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This Trans-attracted Man Creates Results He Loves Through “Wishful Thinking”

Photo by Michel Grolet on Unsplash

TL;DR: The author asserts that “wishful thinking” is the basis of how the Universe works. They give an example of a trans-attracted client’s experience, someone who once considered killing themselves, who is now living a life he loves. The author then suggests readers reconsider what they think “wishful thinking” is. Especially trans women. For they may just create better lives for themselves.

A lot of people, especially cranky trans women, call what I teach “wishful thinking” as though what I teach can’t possibly work.

But I know “wishful thinking” does work. When they use that phrase, trans women don’t really know what they’re talking about. Usually that’s because nearly all I ask have never tried out this “You create your reality” business in their lives. Or, they have, but didn’t know how to do it right. So their tests fail. Then they think “wishful thinking” doesn’t work.

But it does work, 100 percent of the time. That’s why I’m stoked this week. I’m stoked because my clients are stoked. So many produced amazing (to them) manifestations showing them they create their realities. As a result, all are amazed their “wishful thinking” produced exactly what they wished for.

Of course, I’m not amazed. This is just how the Universe works for each and every one of us. Including trans people and those who love them.

But to see it working that way, we must believe that’s what’s happening. Otherwise we get what we see. That’s why “I believe it when I see it” cuts so many people off from a wonderful life. Being realistic, being serious, growing up and being an adult creates sucky lives. It’s better to “see it because I believe it”, like a child does. Then, we open the door and all we wish for flows into our lives effortlessly.

Let’s take a look at the wonderful things clients produced this week and why I’m so stoked with their results. In this first of several posts, I’ll share “Kevin’s” story and how he went from wanting to kill himself to living his dreams.

Curmudgeon creates suck

Interestingly, all but one of these clients are long-timers. Two are going on their fourth year as clients. The third is on her second year. One, Kevin, is trans-attracted. What’s also interesting is, the long-timers both started with extremely negative world-views. As a result, they had extremely negative lives.

And that’s just how it works. Trans people and those who love them can’t enjoy happy lives while being a curmudgeon about life. Negative beliefs about life or about ourselves creates corresponding life experiences. The negativity needn’t be that strong either. Pessimism about life in general or a vague sense of annoyance about life or things in it – people, our political leaders, the climate – will give us lives that suck.

Of course, for most people that sucky life will just feel normal. That’s because such people grow accustomed to such a life. Which explains why so many of our community members’ lives change little if at all. They don’t realize life is supposed to be fun and joyful, with everything we’re wanting happening in our lives all the time. So things going wrong people just accept as normal. Then they get bitter.

And, the longer we hold to that idea, the more momentum that focus gains. It’s no wonder then that many in old age face debilitating diseases and chronic pains. These aren’t the result of old age. They are the result of a long time suffering negative world views, especially negative views about one’s self.

I’m preparing a whole separate blog about the connection between thoughts and physical illnesses, a connection which science is [finally] acknowledging exists. Illness doesn’t come from no where. Our thoughts create them. Just like they create everything else we experience. Including our success – or not – in love.

But it’s not magic

Changing those negative world views and their corresponding momentum requires persistence and commitment. Creating our reality isn’t magic. We don’t go from unsatisfying life to joyful life in an instant. We first must soothe that negative momentum created from years of persistent negative thinking and believing. The good news is, soothing that old momentum doesn’t take as long as it took to create it. Forty or fifty years of chronic negative thinking can turn around quickly. But it doesn’t happen overnight. As I said, this “you create your reality” business isn’t magic.

That’s what these advanced clients are finding. And though it’s not magic, results they’re getting sure seem magical. It seems that way because none of these clients did ANYTHING in the world of action to create what you’re about to read. Instead, the Universe did it all for them. It did that as an expression of how worthy each of these clients are.

You are just as worthy. And since the Universe has unlimited creative capacity, you can enjoy any life you want. All that’s required is you lining up with it. Just like these clients did.

Now let’s take a look at the first client’s experience.

