Author: Perry Gruber

An entrepreneur making the world a better place than it already is.
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It’s Crazy How People Would Rather Be Right Than Happy

Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash

TL;DR: The author argues for the Trans community to find happiness as a way to feeling better about Trump taking office. In this way, they say, trans and trans-attracted people and their allies can create the best future for themselves. Everything else is insanity they suggest.

There is a better way to live. One where Trans Community members, in which I include trans-attracted people and their allies, can live far more happily. In that better way, way more of what we want can be ours too.

But it requires giving up being right. Especially on subjects we feel fear about. Fear is a powerful emotion. I’m going to dive deeper on that and why it’s not a good idea to wallow in fear in this post. Especially fear about Trump.

Trump’s election victory has a lot of trans people fearful about their future. It has many trans allies feeling the same way, including many of my friends. A big reason why they feel this way is because they think they’re right. They think Trump has it in for trans people. They think Trump is going to follow through with his threats.

And he probably will. After all, a lot of momentum backs those actions. Momentum trans people and their allies contribute to through their fear.

And this is why it’s important that we NOT allow ourselves to succumb to our fears. Even if those fears come true.

In this post, I’m going to describe why, how being right is a problem, and how living happily instead serves not only our community, but the world at large.

Here we go!

Some background

This article will be easier to understand if readers have some background on where my perspective comes from. Readers who don’t have this background will get “triggered” by what I’m sharing. If what you’ve read so far triggers you, you should probably stop reading right now.

There’s nothing inaccurate about what’s written here. I know this from my own experience. My experience isn’t my only proof, however. My clients’ experience implementing what I share backs me up too. Those who don’t have life experience proving what I’m sharing is accurate typically experience “belief confrontations” when they read what I write.

A belief confrontation is what happens when a person is “triggered”. They have a belief, usually a strong one. When life gives them evidence not matching that belief, the belief pushes back against that reality. When that happens, usually the person behaves in ways we call “triggered”.

They get angry and lash out. Usually that lashing out looks like name-calling. It can also look like violence. Or it looks like responding in a comment where, in the case of my writings, they express how “wrong” I am. Yes, that’s right. When one has a “belief confrontation” they must be right. They have to be, or else the belief is threatened. So reality, including the other person, becomes wrong.

So as you read this, please remember you have beliefs and your beliefs may even be right. But if you’re triggered because of what you’re reading, then maybe they’re not right. Maybe your beliefs are worth examining and replacing with better-serving beliefs.

Is action better?

A lot of people right now worry about what’s going to happen when Trump takes office. Of course, Trump is not in office yet. So in the now, which is the only place we can exist, nothing has happened worthy of our fear or worry. The Biden Administration is still in office. Things are pretty much going the way they have for the last four years.

So this fear and worry is not about the now, it’s about the future. All fear and worry is always about the future. That’s why fear and worry are problems. Because when we’re fearful and worryful, we’re not using the now to our advantage. Instead, we’re doing the opposite. We’re using the now to our disadvantage.

Another thing we fear or worry about, that we can do nothing about really, is the fate of other people. Our worry and fear about other people is near-worthless. Even from the perspective of the people we’re fearing and worrying for, all our fear and worry does is cause them to fear and worry too. So now everyone is using the now to our mutual disadvantage.

To be clear, when we’re taking action as a response to fear or worry, then usually we’re not feeling fear or worry at that point. So action is a good antidote to fear and worry, because at least we’re doing something. But there’s a catch to such action: if we’re acting while fearing and worrying, then our action gets tainted by that.

I’m sure readers have experienced lack-luster results that come from acting while feeling anything other than confidence and clarity. We often bomb job interviews, miss out on potential dates, or our skill at something doesn’t shine when we act out of fear or worry.

Feeling better is better

This explains why action can often not be the best option when one worries or fears. And I haven’t even talked about the vibrational nature of those emotions and how they create futures we won’t like.

If people understood that fear is a problem and why, they’d probably not fear so much. Instead they’d tell better-feeling stories about what they fear in order to build beliefs that are more empowering than the ones having them feeling fear.

But most people, including trans and trans-attracted people and their allies, would rather be right than feel better. I know this first hand.

A newer client is deathly afraid of what the incoming administration will do to illegal aliens. She tutors a young Latina whose family is living in the country illegally apparently. My client is literally terrified for this young woman.

But what is her terrified feeling doing for the young person? For sure she can feel that strong fear coming from the woman, so she’s probably also terrified. How does that help her?

It doesn’t.

The problem with the future

When I try to get my client to think of better thoughts about the future, she literally cannot. She can’t get beyond thoughts she’s thinking about the future that has her afraid. Every time I try to encourage her, rather than finding better-feeling thought about the future, she has a belief confrontation: she instead attacks the validity of this “you create your reality” business, claiming she can’t believe what she’s learning, even though she’s already produced a number of powerful examples showing it works!

In other words, she wants to be right. She want’s to be right about the fact that Trump will find this young girl and her family and deport them. And she’s angry and miserable about it.

Meanwhile, right now, none of that has happened. The girl is fine. Life is good. The client is mentoring her. All is well.

It’s crazy focusing on some terrible future in a way that has us feel bad. That’s because we only have the now. The future hasn’t happened yet. So we’re feeling bad for nothing, right now, because there’s nothing we can do about some future act we fear.

Well, there is something we can do. We can create a better future. And we can do that right now. But we can’t when we’re using the now to create a worse future, which is what we’re doing when we are in fear or worry.

That’s a problem.

Unconscious insanity

It should be clear that it’s a problem because the future we’ve created from our past fear and worry we’re living in now. Trump won. And he’s had four years of experience informing what he’s going to do next. Between when he first ran and right now, we had the opportunity to create a better, preferred future.

But what did we do? Did we use that time to do that? Nope! We doubled down! We worried, attacked Trump and his allies. Whatever he and his allies did, we paid attention to and railed against it. We watched all kinds of media about it and shared it with our friends while wagging fingers and shaking heads.

In other words, we focused on what we didn’t want. And so now, we’re getting what we focused on and thereby created. I described this in my previous post.

The problem with using the now by filling it with fear and worry is that when we create futures from there, we have to experience those futures we create! So it makes sense to stop fear-ing and worry-ing and instead find better-feeling thoughts. When we do that, we create better-feeling futures.

But we can’t create around or previous creations. In other words, we’ve created the world where Trump is the next president. So now we must live through that. And if we keep worrying and fearing, which is what put him in office in the first place, we’re doubling down and thus getting more of what we don’t want.

That’s not just crazy, it’s insane.

Accepting our unwanted creation

Our happiness is our super power. It enables us to get everything we want. It literally is the power we possess, power we can use to literally create our reality. So let’s look at how we can use that power to create a better future for ourselves as a community.

Before we can do that, we must first accept what we’ve already created. We can’t create around what we’ve already created. Nor do we want to try to create a reality as a reaction to that unwanted outcome we created. That’s how Trump ended up in office in the first place: a lot of progressives, trans people included, tried getting Harris in office by railing against Trump. That doesn’t work!

So instead, we must accept what we’ve done. Then look at a future we want and focus only on that. That can be hard for people in terror about the future. So maybe it’s better to soothe that terror, that fear, by first telling better-feeling stories about what’s coming.

Let’s start there. And let’s use as an example, the child my client is mentoring.

What better feeling stories can we tell about that situation? There are plenty. Let’s take a look at those in a minute.

Getting what we want

First, we must know we’re not doing anything to change the child’s experience. The child, let’s call her Lupe, is a creator just as we are. She’s in charge of creating her reality and she wouldn’t have it any other way. What we are doing is doing something to change our reality. We’re coming up with better-feeling stories or beliefs, so that we can live a future in which we can see everything working out for us.

That requires more explanation.

If you look at life, you’ll see that everything does work out. While it’s working out, it may not look like it’s working out. And it may not look like how we’d prefer it to work out as it’s working out. But it always works out. So it’s important to get that that working out works out, even if it looks like it’s not working out in the way we think it should.

Life is beautiful and it’s always working out. (Photo by Robert Lukeman on Unsplash)

That makes sense because the Universe is having things work out for everyone at the same time. For that to happen, “working out” must look like an extremely winding path, not a straight shot right to what we want. And besides, often, what we think we want, isn’t what we really want.

