want. And you know what? It’s supposed to feel that way, because we’re meant to have all that we want!

But when we focus on the negative feeling, or the negative stories generating those feelings, we double down on getting what we don’t want.

That explains why so many trans women are bitter and complain about “chasers”. The irony is they’re getting exactly what they want. By “what they want” I mean what they focus on. So if they really want what they really want, they’d do well to praise men they call chasers. Because such men are doing something trans women would be better off appreciating than hating.

What they’re doing is showing the trans women what they are creating. That’s super valuable. How are else are you supposed to know whether or not you’re on the way to getting what you want?

And that’s what’s plaguing Trump now too. As a result of entering politics, he’s gotten himself into a train of thought, a way of storytelling, that doesn’t serve his interests. It’s because of that that All That Is inspired people like Fani Willis, Stormy Daniels, Michael Cohen and others to come out about Trump and his….predilections.

Setting the stage for his downfall?

All That Is isn’t punishing Trump. It’s just giving him feedback. The moment Trump entered the White House, actually slightly before, Trump started focusing on things he didn’t want. He focused on staying in the White House by focusing on “not losing”. He focused a lot on his “enemies” rather than those who support him. Trump focused on “rigged” political and legal processes that he claims are out to get him. As a result, all of those things became more prominent in his experience. It’s all feedback!

The more one focuses on what they don’t want, the more of what they don’t want will show up. The more detailed and intense those things will get too. This explains why the media, known for uncovering the whole story, really began scrutinizing Trump after he won the presidential election. He attacked the press in retaliation, while at the same time currying favors from and sidling up to other media organizations such as Fox News and American Media Incorporated. It’s no wonder even more media began focusing on him in negative ways.

And that’s the other trouble with Trump’s focus since winning the White House. He aligned himself with people whose dominant focus is extremely negative. That caused his vibration to mix even more with theirs. It’s no wonder, for example, that Trump loves Putin, the North Korean dictator and other nefarious characters. It’s also no wonder he’s sidled up with far right people too. And that others like him are replicating his behavior around the world.

And it’s therefore no wonder that the media and now the courts are all over him. He’s generating feedback showing him what his focus is. But Trump doesn’t know that. So, like trans women, he keeps doubling down on his disempowering stories.

The pitfalls of focusing on “unwanted”

Yes, Trump sees people he resonates with as his supporters. But he also sees these people as vibrational equals in terms of the way they focus: mostly on themselves as victims. Trump sees himself as the ultimate victim, and thus as his fellow victims’ saviors. It’s this alignment that set the stage for what we see playing out.

Of course, there are no victims. Everyone creates their reality, including experiences that come their way. That’s a harsh thing to hear when considering certain subjects, such as being trans and subjected to all kinds of discrimination.

But there’s no way around it because the universe is recursive, meaning, every particle of it functions under the same principles. So to say trans people aren’t creating their experience would mean the principles apply to only certain situations. But the principles apply to every situation, no exceptions.

So as Trump more and more blames others for his troubles, he will get more evidence that that, in fact, is true. Why? Because life will verify any belief as true. It’s exactly the same with trans women vilifying chasers. When they do that, they make themselves matches to such men. So more of those men show up in their experience.

The fix is easy: stop vilifying these men. Instead praise them and in time better men will replace these men. The same principle works for men wanting a trans partner. We must focus on what we want. Do that and we get that. End of story.

The absolutism of focus

Another way Trump digs a hole for himself is by trying to solve his problems through action. Doing appears to be the way things happen. But if that were the case, then, again, there’d be an exception to universal principles. And these principles are UNIVERSAL. They apply across the board.

Vibration and attraction is how things happen. Points of consciousness, such as a human, focus. When they focus, they direct their vibrational energy, which then draws similar points of consciousness to that energy. In time, accumulation of energy gets strong enough to become physical experience.