From suicide to stage

The first client I’m going to call Kevin. Kevin’s been a client more than four years. About three years in, he let his ego get the best of him and quit the practice in anger. He thought he could do the practice better without a guide. And while some can, most people cannot. Which explains why so many who try to prove to themselves “wishful thinking” doesn’t work, get that result. Guidance from someone who knows how it works is essential.

(Above) “Kevin” realizing having guidance is essential. (Below) Kevin reacting to a session we had shortly after his return. This practice is powerful. It puts us in the driver’s seat of our lives better than anything I know.

When he first came to me, he struggled with suicidal ideation. That came from interpreting his childhood experiences in really negative ways, ways that had him hating himself. It didn’t help that he also felt extremely negative about being attracted to trans women. Both sets of beliefs and more caused all kinds of follow-on life experiences reflecting back to him his self-loathing. So much so, Kevin wanted to end it all.

It’s all projection

I know many trans women have similar stories…not about trans-attraction, but about themselves. Maybe even trans-attraction, which is why so many readily call guys like Kevin and me “chasers”.

It’s important to stress that when someone attacks you verbally or otherwise, it’s always about them. Not you. Their attack is a projection of what’s going on in them, directed at you. They do that because they can’t bear to accept what’s happening inside them.

When a trans woman calls a guy a chaser, for example, that’s her projecting. After all, there’s no way a guy could find a trans woman attractive. That’s a thought such women harbor and is a reflection of their own self-dissatisfaction or self-loathing. So they create for themselves situations in which their thoughts get projected into their reality.

Like all trans women and trans-attracted men, Kevin came into the world to express leading edge human experience. His particular expression is on-stage performance as well as his trans attraction. When he’s thinking about being on stage, he feels alive and invigorated. But his disempowering beliefs about his past and his doubling-down on negative interpretations of the follow-on life experiences had him indulging in drinking, whoring, pornography and angrily confronting and blaming friends and family until he found himself pretty much alone. In other words, he was doing a lot of projecting.

Kevin’s destiny is being on stage. (Photo by Felix Mooneeram on Unsplash)

Transformed right before my eyes

All that started changing in the first part of our time to gather. But in the second half, Kevin was really ready. Changes came quite quick. Before long, my Broader Perspective told me he was ready to get on stage as a comedian for the first time. A little encouragement from me had him start preparing a five minute routine.

Some false starts ensued as his old negative momentum asserted itself. That happening is just part of the path. Old momentum asserting itself can act as booster rockets propelling us toward our desire. Most people don’t understand this though, so when old momentum asserts itself, most people will double-down on that, thus creating futures consistent with that old momentum.

For example, Kevin worried what people would think about his comedy. His comedy largely entails talking about his trans-attraction. He also worried about his mother’s criticism. She told him he should stop dreaming and get a real job. She also thought his talking publicly about trans women would prevent him from meeting a “real woman”. These worries had Kevin doubt his path. With some help, however, Kevin saw through all this.

So instead of collapsing into his old momentum and giving up on his dream, Kevin leaned in. By our next session, he read me a two minute version of his first routine and….OMG…it was spectacular! It was funny, insightful, and relevant. Most of all it was hilarious. But what was really remarkable was how Kevin’s demeanor shifted as he read the routine. He became a totally different person! He was invigorated, excited and animated. His confidence poured out of him. After reading the routine, he couldn’t stand still. He paced around his apartment full of himself.

This is exactly what it feels like being in tune with our Broader Perspective. We are literally so full of ourselves, sitting still is impossible. We want to move, express, revel and bask. That’s what Kevin did the rest of our session.

Everything is possible for everyone

In the days that followed, Kevin sent me texts about how high-flying he was. It was a remarkable shift between how he expressed himself before. Instead of spending hours at the bar or watching porn as he used to, Kevin literally poured himself into his comedy routine, extending it to five minutes. The more he worked on it, the more confident he got. Here are some texts offering progress reports:

Kevin raving about his routine.

Kevin is for sure on the path to his deepest desire. And his artistic expression shows it. But even more evident is how he’s feeling. There’s nothing better than the feeling of joy and empowerment. They are the pinnacle of what’s possible for humans. From there, everything is possible.