For example, we might want a relationship. But we haven’t cleaned up our anger, our self-loathing or our belief that we’re not worthy of having a relationship. With all those things in place in us, we’ll get relationships. But those relationships will reflect back to us all those things in us. And so they’ll suck.

It all works out

Those relationships are serving us. They’re showing us what we must clean up to get the relationship we really want. But if we don’t know that, we might fight against those relationships and the men in them. We might call them chasers and fetishizers. We might claim they’re using us, not seeing us for who we are. Like this person who commented on a recent post of mine and simultaneously victimized herself and vilified men she meets, both being actions that are not in her best interest.

When we do that, we’re doubling down on those things in us, instead of aligning with what we want: a relationship. In the meantime, those relationships reflecting those things back to us are giving us what we want: They’re giving us a relationship, and they’re giving us situations reflecting what’s in us so we can clean them up. Do that, and our relationships will get better, until we end up in one that matches our cleaned up inner state.

So the Universe gives us what we want, but only the part of what we want that we’re ready for. It’s not usually going to give us what we want in the way we think it should. That’s usually because we don’t know what’s happening. But it’s also because the Universe has a lot more resources and means at its disposal than we can possibly fathom. It’s through that unfathomable means that the Universe gives all of us what we want simultaneously.

And that’s why Trump is coming into office. We’re getting what we want. We just think we know how that’s supposed to happen and when. Meanwhile, the Universe is doing it in the way it knows gives everyone what they want in the end. It all works out, in other words.

How to feel better through our thoughts

So there’s Lupe. She’s at the dinner table and we’re mentoring her. What better-feeling stories can we make up about her situation? Ones that we’ll feel better when we tell them?

Here are thirteen examples:

  1. There are many million illegal immigrants in the US. The government can’t possibly deport all of them. It would cost too much and take way too much manpower.
  2. Even if the government tries to deport them all, many of them will probably fall through the cracks. They won’t find them all. Maybe they will miss Lupe’s family.
  3. If things get too crazy, the American people won’t stand for it. Look what happened with the “Kids in cages” situation. And that started under a Democratic Administration! Certainly something like that won’t happen for long should it happen again.
  4. Lupe’s young. She’s going to be ok whatever happens.
  5. There are lots of people living happily in the country Lupe’s from. Going back to her home country is not the end of the world.
  6. Lupe’s smart, she’s strong. She’s going to be ok.
  7. Lupe’s with her family here. If she goes back where her family’s from, she’ll be with more family. It will work out.
  8. Things will probably change in the future. Lupe will be able to come back more likely.
  9. Life is long. Things are always changing.
  10. This situation will pass.
  11. Worrying about this is doing nothing for me but making me miserable. I’m going to stop thinking about this and eat some ice cream.
  12. This fear I’m feeling is useless. I can’t do anything about it right now anyway. Trump isn’t even in office yet.
  13. Trump usually has been his own worst enemy. His success doesn’t last. Maybe this will be another example.

This list isn’t all inclusive. Plenty more better-feeling thoughts exist.

Stop being crazy

And the thing about these better-feeling stories is, they don’t have to be true. All they have to do is make us feel even a smidgen better. That’s important for several reasons.

The first is about our life in general. A life lived happily-ever-after is composed of many “happy now” moments. It’s about living happy now. And now. And now…until we’re dead. So when we’re not happy now, we’re not living happily-ever-after.

Second, the now is the only moment we have. Why use that now to feel miserable, especially about something we can’t do right now. Trump is not in office yet.

Three, our power is in the now. By creating better-feeling moods in the now, we align with better-feeling futures. So it’s in our best interest to be happy now.

Four, our positivity is as contagious as our negativity. We don’t help anyone by spreading our negativity all over the place.

Lastly, everything always works out. If that’s true, and it is, why be miserable? It’s all working out anyway, so why not be happy?

The problem, the crazy, insane problem, is, people apparently would rather be right than happy. They’d rather squander their power, which always is in the now, by thinking they know what the future holds, and feeling miserable in the process. That’s crazy and insane.

Especially when the future can be deliberately shaped by every one of us! We’re doing it anyway! It’s just that when we’re miserable and right, we’re shaping a future we’re not going to like.

I say give that up. Stop being crazy. And watch how life gets better. Even with Trump in office.

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What Happens When “New Age Nonsense” Gets It Wrong?

Photo by Kayla Maurais on Unsplash

TL;DR: The author contends that “New Age” advice is never wrong. They give the example of how their inner guidance said Kamala Harris would win the last election, and they explain why that guidance was right, even though it appears to have been wrong.

In the past election season, my Broader Perspective told me Kamala Harris was going to win. As we all know, though, that didn’t happen.

Did my Broader Perspective get it wrong?

A lot of people who think this “you create your reality” business is “New Age nonsense” will point to such outcomes with an accusing finger.

They’ll say “See? What bullshit!”

Even some clients doubted what happened. One asked why my Broader Perspective “lied” to me. Another, whose Broader Perspective told her as well that Harris would win by a large margin, was shocked by the actual results. I was surprised, but I knew an explanation existed for the apparent discrepancy between our Broader Perspectives and the result.

That’s because I know what I know is infallible. I know the Universe works exactly as I’ve learned it does. So if something happens that appears contradictory to what I know, then I must not be clearly seeing what’s going on.

Given all this, I turned to my spiritual mentors for answers. I also dug into past knowledge I gained in my years of Buddhist scholarly practice.

What I discovered not only reassured me, it had me double down on the fact that what I know is 100 percent accurate.

Let’s take a look at what’s happening when it looks like “New Age” advice gets it wrong.

Understanding the unfathomable

First we must accept that All That Is is unfathomable. All That Is constantly creates more of all that is. And that’s been happening….since….forever. So no one can know the totality of All That Is. Not even All That Is!

That unknowable quality of All That Is extends to the intelligence of All That Is. It’s not called “Infinite Intelligence” for nothing. That means there are no bounds to how intelligent Infinite Intelligence is.

So when we humans try understanding Infinite Intelligence and All That Is, we must come from a grounded place. We must accept that, as much as we learn, there always will be more to learn.

One thing I’ve learned is All That Is assists all of us in our expansion. One way it does that is through contrast: experiences which prompt from within us desire. Now, “desire” makes it sound like those experiences must always feel good. The trouble is, contrast often feels not good. Especially for those who don’t understand how the Universe works.

Even for those who do understand, such experiences can feel awful. But for those who do understand, such people cancome to accept and even appreciate the real nature of and value that contrast offers.

The real nature of contrast is that it usually is an uncomfortable experience. One that tells us immediately what we don’t like.

More about contrast and its importance

Usually, contrast looks and feels like something we don’t want, such as our preferred candidate losing. The moment we have such experiences though, we also know what we do want. The key to contrast’s value is realizing this, then lining up with that which we want. In doing that, we feel better and that better feeling tells us something extremely important.

Contrast is all around us. It comes in large and small experiences, even insignificant-seeming ones. But the ones most of us struggle with are those that are significant, such as our political candidate losing in what we believe is a crucial election.

Nothing “crucial” ever happens, however. That’s because everything always works out for everyone. Everything always turns out for everyone because All That Is enjoys a capacity large enough for everyone to get what they want.

Humans make trouble for themselves, however, when they think what they want must come the way they believe it should come. Me and others, for example, believed the only way we could get what we wanted from the election was for Harris to win. That’s a problem.

Getting what we want when we line up

It’s a problem because All That Is is unfathomable, including its intelligence and capacity. As such, a human mind can never know the resources at All That Is’ disposal to make what we want happen. A human mind also can’t figure out the best time for something to happen, even though our minds like to think they can. That’s why there’s such a thing as “divine timing”.

I know it can be frustrating when we want something, believe it must happen now, and it doesn’t happen until later. Sometimes WAY later. But divine timing exists for a reason. The reason is because Infinite Intelligence or All That Is knows when it’s the best time for something to happen. It also yields to our desire, but only when we are a match to that thing. And usually, when we want something “now” we are really focused on the situation that has us yearning. In that focus, we’re not lined up with what we want. Which explains why it doesn’t show up immediately.

So when we try to figure out either the “how” or the “when” we usually gum up the works. We add resistance, which creates delay. We’ll eventually get what we want, but only when we finally line up with it.

