Tag: Transgender

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I Had Sex With A Post-OP Trans Woman

Photo by Dainis Graveris on www.sexualalpha.com

TL;DR: The author shares what happened when a trans woman invited them to test drive her new vaginoplasty. What they found and what they recommend may surprise some and confirm others’ opinion about what sex with a post-op trans woman is like.

What it is like to be inside a post-op trans woman’s vagina? What does it feel like? Is the medical miracle comparable to the real thing?

Not long ago, I got answers via an unexpected late-night invitation: a trans woman I know traveled to Thailand for her “bottom surgery”, recovered, and now wanted feedback on her new nether regions. She wanted me to take a test drive.

I was willing, if she was willing to take the feedback (and some other things) for what it was: my honest, unvarnished opinion. It was a hook up, no doubt, not something I do lightly or even frequently. But Jane, let’s call her, is a familiar person and I wanted to help. She’s also smart, kind, politically active, young and pretty. In the least, we’d have good conversation as always. So I jumped in a Lyft and headed to Southeast Portland.

I’m writing this for you guys interested in trans women who may not have had sex yet with one, or maybe have, but with a pre-op trans woman. Or maybe you have had sex with a post-op trans woman. If you have, I’d love to hear your experience.

Here comes mine…

Photo by David Travis on Unsplash

First, upfront disclosure: I prefer pre-op trans women for obvious reasons. Before you girls start hating, realize this is MY preference. It’s way more than about the plumbing alone and if you don’t like it or understand it, go after what you want rather than railing against me. I know my preference is natural. Yours are too. So go for what you want and leave mine alone. 😊

I didn’t realize Jane had a vagina until after my Lyft had long ago dropped me at my destination and departed towards its next fare. I sat there across from Jane on a tan couch positioned oddly in the center of her apartment, amid boxes, panties, cat litter and other assorted strewables. The place looked like two airlines crashed in her apartment spewing passengers’ private things wall-to-wall. Shit was everywhere…except maybe where it should have been.

Jane offered a good excuse: She’s packing for a cross-town move. Why she thought about getting vaginal feedback now crossed my mind later, long after the test drive. But in the moment…well, let’s just say I was focused on more important things.

The point being, $35 into a $60 round trip Lyft fare, it was too late by the time she told me she had a vagina to decline the offer. Not that I would have had she told me ahead of time.

I’m not a hypocrite, so being where I am in my own development stemming from practicing what I preach at The Transamorous Network, I had no expectations what Jane’s booty call would include. She simply asked “want to come over and have sex with me?” That was it.

I had no idea what Jane had in her pants either. I knew from lengthly conversations that she saw herself “as a woman”. My awareness extended only that far. Besides, I know plenty of trans women who see themselves as women, but have penises.

As I said, Jane also is pretty, smart and fun to be around. So I didn’t mind if nothing happened, if she had a cock or something else. No specifics significantly registered. I only thought it would be nice to see her, sex or no sex.

After acknowledging this was a booty call and with small talk catchup behind us, the night got more…interesting. A fairly rigorous conversation followed about “the act”: her desires, how she liked it, what she was into, etc.

I made sure everything about to happen was consensual, without making it weird, even though I thought about whipping out my iPhone and recording us both acknowledging a consensual pairing.

Most of our pre-foreplay intellectual banter concerned Jane’s preoccupation with my pre-op preference.

But it’s not relevant

Photo by Dainis Graveris on www.sexualalpha.com

Like some trans girls, Jane is hyper-sensitive over men who prefer pre-op trans women. I get that sensitivity. While some men can and probably do get off being objectified — by trans women and others — sometimes for their endowments, their six pack, or money, for example, most trans women I know aren’t too keen on a guy liking them only for what they’re packing.

Some men do objectify pre-op trans women. But most of the men I work with through The Transamorous Network want something more than sex with trans women. They’re rational enough in their desires though to know what they like, and I encourage self-love, honesty and integrity in all my clients.

Desires, I tell them, are to be fulfilled. So long as my clients tell stories consistent with what they want, what they want will fulfill themselves. Same with trans women and their desires. Planet Earth contains enough time and space for everyone’s desire. One needn’t criticize what another wants just because one doesn’t want that.