I’m stoked at what Kevin has done. He’s literally gone from wanting to kill himself, to now being eager to get on stage and deliver his routine. I know he’s going to knock them dead…figuratively speaking of course!

Remember, none of this is special. Kevin’s experience can be anyone’s. It is everyone’s experience, even for those wanting to kill themselves. That’s because the Universe is ALWAYS reflecting back to us what we’re creating. And it’s “wishful thinking” that gets that ball rolling.

“Wishful thinking” is the best justice

A transgender reader of my stories once said this “you create your reality” business is totally unjust. They couldn’t understand how people could experience such pain and struggle she sees around her, while I’m claiming they’re creating their experience. I told her nothing is more just than getting exactly what we’re emanating. And when we tune our emanations such that they match our desires, we get lives full of that – our desires. Nothing can be more just than that.

People just need to realize they’re at the center of their lives, creating it as they go along, either by default or deliberately. Most are doing it by default. But everyone can do it deliberately.

Next week, we’ll look at another awesome story of another client, this one also an artist, who used “wishful thinking” in a way that the Universe delighted him.

In the meantime consider rethinking what “wishful thinking” means for you. Doing so could create a life you once thought impossible.

Because everything is possible for every one of us. Including you.

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The Election Is Almost Here. What Results Do We Want?

TL;DR: The author suggests that trans people face a momentous point in US history, a crossroads where they may experience joy, or terror. They suggest then that it’s more important than ever that such people remain as positive as possible in their thoughts and beliefs. They assert that one person can change the shape of history when that person aligns with positive energy. So they urge trans and trans-attracted people to align themselves with their positive desires at this important time.

We’re coming to an important moment in the United States. Some say it’s a battle between good and evil. It’s not that, but it is important to know what’s happening. And it’s important to know how to get what we want.

This is especially so for trans and trans-attracted people. That’s because whatever happens in November will either fill such people with joy…or with terror.

As this moment looms therefore, empowerment and joy are critical. That’s because those two emotions tell us we’re lined up with what we’re wanting. Empowerment and joy, consistently held, will allow us to experience only that which we’re wanting.

Which explains why those not in empowerment and joy experience more of what they’re NOT wanting. This is often the case with my brothers and sisters in the trans community. Republicans aren’t the only ones focusing mostly on what they don’t want. Some of us are doing it too. So it’s no surprise the Right is getting so much attention.

But the change happening is happening, not because of those who focus on what they don’t want. It’s happening because of those small numbers focused on what they do want. 

Let’s look more at what I mean.

Retribution is off track

The numbers of those focused on what they do want are small. That doesn’t matter though, because it only takes one. But when more are aligned together, nothing can stop their influence.

That explains why republicans must resort to all kinds of negative attacks and dirty tricks. There’s no power in negativity because there’s no Source of that. Just as there’s no Source of evil. Evil and negativity come from squeezing off the flow of pure positivity we all are. When a person does that, they first feel negative emotion. That’s what emotions are for: to help us navigate vibrational reality. And all physical reality is vibrational.

If they don’t get the emotional clue though, they’ll “manifest” evidence showing them where they’re going. They’ll experience events in reality consistent with their negative thought, belief and emotion. When they focus long on those thoughts, beliefs and emotions, thereby doubling down on them, they amplify their focus. So they experience even more evidence consistent with their focus.

It only takes one person tuned in to the power of All That Is to shape the course of history. But more than one all aligned are unstoppable.

That includes drawing to them people reflecting back to them who they’re being vibrationally. Which explains why so many people are rallying around Trump. It’s not that Trump and his legion are evil. It’s that they all resonate with one another. They resonate in a strong stream of disconnection. And almost all of them feel anger, fear, insecurity and disempowerment. No wonder they revel in the idea of retribution. Retribution is a sign one is really off track from their positive Source.

Many trans women have this going on around the belief “chasers”. Why are so many trans women meeting such men? The same reason why Trump has so many sycophants surrounding him. They tell that story repeatedly. So they experience that reality…repeatedly.