Sometimes, lining up with our desire requires a stronger vibrational alignment to that which we’re wanting. Abraham calls that “stronger asking”. And there’s no better experience to prompt stronger asking, or to cause us to more strongly align with our wanting, than really strong contrast. Like our candidate losing, for example.

Introducing the path of least resistance

Another reason it may look like we’re not getting what we want happens when we, again, think we know how it’s going to happen. Especially when it comes to a lot of people getting what they want. Again, the Universe will give everyone what they want. But think about it. The US population is over 300 million people. Untold billions of others outside the US were focused on the outcome of our election too. And, obviously, some number of those people were going to appear to not get what they want no matter who won.

The Universe, therefore took advantage of another aspect that we must keep in mind when lining up. That is, the path of least resistance.

The path of least resistance, as the name implies, is the path energetically between one point and another representing the lowest amount of resistance. Now, the path of least resistance is not the same as the shortest path. The path of least resistance usually is longer because it takes people some time to release resistance and line up. And even when they do, some resistance remains in their way.

So All That Is and one’s Broader Perspective coordinate to move a person around or through that remaining resistance. And it’s for this reason that one’s path to what they want may look like they’re not getting what they want, when, actually they are.

So when Kamala lost, I knew I was still on the path. I also knew I had focused too much on the “how”. It also was clear that the loss prompted stronger asking on my part. But why was it that my Broader Perspective told me she was going to win when she didn’t? To understand why, we must introduce yet another important concept.

Setting up another awesome unfolding

I’m glad I have a lot of spiritual study under my belt. My scholarly study of Buddhism came in handy in understanding why my Broader Perspective adamantly said Kamala would win when she didn’t.

I’ll get to that in a moment.

Interestingly, I had access to another resource I hadn’t tapped into in a while. In addition to their in-person workshops, Abraham also holds regular online events they call “Abraham NOW” sessions. Like their in-person workshops, these three hour events feature people asking Abraham questions and Abraham using those questions as jumping-off points to share their wisdom.

Now, to understand all that happened, to really appreciate it, let’s look at some speculative numbers around these online events. Somewhere between 1500 and 3000 people participate in Abraham’s in-person workshops. In a given year, approximately 60 workshops happen around the country. So that’s something like 90-180,000 people attending these events. And that doesn’t even include the cruises. In-person workshops run about $300.

But Abraham NOW events are only $49. Much more affordable. I speculate that about a quarter of the same number of people who attend the workshops in a year are tuning in to each Abraham NOW session. That’s a lot of people. But it shouldn’t be surprising: they’re more frequent, they cost less and they are far more convenient.

Those planning to attend an Abraham NOW event can also submit one written or one video question. For sure, a lot of people do that too. And there isn’t enough time to answer every question. So just like at the in-person events, Abraham selects the questions they will feature.

An example of past Abraham NOW event recordings from the Abraham website.

Was the advice wrong?

After the election, as I wrote above, several clients were struggling with the outcome. I was too, although for different reasons. Two days after the election, I got an impulse that Abraham was probably going to have an Abraham NOW session scheduled. They are Infinite Intelligence after all. So they probably anticipated that a lot of humans would be all bunged up no matter what the result. They would want answers.

Sure enough, when I logged into my Abraham-Hicks.com account, I saw an Abraham NOW event scheduled for that Saturday, November 9. I told all my advanced clients about it, then registered myself. This was on a Friday afternoon at about 1:45 p.m. The registration page invited me to submit a video or written question, but I only had until 2 p.m. to get it in. Perfect timing! I had 15 minutes to submit a question, which I did.

My question was basically “how did my Broader Perspective get it wrong?” I phrased it that way purposefully because I wanted an answer I could share with my clients, should they not register themselves. I wondered whether Abraham would use my video question on the live stream, but didn’t worry too much. Other people would have the same question, I knew.

So when Saturday came, I logged into the live stream. Sure enough, several people questioned the election results. Many were worried about the outcome. I wasn’t worried about that. I just wanted to know how my Broader Perspective encouraged me towards a result that didn’t happen. But it was good to hear how Abraham answered those questions.

As the event wound down, and more people got their questions answered, I wondered whether my question would air.

It wasn’t wrong

Ten minutes prior to the event end, and not seeing my question featured yet, I surrendered to the possibility my question wouldn’t get answered. At that very moment I surrendered, my iPhone showed what many in New Age Circles call an “Angel Number“. The number was 1313. And in that very minute, Abraham said “let’s watch another video”….and my face appeared.

Just like in my initiation journey I wrote about before, I got featured at the very end. And I understood why: all the other questions and answers lead perfectly to my question. Of course, that all thrilled me. But the answer Abraham gave was astounding too.

In short, they said, my Broader Perspective didn’t get it wrong. What it did was offer guidance that would create contrast that would prompt stronger asking on my part. They also said the outcome represented the path of least resistance for everyone given what they want and that the unfolding, post election, will contain everything everyone wants. Everything will come in ways Americans can’t comprehend right now, they said, but will be completely satisfying as it all unfolds.

The answer made total sense. Especially after everything Abraham shared in answering questions preceding mine.

After the live stream, I thought about Abraham’s answer. It reminded me of something I learned in my Buddhist studies. And the more I thought about that thing I learned, the more satisfied I became about the election. The more optimistic I got about what was to happen as well.

I want to share what that thing was that I learned next.

A parable of expedient means

The Lotus Sutra is the pinnacle of Buddhist Sutras. A lot of Buddhists and some scholars might disagree with that assertion. But when one reads the Lotus Sutra, it becomes obvious. The Buddha says many, many times throughout the Sutra that it is his ultimate teaching.

My scholarly study focused almost exclusively on this Sutra. That’s because I knew it to be the crown jewel of the Buddha’s teachings. It’s a marvelous work. It lays out in great detail the nature of the Buddhas, their blessings, where they come from and benefits those who hear the Lotus Sutra receive. What I remembered learning about was a parable offered in this Sutra. The parable is set up in Chapter 2 — Skillful or Expedient Means, and told in Chapter 3 — A parable.

Chapter 2 reveals that all Buddhas employ expedient means to lead people to enlightenment. There’s a lot of detail and repetition in the Lotus Sutra and these chapters are no different. But the gist of it is, Infinite Intelligence knows that ordinary humans are hard to reach. So it communicates in many different ways to reach them. Sometimes it will even use what people might call deceptions or falsehoods.

Chapter three gives an example of a rich man who has many kids. The kids run into a run down house (I’m simplifying the parable). Then the house catches fire. But the kids found toys in the house and are too busy playing with them to notice the fire. The rich man notices though. The fire rages and the house is about to collapse on the kids. The father calls to the them, saying “run out of the house, it’s on fire!” But the kids don’t listen.

Skillful means

So the father tells the children he has assembled carts of fabulous wealth for all of them. Not only that, the carts contain the rarest of toys and the kids can have them all, he says. Hearing this, the kids come rushing out from the house as the house collapses in flames.

Once outside the children ask for the carts, which their father provides.

The Buddha then asks his listeners “did the father lie?” No, the listeners say, he did what he had to do to save his kids. The Buddha agrees then goes on to explain how Infinite Intelligence uses similar means to move people to enlightenment.

There’s another story told apart from the Lotus Sutra. It’s about the Buddha on a path to a wondrous kingdom, followed by his adherents. Halfway to the kingdom, the adherents tire out. The Buddha sees they can go no farther. But he knows the adherents will rejoice once they arrive at the kingdom.

So he manifests an hallucination. Right around the corner on the path the adherents discover a beautiful oasis filled with all manner of luxuries. The adherents think they’ve arrived at the kingdom; they don’t realize it’s an hallucination. Once they are refreshed, the Buddha then disappears the hallucination. The adherents are shocked. Some are angry. At that point the Buddha explains his expedient means.

He describes how their destination is far better than what they just experienced. He also describes setting up the hallucination in order to refresh the adherents so they can make the rest of the way to the destination. In this way, the adherents realize, the Buddha has skillfully encouraged them to go the final distance.

Preparing for the future

See the parallels?

I sure did after I remembered these stories. What really brought the parallel home was realizing The Lotus Sutra and everything in it accord quite nicely with how the Universe works. Sure, it’s full of a lot of repetition and mind-blowing imagery. But behind all that are deep accuracies about how enlightened ones work, how people are and how the Universe works.