Action or doing is the penultimate manifestation just prior to the full-blown fulfillment of a desire. Action is what brings the person to the point in time and space where their desire fulfills itself. But since most people don’t understand what you just read, they don’t know what’s really happening. They think their doing is making things happen. It’s not.

This explains then how when a person focuses on something they don’t want, such as the story “I’m unlovable”, their relationships will consistently give them evidence supporting that. Then the person will act in unlovable ways, thus creating circumstances in which partners leave.

It’s not the unlovable acts creating the results. It’s the story or focus that prompts or inspires unlovable acts. Focus is absolute. It is the only way things happen. Use it wisely.

A perfect example

I’m eager to see where Trump’s life trajectory takes him in the next 18 months. With another massive state lawsuit on the horizon, and several other federal ones, he’s created quite a ride for himself. And, with the election looming, it will be interesting to see how reality collapses around what he focuses on.

In the meantime, I’m eager too that all this mess has caused people to ask for more. And the Universe is delivering. So much being out of whack in the United States, especially our political climate, foretells of a great rebalancing coming. A rebalancing that could create a future far better than the present we currently have. A rebalancing that could be very good for transgender people and those who love them.

Make no mistake though. Some people thrive no matter how bad it gets. Those are the people whose focus is consistently on what they want, not what they don’t want. Millions of others, meanwhile, may suffer no matter how good it gets for the opposite reason: focusing on what they don’t want.

Yes, it would be nice for all those suffering to not have to suffer. But since the Universe responds to individual vibration, we can’t do much to alleviate others’ suffering. Even if we fix all the problems, some people would still suffer.

You and I don’t need to suffer though. Trump is giving us a great example of how to do it right…and not so right.

Posted on

When Life Results Show Me How Fun It Is Being Transamorous

Photo by Bekky Bekks on Unsplash

TLDR: The Universe and life possess a humor reflected in the joy of alignment with All That Is. Unfortunately, people, including trans and trans-attracted individuals, often miss this fun through pessimism, especially in relationships. The author helps clients rediscover delight in love by piercing persistent negative habits, prompting an abundance of joy. The serendipitous arrival of a uniquely-named client exemplifies the delightful alignment the author promotes. Life, the author suggests, should be easy and fun, a truth we shape with our beliefs and stories.

The Universe enjoys a sense of humor. It’s one reason why mirth feels so good. In mirth, we’re aligned with All That Is.

Life is a component of All That Is. Life too, enjoys a sense of humor. Just look at all those Instagram videos featuring animals in their natural habitat being playful. Life likes fun.

The same holds for humans. That is, unless humans block their connection to all of life’s fun. They do that by adopting pessimistic attitudes on a variety of subjects.

Trans people and trans-attracted people do this a lot. The subjects they tend to do it on the most are each other: trans women bash the men who naturally find them attractive. Trans-attracted men bash the women they want most to be with.

The result is, the fun of dating becomes a chore. It becomes torture. Each side becomes bitter. And their dream of love eludes them. I help such people rediscover the fun in love and in life. It’s not easy piercing their persistent pessimistic habits. But eventually they give way.

Then the clients find what I have found. They find what they’ve been missing. Then they get what they want. That’s fun watching.

More clients equals more abundance

But life offers even more fun than that. And when we tap in to that, our lives become more fun too. I am enjoying a lot of fun in my life. I write about them in this blog often. They include seemingly “random” or “coincidental” rendezvous with trans women. But hose incidences aren’t random. Nor are they coincidental. They happen because I don’t resist my transamory. So the Universe matches me with these lovely moments that surprise and delight me.

So when life served me once again with yet another wonderful, humorous manifestation, I felt the humor, the surprise and the delight in that too. The “coincidence” of what happened was so perfect, I couldn’t help but enjoy the unfolding.

What happened wasn’t about meeting another trans woman. It was about how I manifested yet another client on the Positively Focused side of my client practice. In fact, more and more clients are showing up. That’s consistent with what I’ve written about over and over: the Universe showers us with abundance. Abundance of all kinds. All we need to do is line up with that. Then, it’s ours.