Stay out of that

And, as trans women complain about chasers, many democrats are complaining about what they don’t want too. But not to the degree republicans are. That’s partly why the shift that happened earlier this summer happened. It helps that people like me focused that shift into our experience.

Which brings me to the point of this story. We can all have everything we want. Including our choice for who sits in the White House. But to have that, we must line up with the Source from which such events unfold. If we’re wanting our presidential hopeful in the White House, but we’re predominantly focused on the “evil” of the other side, and the other side is aligning with what they want, and have a powerful, positive representation of that, we’re not going to get what we want.

So this election cycle, it’s important to push everyone else out of our equations. Let people have their opinions and ideas. Let them attack others and let’s stay out of that.

By tuning other people out of your experience and letting them have theirs everything you want happens seemingly effortlessly. Including getting the president you want.

These days, I’m pruning my social media feeds. I once thought it important to have a balanced representation of ideas in my social media. But now I get how important my focus is. And I get how important my vibration is. My vibration literally is the source of my reality-experience. I want that experience to reflect the best of what I desire. So that means focusing even more purely. Especially in the times we’re in.

Are you a match?

The real question is: what is it you want and what are you vibrating from? Do those two things match? I’m discovering that as good as my focus has been, it can get better. So I’m focusing even more on what I’m wanting, so that what I’m vibrating from and what I want are a match.

So far, I think I’m doing great. The specifics of my life, which are late-stage indicators of my vibrational focus, are constantly improving. Life is getting better and better. The same is true for my clients lives.

But most important, I feel that joy and empowerment; the early-stage indicators that I’m on track to everything I want.

Life is getting better for us all. Can you see it? Are your desires and what you’re vibrating from a match? I can say, without a doubt; hell yes!

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Why Positivity Matters So Much In Today’s World

Photo by Maria Thalassinou on Unsplash

Editor’s note: This post is duplicated from our other blog, Positively Focused, because of the importance of the subject matter: This year’s elections.

TL;DR: The author submits this petition asking that readers purposefully choose the future they’re creating rather than creating the future by default. They explain how this can happen, then encourage all readers to join them in creating the optimal outcome for all of humanity.

It’s important at this time in society’s unfolding, to hold a gentle, nonchalant even, intention about what we, as individuals, want — what we want in a society, what we want in our countries, what we want from leaders.

Maybe you’ve noticed a rising tide of nationalism and authoritarianism worldwide. A certain timing is happening in which we are subjecting ourselves to greater levels of “contrast”. People not tuned into the Positively Focused Way would call this contrast “a lot of bad shit happening”. 

And yet, all this contrast is good. It prompts us to create futures in the probable future reality-scape containing all that we want and none of what we don’t.

For such futures to become our now, however, we must line up with them. Otherwise, those ideal futures remain in the future probable reality-scape, awaiting points of consciousness that will allow it into their reality. This explains why “improvement” generally takes so long.

Why positive change takes so long

Most people can identify what they want. But they’re more practiced at knowing what they don’t want. In knowing what they don’t want, they’ll also identify what they do want, even if they’re not aware of it.

But most people will keep their attention on what they don’t want. Doing that, they draw more of that — what they don’t want –– into their experience. Then they look at the newest iteration, and amplify more that they don’t want it, which then creates even more unwanted.

In other words, by keeping their attention on what they don’t want, they align with and allow or create more of that in the probable future reality-scape, which then, because they’re aligned with that through their attention, becomes more of their current reality.

Nearly everyone does this. 

Meanwhile, a lot of “good” or “wanted” remains in nonphysical waiting for us. Usually all that “good” shows up. But often that’s long after those who put it those things in nonphysical pass away.

Deja Vu all over again. It happened in 2020…it’s happening again this year. (Photo by Maria Thalassinou on Unsplash)

One person can change the tide

Take today’s politics for example. A lot of people are focusing on what they don’t want. They don’t want senile, old Joe running, for example. Or people don’t want Trump, or any republican, as president.