It was a reminder for me that everything I’ve learned so far from both Seth and Abraham is 100 percent accurate.

At that point I got how my Broader Perspective didn’t lie to me. Like Abraham reiterated, it didn’t get it wrong. It used expedient means to get me to reach for the end goal, the thing I ultimately want. Looking at the election from that perspective bolstered me. It bolstered me and also prepared me for what happened next.

That’s right, this story just keeps going and going!

The future is bright

The next week I enjoyed a couple conversations with a client who used to be a republican. He also possesses extreme knowledge about future high technologies across many sectors. Part of his knowledge includes blockchain technology. He’s as passionate about all this stuff as I am about spirituality.

The conversations with this guy made it abundantly clear where we are headed, not only as a nation, but as a global civilization. And, he showed how everything that’s going to happen will be a better extension fit with a Trump administration than would have been possible with democrats in office.

That future includes extreme material abundance for all. Super-high quality products and services offered at near zero cost. It also includes a fully automated infrastructure enabled by Artificial Intelligence and robotics. Indeed, the more he described, the more excited I got. And he didn’t just talk about the future, he speculated on how all of it would unfold.

Since I have the education and work background I have, I could follow pretty much everything he shared. It was a thrilling vision. I could see practical paths to all of it. Indeed, the more I think about it even now, the more convinced I am that this is our future.

Humanity has nothing to worry about. It’s all working out.

It was right all along

But in negative beliefs, in worry, in fear or anger, humans can’t see it all working out. We’re all going to get to that future my client described. That I’m sure. The only question is, how are individual human beings going to experience the path to that magnificent kingdom? Is their experience going to be one of sadness, worry, fear and violence? Or is their experience going to be joyful, hopeful, and eager? I know how mine is going to be.

And I’m encouraging my clients to cultivate similar experiences.

Why?

Because in those more positive emotions, we can see more. We can see opportunities we’re otherwise blind to when we’re wallowing in complaints about people who believe differently from us. When in reality they’re the very same people cooperating alongside us to create the future we all want.

That’s right. I wrote previously about how trans and trans-attracted people helped elect Trump. They had to have because that’s who’s president starting next year. That’s our collective, co-created reality. And nothing is asserted into our experience. We invite it all.

I know for many that’s hard to read. But Trump winning is the expedient means, the path of least resistance, to everything everyone wants. And that’s what’s so cool about All That Is. It has the capacity to use everyone for our ultimate good.

Interestingly, my future-oriented client claims that that future he sees will bring the far right and the far left everything both sides want all at the same time. Abraham said the exact same thing.

I’m so reassured by that. And I’m eager to see it unfold, knowing my Broader Perspective was right all along.

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Why Happiness Is Our World Changing Super Power

Photo by Ameer Basheer on Unsplash

TL;DR: The author argues for happiness as the one thing that will give people everything they want. They also describe the origins of All That Is as individual consciousness and encourage trans and trans-attracted people to discover this “truth”.

It seems crazy to say in this divided world we live in, especially when it comes to trans people, but the evidence is overwhelming: The happier we are, the better the world goes.

This is especially true for transgender and trans-attracted people. After all, we came into the world with world-changing intentions. That’s why we come in completely outside the “normal” box: because in our being we offer world transformation.

And when we align with happiness that is our natural state, then not only does our life go well shining like a beacon of how good life can be for others, the world gets bathed in that light as well. As a result, the world changes for the better.

But if we’re poopy about what we see in the world we come into, we just create more of that. Then we start believing all that we see is “true”. And then, we’re in trouble.

Because when we start trading in “true” we’ve lost our way. We came here to shape the future, not create more of what is; more of what is “true”.

We shape the future for ourselves, our friends and family and for the world around us through our happiness. Most people don’t realize that, especially trans and trans-attracted people. It’s why so many of us and other people are mostly unhappy. But when we remember who and what we are, life gets really good.

Let’s take a look today at both how and why happiness is our world-changing super power.

Let’s start with an accurate story

Imagine, if you would, that you have been in existence since the beginning of time. Way, way way back then, nothing existed; only you and potential. So out of that potential you created all that is. And in that bang, you watched things unfold.

As they unfolded, you saw things coming to be. You also saw things going out of being. As those things came and went, you knew there could be more. And so you created more. That “more” human science calls evolution. It’s not that, but whatever.

As more came into being, eventually more and more capable forms of more emerged. That included conscious life. And as that life expanded into more, you noticed something interesting; something invigorating: everything that came after what came before was better.

And those things that preceded the more, as they reemerged into the potential of All That Is, those things returned to their innate oneness of All That Is!

More, more, more…

The more this cycle continued, the more varied life got. And the more varied it got, the more complex things got. Despite all that complexity however, things always became more. And as all that “moreness” happened, you saw that it was all good, because no matter how things turned out, the things, as they turned out, either became more, or they reemerged into the potential of All That Is.

So imagine, now, here you are billions of human years later. All the things that have become more, all the things that have become and returned to potential, and all the things that have happened in that transformation of more becoming more, continues.

How would you feel about all of this happening over billions and billions of years? Would you be unhappy? Of course not. All you could see happening was becoming more, more complex more interesting…more a representative of what you are; an eternal being. And over those billions and billions of years as things worked out, you, yourself, would have become more too. And in that moreness, watching all that more happening, you would become more and more optimistic, more and more surprised.

You would become more and more delighted. And more and more eager. Your eagerness, delight, surprise and optimism would turn to appreciation for all that has come before. And that appreciation would express itself for all that has come and all that is yet to come.

Reveling in your trans/trans-attraction status

Then in your curiosity and joy, you’d want to become part of the moreness. You’d want to participate; see what it’s like in the “first person”. And so you’d put yourself into the process, becoming things, beings and elements that are making the more possible. In that experience, you’d experience terror, joy, pain, loss, happiness, triumph and more. And all the while as you moved in and out of those “first person” experiences, your appreciation would expand. It, those emotions, would become more too.

What do you think that process would evolve to, that emotional process of becoming more? Of course it would evolve into even more powerful emotions: love, being paramount.

That is what you are. You are pure love, experiencing for a brief time, a human experience. You as love energy are wanting to participate eternally in what you got started eons ago. And, as you participate, you want more. You want different experiences than those that came before. You want experiences that haven’t happened before. This is the more you crave.

So it makes sense, from this perspective that you’d come into the world as transgender or trans-attracted; two aspects you perhaps have never experienced before; as expressions of more.

Now, from that eternal perspective, would you be all poopy about being trans? Would you worry about friends or family disowning you or misgendering you? Of course not. Would you worry about people thinking you’re gay because you’re trans-attracted? Would YOU think you’re gay? Nope! You’d relish in your being. You’d be excited about your trans status. Everything you experience as a trans-attracted person would light your fire!

Happy while human

Well dear reader, what you’ve just read is what you are. But you’re only that when you, as the “first person” experiences their life in the same way that eternal being that is you experiences it. You have the option to not experience it that way, because you gave yourself free will. But when you don’t experience it that way, then you feel awful!

That awful feeling is on purpose because you want to feel your eternal knowing. You want to experience your eternal knowing because you know when you do that, you have access to something eminently powerful.

And that eminently powerful thing is that which you are. That’s right, you are the eminently powerful thing. And as that you can create any experience you want, because you’ve created everything else in your experience in your desire for more.

But accessing all the power you are requires you being that powerful thing. You do that by embracing your happiness. Happiness is our super power because when we embrace it and live in it, then we align ourselves with that full-blown powerful being that we are, yes, even while we’re experiencing human life.

So being happy while you’re a human is critical. It literally is the process by which all you want will come to you. This power is not magic though. Something important must be understood to enjoy the power you are. We’ll talk about that next.

Reaching for happiness allows all we want to happen.

It’s where “reality” comes from

Remember: we all come into the world having forgotten. Until we remember, we’re still using all that immense power to create. Everything surrounding us is our creation. That includes family members who refuse to acknowledge you as a woman as well as those who might be really angry if you come out as trans-attracted.

Where else do you think these people come from?

Situations are exactly the same. They reflect the confusion in you. Or they reflect the conflict within you. If you don’t want to be trans, but are, life will reflect that conflict back to you. You’ll attract experiences of people hating or rising up against trans people. Other things might happen too. You might lose your job or feel you must quit. You might even experience physical attacks or be ridiculed while using the women’s bathroom.