The best abundance though is that aligned with what we’re wanting to see. When that happens, we feel delight. Then we get even more of what we’re wanting. And that “more” comes in greater abundance. Which explains why more clients are showing up.

Now let’s take a look at that lovely “coincidence”.

A playful “coincidence”

One weekend recently, while working on a blog post, a funny thing happened. I was writing a paragraph explaining the story of Pollyanna. That’s when I got an email notification. My calendaring app notified me a new client scheduled a free Positively Focused 1:1.

I clicked over to the email and, what do you know! The new client’s name was…wait for it…Pollyanna!

What’s interesting about this person is how much of a natural she is to the practice. Like everyone, life caused her to conclude in ways unhelpful for living a Charmed Life. But the fact that she’s found her way to this practice was no coincidence. She’s taking to it quite quickly, which is something I like seeing in clients.

This client’s rapid resonance with the practice foretells promise. A promise that results people like this client will produce will create ripples of goodness through their lives and the world at large.

It’s no surprise then that one client’s “ripples” include her daughter, and now her son, both becoming clients. Another client’s best friend recently became a client. So did her husband! This practice must really work!

Finding something different

The fact that Pollyanna came to me perfectly timed as I wrote that paragraph doesn’t escape me. Seriously, how many “Pollyannas” are out there? I see this as a spectacular indication of my own alignment. That and all the other wonderful things happening in my life. Including the lovely incidents of meeting trans women.

I love it when life reveals to me things proving how fun and easy life is. Life can be this way for everyone, including trans and trans-attracted people. In fact, it IS this way for everyone. If we’re not experiencing that, it’s only because we’ve overlaid bogus beliefs on what’s really happening.

It’s not that those bogus beliefs aren’t “true”. All beliefs, believed long enough will produce realities consistent with them, thus proving “true”. But the question is: is that truth something you want? I say, create better “truths”. How? By telling better stories that eventually become better beliefs.

Our Charmed Life is continually unfolding. I love seeing my clients discovering this, then aligning their life experience to that. Maybe you’re ready to do the same?

Posted on

The Best Trans Girlfriend: Played By Nava Mau

TLDR: The author reviews the Netflix Limited Series Baby Reindeer with a focus on the transgender character Teri. They argue Teri represents the ideal trans partner in many ways. Then they encourage trans-attracted men to become matches to their ideal trans partners rather than trying to make a relationship happen as a way of getting all they want in love.

I’m very near the end of gushing about Netflix’s Baby Reindeer. Just two more things need mentioning about this wonderful show. It’s wonderful because, as mentioned in the last post, Baby Reindeer reveals underlying causes keeping nearly all trans-attracted men in the shadows.

Primary among those causes is self loathing. Self loathing is as common among transgender women as it is among trans-attracted men. Which is one dimension across which both groups represent perfect matches.

But that’s another story; one I’ve shared many times. In this story, I want to focus on Teri, the transgender character played by Nava Mau. I’m going to crush a little on the actress too. So bear with me.

Alright, here we go.

Trans women and the power they possess

Speaking of crushing, this blog asserts over and over that trans women possess a unique power. Especially when they embrace all that they are. I’ve seen trans-attracted men literally transformed for the better because of that power. This power also partly explains why trans-attracted men who enjoy the pleasure of actually dating a trans woman finds himself so smitten to the core.

Teri, whom Donny, Baby Reindeer’s main character, meets on a dating website, is exactly the kind of trans woman I’m writing about. She’s self assured, measured and clear-headed. It helps, of course that she’s a therapist. Which also tells us she’s got some baggage herself. Therapists become therapists for a reason. And really good therapists are really good for that same reason.

Anyway, Teri’s at first open minded. She’s eager to get to know Donny, even though he’s presenting a totally bogus version of himself. That’s because he’s deeply shameful of his attraction. Which is interesting because Nava Mau is gorgeous in the extreme. And, to me, totally passable.

That doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. For a trans-attracted man dealing with his shame, however, it would seem Teri is a great match because she looks convincingly like a cis woman. Still, Donny tries Teri’s patience. She sees right through his lies, but goes along anyway. I presume she’s hoping to meet the real Donny eventually.

Nava Mau (Instagram)

Trans women: helping the men helps you

Which brings me back to the power of trans women. Listen ladies, if you want to be with a man, many such men exist who will love you out loud exactly as you are. But many more need some training. If you’re willing to, helping a guy get through his shame can create a lasting, deep love.

It also, however, can lead to disastrous outcomes. Which is why I advocate a particular approach to relationships. One that first starts with the relationship with yourself. Get that stable and it’s really easy to create any kind of relationship you want. Including with a guy. But if your relationship with yourself is wobbly, you can’t access that power, that focus that literally can turn a man into a prime relationship candidate.

There’s no reason a trans woman who wants to be with a man can’t be with one. But disempowering beliefs will put the kibosh on that goal every time. Those who tell positive stories – about themselves, about their man and their relationship – can literally create the ideal relationship from one that seems deeply flawed.

After all, we all meet our matches in the moment we meet them. That means every relationship we get into is a match. We might not like what that relationship contains, but isn’t it true that in every failed relationship we are the common denominator? That means we and we alone can change the relationship, because we are the focus of it.

And if that’s available to us, why keep running through guys? Why not instead choose a guy and walk with him through his struggles? Maybe he’ll do the same for you.

Bring on an ass kicking

This is what Teri tries to do. And for a while it works. But then Donny does something so freaking disgusting, even I was shocked when it happened. I won’t ruin the show with a spoiler. I’ll just say for Teri, it was the final straw. Later in the series we see her again, dating another guy.

Nava Mau surprised me as an actress. I was confused when she first appeared because my radar pinged her as trans, but she passed so completely. Her acting, however, really won me over. It was so passionate, so spirited. So raw. I wonder if she drew on her own experiences dating men. Looking at her Instagram profile, she may be into women. If that’s the case, she’s an even better actress.

I particularly enjoyed that the show portrayed her as a professional, with her own home and her own life. What also surprised me though was when she and Donny’s stalker squared off in one espisode, I expected Teri to beat the living daylights out of that girl.

That wouldn’t have been consistent with the plot though. So I can see why her character didn’t give that crazy stalker an ass kicking. Still, many of the trans women I’ve met not only are smart and capable, they’re more than willing to bring an ass kicking to the table if necessary. Which is another thing I admire about certain trans women: they’re tough. They have to be given what many go through.

It’s just too bad so many let what they go through also shape their expectations, especially in the dating realm. Which is why I started this blog.

Meeting our match isn’t coincidence

Now let’s be clear. Plenty of trans women like Teri exist in the world. Read that again men. If you’re not meeting them, it’s because you’re not a match to them. They have things going on. While you may find them on online dating sites, I don’t think they’re at bars. So finding them means letting go of preconceived notions about how to date. It also means letting go of the idea that you know where to find her.

Meeting such women usually means such connections happening by “chance”. People like that term “chance”. “Coincidence” is another word they love. From The Transamorous Network’s perspective, however, chance and coincidence aren’t real. What’s really happening when a trans woman suddenly appears on our path is in that moment we’ve allowed our desire for relationship dominate expectations that such a relationship isn’t possible.

In other words, the Universe is showing us that what we think is impossible is, in fact, possible. Which explains why usually, when such meetings happen, the girl is with someone already. It’s not that she’s meant for us, she’s meant to show us what’s available; when we let go of stories keeping what’s available on the horizon.

I say if you want a transgender partner, the best approach is letting it happen naturally, not trying to make it happen. Trying to make it happen brings us matches matching ALL we are – warts and all. Better to let it happen in divine timing, a timing that also allows us to become better matches.

So that when our match does show up, the match has more of what we want than what we don’t.