The problem with focusing on those unwanted things is exactly as I said above: doing so creates probable future realities wherein those things do happen. Again, keeping attention on the unwanted outcome, those doing that put more of that in the probably future reality-scape. Continued attention increases the probability that those unwanted outcomes will become their reality. They become our reality too. Especially if we’re not purposeful in our own focus.

But it only takes one person doing it differently to change the tide. Which is why I’m offering this petition. I’m one of those people. I’m focused on allowing my desire, purposefully. I invite everyone reading this to do the same.

One of my clients who is learning what you’re reading asked what happens if two people want opposite things. Abraham answered this before. Here’s what they said:

How the universe delivers on all desires. Even those seemingly in conflict.

Everyone gets what they want…eventually

I reflected the same wisdom. Here’s what I said in that text conversation. It’s a long series so bear with that:

In essence, everyone gets what they want. But the one with the strongest positive momentum prevails in the details. And the more one aligns with that strong, fast moving energy, the more powerfully such a person becomes.

We’ve seen authoritarian forces held at bay across the world. They’re making some strides, but they cannot prevail against the positive energy at our disposal. One person is all it takes. And two, lined up together, are unstoppable. Abraham has also spoken about this:

As we enter national elections in the US, I invite my fellow Americans to align with an outcome best serving us all. That doesn’t mean Biden keeping the White House. Just because we’re presented with only two options, that doesn’t limit what’s possible. What we believe sets the limits. 

So what do you believe?

I believe anything is possible. I KNOW this. And so I intend a positive outcome in this years’ elections. One in which progressives keep the seat.

Post script

Hours after writing the first draft of this post, Joe Biden, while infected with COVID, dropped out of the race. He’s endorsed Kamala Harris. The Universe acts in ways mysterious only to those who don’t understand how it works. I know how it works, so it’s not mysterious at all.

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MORE Results That The World Is Better For Trans People

Bailey Anne Kennedy and her husband both at their wedding (Instagram)

TLDR: The author, who is transamorous, argues once again that the world is improving for transgender people and those who love them. They point to the Miss Maryland USA Pageant Coronation, which happened this month, as evidence supporting their argument. They then conclude by suggesting transgender lives will improve even more when trans people and those who love them adopt optimism and positivity.

The evidence is overwhelming, if you know where to look.

What evidence do I refer to? Evidence proving the world is getting better for transgender people. This time, evidence comes from the stage of a major US tradition: The Miss USA pageant.

Once again, a transgender woman competes in and wins a major pageant title. This time, it’s Maryland. Bailey Anne Kennedy, an Asian-American trans woman, walked down the stage and received her crown for becoming Miss Maryland 2024 this month. Her win represents a number of firsts.

According to news reports, this was her first pageant ever. It’s also the first time in the state that a trans woman won the title. It’s also the first time a woman over 28 won. Kennedy is 31. She’s also the first married woman to compete and win. Kennedy will next go on to compete in the Miss USA pageant in August.

What’s really astonishing about this wonderful milestone is it comes on the heels of another wonderful piece of news we shared back in August last year. Back then we shared news that a wealthy trans woman purchased several beauty pageants around the world. After taking ownership, she changed participant requirements in order to broaden the field of competitors. One of those pageants she owns is Miss USA.

So who is the new Miss Maryland USA? Let’s take a closer look.

Who is Bailey Anne Kennedy?

Kennedy is Cambodian American. She’s a military spouse, whose husband, according to her Instagram, is a Captain in the United States Marine Corps. He graduated both from tanker school and flight school, again, according to Kennedy’s Instagram. That’s two impressive accomplishments. It appears that Kennedy may work or volunteer at the USO as well, which may have been how she met her husband.

Kennedy, who is 31, broke several barriers in her pursuit of the Maryland title. First, her status as a trans woman, obviously. But that’s not a first. Well, it is for Maryland. But several trans women have won similar titles elsewhere.

She follows Marina Machete, who was the first trans woman to win the Miss Portugal title, Rikke Valerie Kolle, who won Miss Netherlands, Kataluna Enriquez became the first trans woman crowned Miss Nevada In 2021, and In 2018, a trans woman, Angela Ponce, competed for Spain in the Miss Universe pageant.