How else do you think you’re experiencing these things?

The problem with thinking they are separate from you and happening because there are people in the world who hate what you are is, when you think those thoughts, they run counter to what’s happening. What’s happening is you’re creating these experiences in order to clean up your distorted beliefs. The experiences are true! They are happening! But they don’t have to happen.

They will though and they’ll continue until you accept all that you are and feel appreciation for it.

Physical reality is a reflection of our inner state. (Photo by Chris Barbalis on Unsplash)

A powerful sentence

When you accept all that you are, you’re primed then to come in to appreciation of who you are. Not appreciation for being trans or trans-attracted, although that’s a great first step. I’m talking about appreciating you as cause in the matter; as the originator of all you experience.

It is in that appreciation that you step into your power. After all, the following sentence can be seen as positive or negative:

I create everything I experience!

Most people, especially trans women, see that as a negative sentence. They feel blame in it or that their situation is their fault because of it. That’s because they feel themselves as hapless victims subject to people making laws restricting their rights and freedoms.

People who know what I’m writing about see that sentence in an empowering way. They see the opportunity in it. They realize nothing can happen to them that they don’t create. Then they realize they can create anything they want. And that’s the power of knowing who and what we are as eternal beings.

It’s available right now

There’s no greater power than our happiness. But in order to experience happiness we must first clear out all that creation we’ve created from our disempowered perspective. The one that has us seeing that statement above as an indictment as opposed to the powerful realization it is.

So it takes a while to make permanent the state of happiness I’m writing about. The great thing is, the happiness can come immediately. At first it won’t hang around for long because of bogus beliefs we have cultivated for as long as we’ve been alive. But in time, as we soothe those old beliefs, the happiness hangs around longer and longer.

Then, as that happens, really wonderful life experiences start happening. As I’ve written above, life is a reflection. It reflects back to us, in the form of people, circumstances and events, our inner state. And if our inner state is mainly happy, then our life must reflect that.

And it will.

I write every week about how to cultivate that state of being. I also share examples of clients doing exactly what you’ve read, and producing evidence proving everything you’ve read to themselves. So you don’t have to just take my words for it. Evidence abounds proving what you’ve read is accurate.

So the question is, how long are you going to be unhappy, anxious, and insecure? I would suggest you stop right now. Stop and cultivate your super power: happiness.

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The Confusing, Surprising Struggle Of Trans-Attraction

Photo by Nathan Bingle on Unsplash

TL;DR: The author shares a trans-attracted client’s surprising example to show how astonishing life can be, they say, when one realizes thoughts and beliefs create reality and puts that realization into action.

Massive confusion reigns within the minds of trans-attracted men. Such men struggle with beliefs that torment them. They think they’re gay. Some worry about what their friends and family will say if such people knew about their trans-attraction. Others worry about losing things they need. Their job for example.

So when their life gives them no choice but to accept their trans-attraction, many of these men struggle in confusion. It’s like they feel they have nowhere to turn. It’s no wonder so many are on the down-low. Nor is it a wonder that some think about killing themselves.

Just as many trans women do.

It’s the same matter. Trans women struggle with confusion as well. They too turn to society for validation. It’s why many, many trans women hold up cis women as their ideal of what it means to be a woman.

In other words, trans-attracted men and trans women have so much in common, pairings between the two could provide a nurturing, safe space for both parties. Why they don’t provide that space for one another is no surprise either. Both sides blame one another for their experience.

This story is about a trans-attracted man who also is a Transamorous Network client. It’s about how he’s working through his confusion and struggle. It shows how accurate “you create your reality through the stories you tell” is. It also shows how, when a person learns how they create their reality, then uses that knowledge to their advantage, amazing things happen.

Let’s dive in.

Getting unstuck

Like many clients, this guy once struggled with suicidal thoughts. Those thoughts came from disempowering interpretations of his early life experiences. None of those past experiences were bad. Experience never is. Instead, they revealed to him at an early age that he was not “straight”.

There are not a lot of straight people on the planet. But because of fear of being something other than straight, people pigeon-hole themselves into that label. Trans women do the same thing in seeing themselves as women. They compare themselves to the cis ideal, then demean themselves when they don’t measure up.

For this client, his fear of being gay, and his negative interpretation of what happened in those experiences, built negative momentum within him. This client, who I’ll call John, made all those negative interpretations about himself. As a result, he hated himself. In time, those interpretations became beliefs about himself, which is why he wanted to kill himself.

Wanting to kill one’s self is a natural thing. It happens when someone builds up negative momentum born of negative interpretations that eventually become negative beliefs. Those beliefs then create real world experiences proving them “true”. When that happens, those experiences become more and more one’s reality. This process happens on any subject.

When a person finds themselves stuck in extremely strong, negative beliefs, especially about themselves, wanting to end it all often is the best outcome. Especially if the person can’t find a way out of that torment. And many can’t.

Even so, everyone can get unstuck. They came into human form for a reason. That reason didn’t include checking out early, even though some do. John is someone who found his way out.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves…

Projection is common

Like many people stuck in self-hatred, John projected his self-hatred out into the world. Projection happens a lot in humanity. It makes sense if you think about it. Very few people realize where their external reality comes from. They don’t know the external reality they see comes from their inner state of being. It makes sense then that if a person doesn’t know their external reality springs from their inner state – thoughts and beliefs – then rather than doing something about their thoughts and beliefs, they’ll blame their external reality for their troubles.

That often includes blaming other people. That’s what some trans women are doing when they blame “chasers” for their inability to meet a partner. And it’s what some trans-attracted men do when they say they can’t find a wholesome trans woman.

A trans-attracted man blaming his troubles in finding a trans girlfriend on the fact that “so many trans people are “pros” – meaning sex workers. But his problem is his belief that this belief is true.

But people, like everything else in our lives, are reflections too. Versions of people we meet reflect back to us what’s going on in us. So if we think all men are chasers, for example, we only meet those kinds of men. Men, if you think all trans women are pros, that’s what you’re going to find. Yes, it’s that simple.

The target of John’s projection was cis women. He blamed a lot of what he didn’t like on the fact that cis women wouldn’t give him attention. John didn’t realize cis women spurning him was happening because he spurned himself and because he is trans-attracted and would be better off focusing on trans women. So he blamed cis women for rejecting him.

It’s vibration, momentum and attraction…not effort

While projecting his hatred onto cis women, John also wanted cis women. More directly, he wanted sex. But his trans-attraction caused him to meet cis women who were equally as unsure as he was about what he wanted. John’s trans attraction is a part of what and who he is. Just like a trans woman’s trans-ness is a part of who and what she is.

But he’s confused as to what he really wants. He knows he really, really is drawn to trans women. Because he questions his trans attraction, however, he tries to be with cis women as a way of figuring himself out.

That’s a problem.

John also wants sex. And he’s confused about whether he wants sex with cis women, or sex with trans women, even though he experiences mind-blowing sex with trans women. His desire for sex with a cis woman is a further attempt to convince himself that he’s not trans-attracted.

Of course, cis woman aren’t stupid. But more important, they are as sensitive to vibration as any other person. So when John tries to convince himself he’s straight, by trying to get a cis woman to have sex with, they always can feel John’s inner struggle. Every time he tries to woo cis women’s attention, therefore, they, in his words, reject him. This is why John hates cis women.

It’s even more complicated

The women he approaches are also matches to John’s confusion. And, they are mirrors. They reflect all of John’s self-rejection back to him.

Not realizing all this, John started paying (a lot) for “the art of seduction” coaching. A particularly popular offerer of that content caught his attention. Before long, John was thousands of dollars into this approach.

But it never worked for him. Women kept spurning him.

I tell clients many things over and over. So much so I sound like a broken record, I know. But as one client said recently “sometimes it takes time for what you tell us to move from our heads to our hearts.” I totally get that because I was once in my clients’ shoes. So when you read what you’re about to read, I get that it won’t likely sink in at first. Ready? Here it comes:

Taking action doesn’t make ANYTHING happen. Everything happening is a result of vibration, momentum and attraction.