Posted on

Why The Spectacular Baby Reindeer Turns People Into Stalkers

TLDR: The author suggests the reason why Netflix’s popular show Baby Reindeer is so compelling has to do with the creator’s trans attraction. They then assert that every transgender person and trans-attracted person possesses similar abilities to capture the attention of the world. If only they live their lives authentically, the way Baby Reindeer’s creator eventually did.

Netflix recently added a limited series that’s about as addictive as meth. Thank goodness it’s only seven episodes. In those seven episodes though, Baby Reindeer pulls back the shades on a topic that is a pariah, in some ways, to the transgender community: trans-attraction.

While doing so, the show is so freaking compelling, it’s hard not to watch all seven episodes straight through. That’s what a client did when I recommended it. “Fascinating” was all he could text after coming up for air.

In this installment of posts about this spectacular new Netflix show, I want to look more into the “fascinating” nature of Baby Reindeer. This time, though, from the perspective of why it’s become such a sensation. I’m going to examine this from the perspective of the practice I take clients through. This post will make sense with a little background on what that practice entails.

A sensation born of spiritual truth

In short, it’s a spiritual approach to making one’s dreams come true. In The Transamorous Network, however, the focus is a little more, uh, focused. We help trans community members make their relationship dreams come true. Through Positively Focused, my other practice specialty, I use the same content to assist cis people in realizing their dreams.

Positively Focused clients tend to be very successful people who’ve realized their material success isn’t all there is to life. Many have traded their happiness for material success. That’s never satisfying in the long run.

My trans and trans-attracted clients aren’t happy either. And while they, too, eventually get to focusing on their bigger life dreams, they usually start by wanting happier love lives.

The cool thing about the practice is, not only do clients find love and happiness, but they also realize powerful spiritual accuracies; about life, about themselves and the world around them.

These accuracies explain why people find Baby Reindeer so fascinating. According to many sources, the show is a hit. Why would that be? For sure it’s well-produced, scripted and acted. But there must be more to it, because a lot of not-so-successful shows are well made.

For one, I think it’s because the Netflix series is a true story. Its creator Richard Gadd is trans-attracted. Baby Reindeer features a main character based on Gadd’s experience with a woman stalker, a male rapist, his cis-trans relationship and Gadd’s intense self-hatred which drove all of this.

But there’s more to the show than this. I think it’s this more that is making the show the sensation it is.

Baby Reindeer is live on Netflix. Watch it. (Screenshot from Instagram)

The power of transgender and trans-attracted people

I’ve written in this blog many, many times about the power of transgender and trans-attracted people. I write about how such people come into the world with world-changing intentions. Their intentions are part of who and what they are. And their unique perspectives are born of those intentions.

But if such people don’t fully embrace who they are, their lives reflect that. They know inside themselves that they have something powerful to share. That powerful thing is literally embodied in all that they are. If such people don’t live authentically, however, then they experience a kind of crisis. When such people try finding relief outside themselves, nearly always, that seeking amplifies the crisis.

Should they embrace all they are and express that however, they create world-changing results. Richard Gadd, the creator of Baby Reindeer is one of these people. Richard Gadd is trans-attracted.

In penning Baby Reindeer, Gadd fully embraced what he was. Expressing that, he galvanized the world around his story. That’s why this show is so sensational and turns people into binge zombies.

Wait there’s more

But there’s more than that happening. For at the same time people like Gadd speak their truth, there’s a literal massive audience waiting to hear the message. That’s what we’re seeing in the response to Baby Reindeer.

Think about it. Transgender people for decades have been asking for someone to create a show like this. A show that offers a respectful, powerful story that can “normalize” trans attraction. Trans-attracted men have been wanting that too. They may not be aware of it, but as they tell their stories of self-loathing, they create future realities wherein that self-loathing is soothed. All that energy, from both trans and trans-attracted people, doesn’t just shoot out and then go nowhere. No, it becomes stronger and stronger.