Why this is big

The reason this is big is because these competitions are judged by ordinary people from relevant industries.

Judges in 2022, for example, included Ashlee Clarke, an American businesswoman and producer, Soo Yeon Lee, a South Korean table tennis player and model, Kirk Myers an American fitness trainer, Olivia Ponton, an American model and social media influencer, Aaron Potts, an American fashion designer and Nicole Williams-English a Canadian fashion designer and model.

So trans women competing against and winning over cisgender women shows, to me anyway, growing acceptance that transgender women are women.

Additionally, a Miss USA title is just fluff. Winners travel the world as ambassadors. They promote charitable causes of their choosing. They also enjoy nearly unlimited opportunities as models and spokeswomen. All this means VISIBILITY. And visibility is a powerful social change agent.

So there’s a growing roster of trans women competing and winning in beauty pageants and those women are becoming more visible in the world. That’s a great thing.

Back to Kennedy

And even though trans women are making significant inroads here, Kennedy is more than that. As we said, she is the first woman to win a pageant title at her age (31) after pageant officials open the competition to anyone over 18. Before this change, only women under 28 could compete. Oh, she’s also married, which is another pageant first. That she’s married to an American military officer is another first.

Kennedy has high aspirations since winning. She wants to role model opportunity for other women and girls, trans women particularly, and advocate for veterans, which makes sense given that her husband is a Jarhead and she appears to work or volunteer for the USO.

Kennedy her husband and their dogs (Instagram)

It’s happening and it’s all good

At least one news report included in their coverage a rolling tally of the number of trans women still facing violence and discrimination. We’re not going to do that here at The Transamorous Network. Instead, we want to focus on all the awesome evidence proving the world is improving for trans people.

Yeah, there’s some fear and insecurity causing people to act out against these wonderful people. But that’s not the majority of people, as we reported earlier. And while there are lots of people focused on what needs improvement, we take a different approach.

We know the more we focus on the positive, the more positively the world looks to us. We encourage trans women and those who love them to do the same. Because when we all do, our lives get better. And honestly, we can’t help anyone when our life sucks.

So let’s focus on the positive and celebrate yet another awesome milestone. A milestone proving once again that the world is getting better for trans people.

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No, Sexual Abuse Doesn’t Create Trans-Attracted People

Photo by Susan Wilkinson on Unsplash

TL;DR: The author shares a commenter expressing dismay about how trans attraction is depicted in the Netflix series “Baby Reindeer”. The author then uses that comment to show how the trope that trans-attracted people are sexual abuse victims represents shallow thinking on the part of those expressing such views.

Back in May I gushed about the Netflix Limited Series “Baby Reindeer”. My focus, obviously, wasn’t on the main plot, but the sub plot; that being the main character “Donny’s” trans-attraction. I gushed about it because I thought the entire series did a great job describing how shame and self-loathing can create a truly, sucky life.

Which is exactly what Donny lived.

While writing that series of posts, I received an interesting comment from a trans-attracted guy. The comment made a point I hadn’t considered. I hadn’t considered it because I don’t believe the point the writer made about trans attraction or about the show. So the point went right over my head.

I’m glad then, that the commenter made the point. It’s worth taking a closer look at it.

So let’s take a look at what he wrote, then unpack what he’s saying.

The comment

Reading between the lines of his comment, it’s clear the writer isn’t ashamed of his trans attraction. Not only that, it seems he’s out about it. That’s great. So here’s what he had to say. I’ve added some clarifications [in brackets] for reasons that will be obvious:

I was baffled at first that people kept asking me if I’d seen Baby Reindeer – I’ve never seen *any* must-see TV shows. Then I realised there was this cis-trans relationship subplot. People I know wanted to know how I felt about that because they know of my own orientation and dating experience…

I thought [transgender actress] Nava Mau’s performance was fantastic and [her character] “Teri” was probably the only likable and relatable person in the show tbh. But I did feel that the show let her down in plot terms. No exposition at all for *why* the main character decided to go on a trans dating site. In an ideal world, sure, it would be unremarkable, but in the real world, it’s obviously not something everyone *just does*. And in that absence of explanation it felt uncomfortably like we were supposed to see it as some kind of sexual trauma response to his previous experiences as revealed in ep. 3. When, after their split, he hardly seemed to give her another thought, that seemed to reinforce that she was almost just a plot device to show him going through stages of trauma and self-questioning.