This explains why John’s indulgence in “seduction coaching” wasn’t working. All the action in the world, all the money in the world, can’t overcome the negative momentum of his persistent negative beliefs. Abraham puts it plainly:

Misogyny: projected self hatred

It’s no wonder then, that John’s inability to get what he wanted through “seduction coaching” deepened his self-hatred. It seemed the more he tried, the worse he got rejected. At his wits end, he discovered The Transamorous Network.

It took a while, but, as a client, John discovered several things about himself. One thing he realized was he had turned into a misogynist. He doesn’t like admitting this, but it’s accurate. In fact, I’d argue most misogynists have some self hatred going on. Just as many, many transphobes have self hatred happening inside them, often because such people are themselves either transgender or trans-attracted. So misogynists project their self hatred onto women in the same way transphobes project their self-hatred onto trans people.

But…that’s another story.

One day, John expressed wanting to try to go out with a cis woman as a way of figuring his way through his confusion. This was after a long period of focusing on other priorities through his client work. I suggested he do so as a way of seeing how he was doing soothing his old beliefs. I told him the woman he would meet would be a perfect match to where he was now in soothing his self hatred. He’d learn a lot too, I told him.

Boy, did he learn a lot!

The woman he met, let’s call her Meg, was quite a bit older. They decided to go on a hike. John was super clear with Meg about his disinterest in dating or even a relationship. He also was up front about his trans attraction, which seemed to not bother Meg. John told her he was exploring and really looking for a casual hook-up. Meg told him she was open to that, but she wasn’t ready just yet.

The hike went well. At the end of the day though, Meg hadn’t contacted John. When John reached out, Meg said in a text that she enjoyed her time with him but didn’t think they were a match.

This sent John into a tail spin. It triggered all his past beliefs about himself and, through projection, about women. Over the next four days, John doubled down on these old beliefs making himself more and more miserable. As far as John was concerned, Meg was, in his words now, a crazy bitch, a cunt and liar and more. All the while John felt more and more unwanted, rejected and miserable.

What John had trouble understanding over those days was the following. John wasn’t miserable because of what Meg did or didn’t do. John was miserable and angry, for sure. But those emotions told John something he really wanted to know. They told him beliefs he held about himself and women are not the same beliefs his Broader Perspective knows about those subjects.

This is an important bit of information and I’ll dive a bit deeper next because it’s important to understand. Knowing this information also helps us appreciate what happened next.

The valuable message of our emotions

Physical reality is, as I wrote above, a reflection. But a lot of people don’t know this. They also don’t know they come equipped with a hugely beneficial tool to help them move through this reflection towards everything they want. That tool is their emotions.

Every human is, of course, more than human. We are all eternal beings. We’re also much more than can fit into a single human body. So when we become human, we put a portion of us into the human body. Meanwhile the vast majority of what we are remains in nonphysical; the place from which we come.

When we sort of split ourselves up like that, that part of us remaining outside our bodies enjoys a birds eye view of our lives. That part of us can see all the choices we might, will and will not make. It sees the alternate probable future realities flowing from all those choices. Yes, even the ones we will not make. All of these futures fulfill our main purpose for being, which is expanding All That Is and ourselves in the process. So our Broader Perspective is keenly, always, seeing what’s happening as uber positive.

It also delights in wherever we are in the moment because it can see how where we are is the perfect place for us at that moment. So it always sees our present moment in the most positive light. When we don’t see our present moment that way, we feel negative emotion.

So emotions help us integrate the part of us in our bodies with the part of us that remains where we come from. I’ll share why that integration is important next.

It’s all about inspired action

Because our Broader Perspective enjoys that birds eye view, and because it knows what we want at all times, it constantly sends us messages – clues or gut feelings – which will lead us to what we want. But to receive those messages, we must open ourselves to perceiving them. We do that by integrating ourselves, matching our perspective of life in our physical bodies to the perspective of our life our Broader Perspective has. Do that and we can “hear” the messages.

Follow the messages and our life unfolds in a seeming magical way. Everything we want comes easily, often with no effort. Remember what you read above about action? Action doesn’t make things happen. What action does do is, when we take it, that action positions us in the reality coordinates of time and space where the final unfolding of what we want appears.

Inspired action is action taken as a result of hearing our Broader Perspective’s messages. When we get a message and we follow it immediately, we rendezvous with a delightful unfolding. But All That Is is always in motion. So if we delay, if we hesitate when we get a message, then we miss the rendezvous. Taking inspired action immediately then, is key.

So emotions are guides. They help us know, at any given moment, how aligned we are with our Broader Perspective. That tells us whether we can hear messages we send ourselves. And, when we hear the message and take the inspired action, we rendezvous with the ongoing Charmed Life I write about here. The life where everything happens with very little effort.

Let’s turn back to John’s story now.

A huge gift given to himself

It took a long time for John to understand what I was telling him when I told him, in response to his vitriol, that Meg was actually an angel he created for himself to see how his beliefs are making himself miserable. That his misery, which is an emotion, was a huge gift he was sending himself.

Can you see how it was a huge gift?

And for sure, Meg was an angel. Another way of putting it is, Meg was a reality John created for himself as a reflection, so that he can be aware of and do something about his beliefs. She was, what we call a cooperative component to John getting what he wants. For he can’t get what he wants if he’s not integrated with his Broader Perspective. And “misery” tells him he’s not integrated!

So his experience with Meg was a huge gift.

As I told him before, Meg was also a perfect match. She was unsure of what she wanted, as much as he was. She reflected his self-rejection back to him by expressing no future interest in him. Again, it wasn’t something John wanted to hear. I’m so glad therefore that the Universe stepped in and offered John an experience that brought that message home.

An astonishing unfolding

John felt a bit better after our talk. It took a while, but we’re all eternal, so how long it takes doesn’t matter. One day he got the inspired action to go to Whole Foods. He didn’t realize this was inspired action though. He just thought he was running an errand. That perspective was about to completely change.

While shopping, a little girl came up to John and, as he describes it, started a delightful conversation with him. John described the experience as “sweet” in a text he sent me just after the encounter.

But what really surprised me was what John texted next. Mind you, he was feeling much better after venting his vitriol at someone (me) who could channel that energy to his benefit rather than amplify it. Here’s his interpretation of that Whole Foods rendezvous:

Isn’t that an astonishing interpretation? Of course, when John shared that he couldn’t help but feel extremely positive emotion about himself, about the girl and about the experience. That’s because this interpretation was spot on. It also was exactly why the Universe brought him and the child together: so that he could further soothe his bogus beliefs. Beliefs about women and about himself.

John said he didn’t have words to express how delightful that experience was. He felt a shift happen in him, something that he hadn’t felt before. And he couldn’t believe it happened the way it did; through an experience with a child.

What happened next surprised John even more.

Dreams are critical

Over the next several nights, John had a series of dreams. These dreams took him to new heights of wonder and amazement.

Dream work is a big part of what I offer clients. That’s because dreams are a big part of life. Ninety-five percent of what’s necessary for us to have what we want happens in nonphysical. “Dream state” is another way of describing nonphysical. When we dream, we leave our bodies in bed. We join all the cooperative components in nonphysical. There we witness and interact with those components as they assemble everything needed — people, events, resources — so our desires unfold.

The reason I include dream work is because conscious awareness of what’s happening when we sleep builds confidence and trust that all we want is happening on our behalf. Conscious awareness of dream activity is also extremely satisfying.

Another reason dream work is important is because it makes us aware that we are far more than our physical bodies. We become acquainted with all the other dimensions, the alternate and probable realities, in which we are active, just as we are active here in this reality.

Acquainting ourselves with our broader activities also lessens our fear of death and increases our belief that we are eternal. So dream work is a critical part of the practice.

John’s crucible

I ask clients that they record their dreams so we can interpret them together. This helps clients become more familiar with the dream world. It also softens their resistance to perceiving dreams.

Everyone dreams, but for important reasons, most people don’t know they dream. Many who do often forget them the moment they wake.

John fits in this category. Even so, he realized over several dreams in the ensuing days that he was sending himself an important message as evidenced in his text:

In our next session John and I marveled over these dreams. They were cluing him in on the process he’s going through, which very much feels to him like a crucible. Interestingly, John had never heard of the word before this. A crucible is something, usually a process something or someone goes through, that includes a severe trial. And through that trial a purification happens.