Contributing to that increasing energy are people resisting people who are transgender and trans-attracted. That’s right, those who are passing anti-transgender bills, promoting trans hate and more…all these people are contributing to the energy that will eventually result in normalization. But if the trans community resists what they see with their eyes, if they focus on all the hate, they prolong the unfolding of what’s becoming stronger and stronger.

But even that’s not a problem because their resistance, like those resisting the trans community, adds more strength to the energy trans and trans-attracted people got started. So when that energy does burst on the scene, the results are galvanizing.

That’s what we’re seeing with Baby Reindeer.

Gadd is what you’ve asked for trans women

Gadd refined his story over the years in one-man stage performances. Though he may not be able to vocalize it, I can assure you his coming to embracing all that he is, then sharing that with the world, is exactly what he came into the world to do.

And look at the results! You can bet Baby Reindeer is changing minds about a lot of things. Trans-attraction being the top of the list. Gadd’s trans attraction isn’t the center piece, which makes the show’s message about trans attraction so much more powerful. Instead, it acts under the main subject, subtly getting into the hearts and heads of those watching the show. Gadd beautifully ties in other sexual taboos, particularly pedophilia happening in the Catholic Church. In this way, his artistic statement covers so many bases, it reaches everyone who watches it.

That’s why people can’t turn away from the show. It’s just too compelling.

Finding your personal power

I assure you every trans woman and every trans-attracted guy is in the world for similar purposes. They may not all create films or stage plays, but every individual in this community enjoys the potential Gadd has expressed in the world.

If only more transgender women and trans-attracted men realized this. Imagine how much better the world would be! Instead, many such people live their lives in shame, self-loathing, or in attitudes where they believe they are victims, even though no one is ever a victim.

Gadd’s example is an example for the entire trans community. Each of us is powerful. We have the power to significantly influence the world. But if we’re living small, if we’re curmudgeon in our focus, always looking at the negatives in the world, we rob ourselves of the success, the joy and the influence we came to have.

I suggest transgender people and those who love them take the lesson Gadd’s example offers. There’s no risk in living authentically. And there’s everything to gain.

It’s worth letting Baby Reindeer turn you into a stalker. You might just find your voice, then your power.

Posted on

The Hidden Life Of Trans Attraction Revealed In Daring “Baby Reindeer”

TLDR: A Netflix Limited Series sheds light on the sexually divergent nature of trans attraction and celebrates the main character as he embraces his authenticity. The author suggests the Netflix series manifests from push back against trans people seen in parts of the world and they suggest those who see the world similarly help create an even more supportive world for trans people.

Baby Reindeer is an amazing show. The Netflix Limited Series tells a true story of an aspiring comedian and trans-attracted Britisher who makes his way through his extreme (this is film making after all) self-loathing, which lives alongside an equally sensitive emotional state.

And while events that unfold in the series are intense and in some cases hard to watch (and well depicted) they ring accurate for me, both as a Transamorous person and as someone who assists trans-attracted men with casting off their self-loathing and embracing who and what they are.

In this post, I want to share experiences I’ve heard from my clients. I want to compare them to what happens in Baby Reindeer and celebrate this show as an awesome milestone, one many in the trans community have been hoping for for years.

Fiction based on truth

First, let’s get this on the record: Baby Reindeer is HIGHLY FICTIONALIZED. It’s also dark, gritty and intense. That said, I find it an extremely accurate portrayal of trans-attracted men. How can I claim that?

Because I’ve talked with many trans-attracted men. I’ve also assisted such men get over their self-hatred, accept themselves and find peace with what they are. I’m also transamorous myself.

Many of us share similar characteristics. Chief among those: either an intense self-hatred or shame. We also share extremely fine-tuned emotional sensitivity. I believe that’s because we are a blend of both male and female energies, just as many trans women are. Nearly all the men I’ve spoken to or work with try first making a relationship work with cis women. Those nearly always end in break ups or divorce, leaving the men lonely, alone and having to face head-on their trans attraction. Finally, at least some of the men at one time or another contemplated ending it all before they turned their self-hatred or shame into acceptance.