Given that it’s based on a true story, of course, that may just be a reflection of this individual’s reality. And yes, that reality may reflect a wider reality of a lot of cis man/trans woman relationships. But I guess I’m just disappointed that the plotline in that regard always seems to be one of trauma, hangups, internalised shame, etc. That’s not at all my experience in my own relationship, and I’d like for once to see that portrayed!

So as representation goes, yes, Teri was a triumph, but as a portrayal of a relationship between a trans woman and a trans-attracted man I felt it was a lot less positive.

Shallow thinking creates condemnation

I really like this guy’s perspective. And, he’s right. I believe a trend exists in the minds of people that trans attraction is a response to some unsavory past. Often, that past includes sexual “trauma”. And while that may be true for some, I don’t think that’s true for the majority of trans-attracted men.

The commenter, clearly, hasn’t had that experience. As well, most of the men I’ve worked with also don’t have sexual “trauma” they’re responding to. Many of them did experience an event which surfaced what may have previously been unconscious orientation behavior. But sexual abuse “trauma” doesn’t create trans attraction in people.

Take me, for example. I didn’t realize my trans-attraction until a girlfriend in Japan took me to a bar that featured trans go-go dancers. That doesn’t qualify as sexual trauma or abuse. But it did open my eyes to an aspect of who I was.

One could say the trope that trans-attracted men trans attracted because of past sexual abuse parallels the idea that trans women are just “men in a dress”. Like the latter, the former offers no introspection or analysis. Nor does it reveal any effort on the part of the speaker to understand trans attraction, nor the men (and women) who orient that way sexually. Such comments don’t point to a truth. They just represent shallow thinking on the part of the person expressing them.

Which is why they’re worthy of us ignoring them.

Another trope needing examination

Trans-attraction is just as valid as any other sexual orientation. For transgender people, it is an important orientation. That’s because such people represent perfect matches for trans people. And because of that, trans people can find love they desire.

I’ve written before about how every sock finds its shoe. The way the Universe works, no aspect of being goes unmatched. There always exists someone to match someone who wants to match with someone.

Now, some people do exist for which no match exists. Such people eventually discover they are happier without relationships. I’ve known women who, after dating men and women, for example, discover their best relationship is with themselves.

That’s a great realization to come to. But it often comes after trial and error. Because all of us are conditioned so strongly to have a relationship. Otherwise something is wrong with us. And that’s another expression that’s gone without much examination.

A lot more happiness would exist if people didn’t try fitting themselves into the box the peanut gallery prescribes. That goes for trans people, trans-attracted people and everyone else.

Stories DO create reality though

All that said, I did have a client who believed part of his experience in desiring trans women came from what HE considered to be sexual trauma involving a relative. After looking at what happened over several months, however, we discovered a couple things about that experience. One, such sexual experimentation between relatives is very common. It’s not sexual abuse. And two, his role in it was far less offensive than he was making it.

In other words, his stories about what happened shaped his judgments about what happened. They also shaped his self-judgement. A self-judgement so harsh he contemplated suicide many times.

These days, however, this client is becoming more and more free of his negative stories. As a result he’s finding himself more comfortable accepting who he is, what he likes, and what happened in the past.

And that’s the point of all of this. Our stories create our realities. That’s why it’s so important looking at the stories we have. Looking at them we change those that create experiences we don’t like. Every experience we don’t like comes as a result of beliefs we hold. That means any experience we don’t like we have the power to change.

I think Donny, the main character in Baby Reindeer showed us this. By changing his stories he came to embrace who he was. The result not only transformed his life, it also produced a sensational hit streaming show.

Read my series on that show here: Post one, post two, three and four.