So John realized these dreams were about soothing himself around the idea that he’s doing the work. Doing the work and benefitting from the work he’s doing. John was stunned in how applicable his dreams were. And he marveled the whole session about how well he was doing.

The unfolding in totality

I would love to end this story here, but that would be disingenuous. For as much as this experience moved John, he’s still struggling with reality as created by him, according to his still dominant negative belief momentum.

To understand what happened next, we have to recap what happened over the week I’m sharing about. John took my advice to test out his current vibrational state on the subject of his self-hatred and projecting that self-hatred onto cis women, by going out with one. That experience matched him with a person perfectly matching his vibration, Meg, who reflected perfectly back to John where he currently is.

John struggled over the next few days, but was able to finally soothe some of his negative momentum on the subject of himself and cis women. Soothing himself, he came into alignment with his Broader Perspective, which nudged him to Whole Foods where he rendezvoused with a fabulous amplification of the ongoing learning, which came in the form of a child.

Meanwhile, John further soothed himself in dreams in which he realized he was moving through a crucible.

But the Universe and his Broader Perspective weren’t done. In the marvelous, astonishing experience with that child, John integrated even more with his Broader Perspective. And so, the Universe brought him another gift.

A sick thrill

As we expand, the Universe will deliver more opportunity to expand even further. This is the never-ending process of expansion for ourselves and All That Is. It can’t be stated strongly enough: this is a NEVER-ENDING PROCESS. It’s that process of never-ending expansion that gives birth to our eternity.

John was in a strong post-expansion state of awareness in his realization of how profound his Whole Foods rendezvous was. So, John, the Universe and his Broader Perspective served up another opportunity for expansion. What that looked like was a surfacing of a series of old beliefs John has which also must be soothed for continued expansion.

These beliefs involved two subjects John has a lot of negative momentum around. One has to do with friends who, in John’s telling “rejected”, “disrespected” and “marginalized” him during what he would say was a time of need in his life. The other has to do with how he felt, again, disrespected, used and marginalized, by a trans woman for whom he has extremely strong positive feelings.

But John didn’t see the surfacing of these beliefs, and their associated negative emotion, as an expansion opportunity. Instead, he let these beliefs trigger even more powerful, negative emotions. Until he found himself in the depths of powerlessness, grief and, again, self-hatred:

John sent the text above two days after the Whole Foods event, the dreams, and after doing exactly what his text described over those two days.

It’s good we’re eternal

Many clients struggle with this. This “you create your reality” business is serious. It can be fun too, thrilling even, when you see everything you want happening with no effort on your part.

But until one builds evidence of that happening, it can be a real slog.

We can’t create a new reality without soothing the reality we’ve created. And if that created reality is extremely negative, then it’s going to take a while to soothe. And, that reality will keep asserting itself, not as punishment, but because of momentum. Which is why it’s a good idea to see it reasserting itself as a positive thing.

This is another reason why it’s a good thing we’re eternal. There’s no rush to John soothing his hold momentum, wherein he’s numbing himself and feeling suicidal. He has all of eternity to do it. And he is doing it.

The empowering news is, he’s the only one who can do it. No one else will or can stand in his way and prevent the work from happening. No one but him. For just as he’s the only one who can do it, he’s also the only one who can keep himself from doing it. That applies to every client. It also applies to every person.

No one prevents any of us from having what we want. We all do that to ourselves. That’s why it’s so important to get that our reality springs from our thoughts and beliefs. Armed with that knowledge, we can create any reality we want. Everyone can. Even trans and trans-attracted people.

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I Had Sex With A Post-OP Trans Woman

Photo by Dainis Graveris on www.sexualalpha.com

TL;DR: The author shares what happened when a trans woman invited them to test drive her new vaginoplasty. What they found and what they recommend may surprise some and confirm others’ opinion about what sex with a post-op trans woman is like.

What it is like to be inside a post-op trans woman’s vagina? What does it feel like? Is the medical miracle comparable to the real thing?

Not long ago, I got answers via an unexpected late-night invitation: a trans woman I know traveled to Thailand for her “bottom surgery”, recovered, and now wanted feedback on her new nether regions. She wanted me to take a test drive.

I was willing, if she was willing to take the feedback (and some other things) for what it was: my honest, unvarnished opinion. It was a hook up, no doubt, not something I do lightly or even frequently. But Jane, let’s call her, is a familiar person and I wanted to help. She’s also smart, kind, politically active, young and pretty. In the least, we’d have good conversation as always. So I jumped in a Lyft and headed to Southeast Portland.

I’m writing this for you guys interested in trans women who may not have had sex yet with one, or maybe have, but with a pre-op trans woman. Or maybe you have had sex with a post-op trans woman. If you have, I’d love to hear your experience.

Here comes mine…

Photo by David Travis on Unsplash

First, upfront disclosure: I prefer pre-op trans women for obvious reasons. Before you girls start hating, realize this is MY preference. It’s way more than about the plumbing alone and if you don’t like it or understand it, go after what you want rather than railing against me. I know my preference is natural. Yours are too. So go for what you want and leave mine alone. 😊

I didn’t realize Jane had a vagina until after my Lyft had long ago dropped me at my destination and departed towards its next fare. I sat there across from Jane on a tan couch positioned oddly in the center of her apartment, amid boxes, panties, cat litter and other assorted strewables. The place looked like two airlines crashed in her apartment spewing passengers’ private things wall-to-wall. Shit was everywhere…except maybe where it should have been.

Jane offered a good excuse: She’s packing for a cross-town move. Why she thought about getting vaginal feedback now crossed my mind later, long after the test drive. But in the moment…well, let’s just say I was focused on more important things.

The point being, $35 into a $60 round trip Lyft fare, it was too late by the time she told me she had a vagina to decline the offer. Not that I would have had she told me ahead of time.

I’m not a hypocrite, so being where I am in my own development stemming from practicing what I preach at The Transamorous Network, I had no expectations what Jane’s booty call would include. She simply asked “want to come over and have sex with me?” That was it.

I had no idea what Jane had in her pants either. I knew from lengthly conversations that she saw herself “as a woman”. My awareness extended only that far. Besides, I know plenty of trans women who see themselves as women, but have penises.

As I said, Jane also is pretty, smart and fun to be around. So I didn’t mind if nothing happened, if she had a cock or something else. No specifics significantly registered. I only thought it would be nice to see her, sex or no sex.

After acknowledging this was a booty call and with small talk catchup behind us, the night got more…interesting. A fairly rigorous conversation followed about “the act”: her desires, how she liked it, what she was into, etc.

I made sure everything about to happen was consensual, without making it weird, even though I thought about whipping out my iPhone and recording us both acknowledging a consensual pairing.

Most of our pre-foreplay intellectual banter concerned Jane’s preoccupation with my pre-op preference.

But it’s not relevant

Photo by Dainis Graveris on www.sexualalpha.com

Like some trans girls, Jane is hyper-sensitive over men who prefer pre-op trans women. I get that sensitivity. While some men can and probably do get off being objectified — by trans women and others — sometimes for their endowments, their six pack, or money, for example, most trans women I know aren’t too keen on a guy liking them only for what they’re packing.

Some men do objectify pre-op trans women. But most of the men I work with through The Transamorous Network want something more than sex with trans women. They’re rational enough in their desires though to know what they like, and I encourage self-love, honesty and integrity in all my clients.

Desires, I tell them, are to be fulfilled. So long as my clients tell stories consistent with what they want, what they want will fulfill themselves. Same with trans women and their desires. Planet Earth contains enough time and space for everyone’s desire. One needn’t criticize what another wants just because one doesn’t want that.

If a trans woman doesn’t want to be objectified for having a penis, she won’t so long as she tells stories consistent with what she wants (being seen for all she is) instead of what she doesn’t want (being seen only as having a penis).

So trans women: Go get what you want. Leave others to their desires.

By the time we talked through Jane’s triggered story about my preference (which was irrelevant) sex was a foregone conclusion. No one was backing out, neither Jane, nor I, nor my curiosity, nor her feedback desires.

I had never been with a post-op trans woman. This would be an interesting anthropological adventure! What happened next was….

Clinical…and about what I thought it would be

Photo by Dainis Graveris on www.sexualalpha.com

I should also add here that I’ve led a robust sex life, filled with many, many women, some men, trans people (yes, trans men too) and other more advant garde experiences I needn’t share. The point is, I’ve been around body parts. Including LOTS of vaginas.