Donny, the main character in Baby Reindeer, experiences all of these characteristics. If you’ve seen the show, then, you know Donny hates himself in the extreme. But his emotional sensitivity equals his self-hatred. This explains why Donny ends up enabling Martha, the stalker. He can’t bear seeing her pain. So he reacts to her in welcoming ways. The resonance he feels mirrors Martha’s self-loathing. And hers mirrors his. In other words, they’re a perfect match.

Donny also fails at romance with his cis girlfriend although they remain close friends afterwards. Donny doesn’t try killing himself, but his sexual rampage after getting raped very much reflects suicidal sentiment. He acknowledges this in the series.

Donny’s story may be fictionalized, but parts of it ring true for many trans-attracted men.

Rings true for me too…

My experience mirrors some of this too. Though “hating myself” would have been an over exaggeration, I did find myself in fairly intense feelings of shame. But that shame didn’t keep me from acting out on my trans attraction, late at night in bars, through personal ads and dating sites and in random encounters.

Like Donny, I too am emotionally sensitive. These days I’d call it “intuitive”. It makes me great at what I do for clients. My feminine energy is quite pronounced too. When expressing myself to those with keen gaydar, I’m often mistaken as gay (instead of queer).

Can you see how that last part might cause trans-attracted men to double down on their shame? Trans-attracted men are not homosexual. But being mistaken as one can cause a guy to feel really confused…which is what happened to Donny by the way.

Relationships with cis gender women litter my history too. Not all were horrible. But all fizzled. Looking back it’s no wonder. Especially when contrasted with how it feels being with a trans woman.

Thankfully killing myself never entered the picture. Even back then, I knew I had more to do calling me. Nevertheless, it’s clear to me that my trans attraction created situations trying to get my attention. Thank goodness I listened. This blog would not exist without me having heard their call.

A supportive trans woman is gold

It’s clear then that many trans-attracted men find themselves wracked by shame. Shame plus fear create a potent cocktail. It will literally cause these men to hide in the shadows. And, since many trans women consider these men the bane of their existence, these men, like Donny, end up suffering alone.

What’s interesting: the moment Donny confesses to himself and others all he’s been hiding, that hidden life evaporates. His freedom becomes pronounced. Trans-attracted men don’t need trans women to support them. But it sure makes the coming out easier. Which is exactly what happened in Baby Reindeer when Teri showed up.

Donny meets Teri through a trans dating site. She’s the breath of sanity and fresh air in the entire series. Played extraordinarily well by trans woman Nava Mau, the character both supports and challenges Donny. In my opinion, her support goes to the extreme. I won’t spoil the story. You should watch it.

The point is, a lesson exists in the Teri character for trans women. Even though Donny doesn’t use Teri’s support to move through his shame, and eventually loses her, that needn’t be the outcome of every potential cis-trans relationship. Indeed, as I’ve written before, I know many long-term relationships between trans-attracted/transamorous men and their transgender lovers.

I encourage trans women that if they want a man, they might want to help a trans-attracted man overcome his shame. It’s not an easy task. Some men can move through the process easier than others. But ultimately, as with Teri, the choice is the trans woman’s. Not every girl’s up for that.

Revealing and soothing

Baby Reindeer offers so much illumination on the subject of trans attraction. I don’t think Richard Gadd, the show’s creator, intended it to be about trans attraction per se. The show mainly focuses on Donny’s downward spiral, which ultimately ends with upliftment, all at the hands of an intense, long-term stalking episode. Still, so many things about trans attraction get revealed in this show, I’d say it’s a must watch for anyone wanting to understand a not-well-understood phenomena happening around and within the transgender community.

More than that, watching the series can do two really powerful things. One, it can soothe the really strong aversion many trans women have about such men, through giving them a sense of emotional understanding for what these men go through. Two, it can help the men better understand and accept themselves. And all that happens in a show that is beautiful, clever, surprising and, yes, revealing.

Go watch it.