I also have a fair understanding about how doctors perform the delicate surgical origamic alchemy transmogrifying a penis into a vagina. It’s a medical miracle, frankly, that it functions at all.

I’ve heard second hand from trans women that their artificial vag works just great, so well these coital doppelgängers work, men can’t tell the difference they say.

Yet never had I heard men describe their experience being in one. This was my first-person opening, a slot inviting my entry, so to speak. So, with relish, I took my shirt off. Then my pants…

Looking back I’d say it was what I thought it might be. Our pairing carried a tone more clinical than amorous. Imagine having sex with someone knowing researchers watched through a two-way mirror you knew was a two-way mirror. Or you had sex with a fellow researcher, while each of you remained mostly in clinical mindsets while fucking…

Going with that clinical vibe, here’s what I observed:

It was not a vagina

Photo by Dainis Graveris on www.sexualalpha.com

As much as a trans woman might say it is, it isn’t. Once inside, even with lube, it felt like a crevice designed with no thought as to the shape of a penis. It felt as though someone opened a hole in a body, but didn’t bother to contour it in a way to make it vaginal-like.

Unlike a vagina, no fleshy folds awaited inside to coddle me to orgasm. Instead it felt like rubbing against exactly what it was: epidermis. Not only was it too shallow and thus most unwelcoming for my length, it also featured insufficient diameter. Even with lube it felt the whole affair would rip my penis skin off, like the skin of a grape, were any intensity applied.

As we both undulated ourselves while in the act, I felt an uncomfortable hardness. No, it wasn’t my erect penis, rather it was a bone… I mused as to whether that was Jane’s pelvic bone, which made being inside her an uncomfortable experience in addition to feeling near flayed.

Also unlike a vagina, there appeared to be two bulbous, fleshy forms just above and inside the “vaginal” canal, only slightly protruding, like a tiny prolapsed anus. It felt exactly like a little penis peeking out of a cave. When Jane came, I felt ejaculate shoot from between those fleshy forms, much like ejaculate from an erect penis.

Speaking of penises, somewhere in my pelvis lies a muscle. When flexed, my erect penis, rises and falls without manual assistance. I don’t know whether a vaginoplasty, the medical term for “turning a penis into a vagina”, includes dismantling that muscle.

In Jane’s case, whenever she moved her hips as though to thrust, I felt the two fleshy forms aforementioned move…not vaginal like, but like a penis. That movement and the discharge gave me the distinct impression that, despite its transformation, and no matter how emasculated it may have become, a penis was, in fact, still present and accounted for, but now literally hood-winked into appearing as a vagina.

Finding my way around the vaginal exterior confounded me as well. It resembled no vagina I’m familiar with. I couldn’t find the clear and pleasantly erect, welcoming clitoris typically shrouded in its fleshy hood near the vaginal apex, even when Jane insisted it was there and vigorously played herself to orgasm.

Despite our mutual arousal the whole time, the experience was less than satisfactory.

I shared my thoughts in detail with Jane afterwards in candid, no uncertain terms. Not surprisingly, she took it in stride, listened intently while taking mental notes. She thanked me for the honesty and said other men she’s been with said it was just like a vagina. I don’t know these men, so I can’t speculate at all about their prior experiences. I only speak from mine.

Which include understanding…

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I know trans women don’t get vaginoplasty, vulvoplasty, SRS, or “bottom surgery” – whatever you want to call it – for the pleasure and satisfaction of the men. I presume the main reason some (not all) trans women go to such lengths is so their exterior decor matches their interior identity blueprint. They want to look how they feel…to them, most of all. They want to look in the mirror and see only that which matches how they feel. Many feel strong rejection of their penis.

I get that.

My opinion and experience therefore doesn’t matter as far as trans women go. If a trans woman wants such a procedure, I say whatever makes you happy. Maybe somewhere on the list for such women, a future partner’s experience counts. Maybe not.

Still, the following might be helpful.

One of my former clients, a senior medical professional who runs a major health organization, is familiar with vaginoplasty and vulvoplasty procedures. When I described my experience my client said my observations were “clinically and anatomically spot on”.

“It’s extremely difficult,” my client said. “To create something where there is nothing. Most literature in the field says results are marginal and often dissatisfying” in both form and function. He continued by saying invariably partners don’t experience satisfaction with such procedures and that it is routine that subjects return for repeated modifications.

“This is a major procedure and in my opinion not worth the risk and expense because once done, no matter how unsatisfied, it can’t be reversed. And at this point, the results are not satisfactory,” He added.

We both agreed over the reasons, the stories, which drive some trans women to seek a visage matching their ideals. So my client says such trans women should seek the most capable provider possible, with no concern for expense, so they are happy with the outcome. Even then, he says, they may have unsatisfactory results.

I have a hard time believing guys, especially those with ample vaginal experience, would find such a surrogate satisfactory, let alone pleasurable. My client, with medical experience agrees: “Any man who has had sex with cis-women will know right away what they’ve entered is not a vagina.”

I asked him whether there are skeletal differences between men and women in the pelvic area, explaining my experience with what I thought was Jane’s pelvic bone.

“Indeed,” He said. “The female pelvic arch, where the genitals are, is wider and higher than the male pelvis. So it’s highly likely you were grinding against her “male” pelvic bone while trying to find the right angle inside her “vagina”.”

Registerednursern.com confirmed this:

The subpubic angle is the angle produced by the inferior rami of the pubis, which creates the pubic arch. In women, the subpubic angle will generally be equal to or greater than 80 degrees (obtuse), which is similar to the shape of the letter “L”. In men, the pubic arch is narrower, creating a subpubic angle that is usually less than or equal to 70 degrees (acute), making it a similar angle to an upside down “V.”

https://www.registerednursern.com/male-vs-female-pelvis/

That upside down V was exactly what I bumped up against. Here, look at this drawing for clarification, which also comes form registerednursern.com.

Take note of differences in pelvic arch location and shape between a male pelvis (left) and female pelvis (right). The male pelvis arch is lower AND far more narrower, meaning, you’re going to hit it while fucking. Especially during missionary style. Photo: registerednursern.com.

“We’re just not at the point where that kind of surgery can produce convincing results,” My client said. “And it’s highly unlikely we’ll be able to create from scratch a faithful replica to what it feels like entering a vagina.”

So it goes…

Photo by Taras Chernus on Unsplash

I remember one day, decades ago, accepting a quite young trans man’s invitation to hook up, before Craigslist kiboshed its personals section. When I arrived at a St.Johns apartment, a beautiful, pierced young person with a full face of stubble welcomed me. When he took off his clothes, he had had not a stitch of surgery. Everything “girl” remained untouched. Beauty rivaling Venus stood before me. Venus with a beard and short hair.

As I feast my young eyes upon them, pang of sorrow accompanied my awe. I knew some day this guy would likely go under the knife, irreparably altering what I experienced as a perfect human specimen.

And yet, beauty IS in each beholder’s eye. What must be done must be.

I’m glad I had this experience with Jane, even though what she has holds no candle to a natural vagina. Not in my opinion anyway. Guys: Whatever you call it, this procedure has a long way to go. Natural vaginas, as yet, have no rivals. If a vagina is what you want, stick to cis-women.

I know my experience is but one data point, with a doctor’s endorsement of sorts. Still, I hope what I experienced was not state of the art. If so, it’s not worth the money in my opinion, and the state of the art is…disappointing.

I’m glad I prefer, and get the opportunity to enjoy, penis-equipped women, who are, like me, happy with what they have. If you like what I like, I assure you there are at least as many women out there who want to keep their penis, as there are numbers of us willing to go to bed with and love out loud penis-equipped women. Go for what you want.

Don’t worry about people condemning your preference. Your preference isn’t theirs so their opinion doesn’t matter. Let no one talk you into compromising. Especially rants from trans women. They don’t know you. They aren’t you. You are you, be that.

And for those girls who feel they must get bottom surgery: you go for what you want too. But please don’t let impatience or economics lead you towards regret. What I’ve found is the doppelgänger turned out to be a poorly-conceived and executed facsimile. My advice for men again: if you want a vagina-equipped woman, the cis-variety is the best bet.