If a trans woman doesn’t want to be objectified for having a penis, she won’t so long as she tells stories consistent with what she wants (being seen for all she is) instead of what she doesn’t want (being seen only as having a penis).

So trans women: Go get what you want. Leave others to their desires.

By the time we talked through Jane’s triggered story about my preference (which was irrelevant) sex was a foregone conclusion. No one was backing out, neither Jane, nor I, nor my curiosity, nor her feedback desires.

I had never been with a post-op trans woman. This would be an interesting anthropological adventure! What happened next was….

Clinical…and about what I thought it would be

Photo by Dainis Graveris on www.sexualalpha.com

I should also add here that I’ve led a robust sex life, filled with many, many women, some men, trans people (yes, trans men too) and other more advant garde experiences I needn’t share. The point is, I’ve been around body parts. Including LOTS of vaginas.

I also have a fair understanding about how doctors perform the delicate surgical origamic alchemy transmogrifying a penis into a vagina. It’s a medical miracle, frankly, that it functions at all.

I’ve heard second hand from trans women that their artificial vag works just great, so well these coital doppelgängers work, men can’t tell the difference they say.

Yet never had I heard men describe their experience being in one. This was my first-person opening, a slot inviting my entry, so to speak. So, with relish, I took my shirt off. Then my pants…

Looking back I’d say it was what I thought it might be. Our pairing carried a tone more clinical than amorous. Imagine having sex with someone knowing researchers watched through a two-way mirror you knew was a two-way mirror. Or you had sex with a fellow researcher, while each of you remained mostly in clinical mindsets while fucking…

Going with that clinical vibe, here’s what I observed:

It was not a vagina

Photo by Dainis Graveris on www.sexualalpha.com

As much as a trans woman might say it is, it isn’t. Once inside, even with lube, it felt like a crevice designed with no thought as to the shape of a penis. It felt as though someone opened a hole in a body, but didn’t bother to contour it in a way to make it vaginal-like.

Unlike a vagina, no fleshy folds awaited inside to coddle me to orgasm. Instead it felt like rubbing against exactly what it was: epidermis. Not only was it too shallow and thus most unwelcoming for my length, it also featured insufficient diameter. Even with lube it felt the whole affair would rip my penis skin off, like the skin of a grape, were any intensity applied.

As we both undulated ourselves while in the act, I felt an uncomfortable hardness. No, it wasn’t my erect penis, rather it was a bone… I mused as to whether that was Jane’s pelvic bone, which made being inside her an uncomfortable experience in addition to feeling near flayed.

Also unlike a vagina, there appeared to be two bulbous, fleshy forms just above and inside the “vaginal” canal, only slightly protruding, like a tiny prolapsed anus. It felt exactly like a little penis peeking out of a cave. When Jane came, I felt ejaculate shoot from between those fleshy forms, much like ejaculate from an erect penis.

Speaking of penises, somewhere in my pelvis lies a muscle. When flexed, my erect penis, rises and falls without manual assistance. I don’t know whether a vaginoplasty, the medical term for “turning a penis into a vagina”, includes dismantling that muscle.

In Jane’s case, whenever she moved her hips as though to thrust, I felt the two fleshy forms aforementioned move…not vaginal like, but like a penis. That movement and the discharge gave me the distinct impression that, despite its transformation, and no matter how emasculated it may have become, a penis was, in fact, still present and accounted for, but now literally hood-winked into appearing as a vagina.

Finding my way around the vaginal exterior confounded me as well. It resembled no vagina I’m familiar with. I couldn’t find the clear and pleasantly erect, welcoming clitoris typically shrouded in its fleshy hood near the vaginal apex, even when Jane insisted it was there and vigorously played herself to orgasm.

Despite our mutual arousal the whole time, the experience was less than satisfactory.

I shared my thoughts in detail with Jane afterwards in candid, no uncertain terms. Not surprisingly, she took it in stride, listened intently while taking mental notes. She thanked me for the honesty and said other men she’s been with said it was just like a vagina. I don’t know these men, so I can’t speculate at all about their prior experiences. I only speak from mine.

Which include understanding…

Photo by Dainis Graveris on www.sexualalpha.com

I know trans women don’t get vaginoplasty, vulvoplasty, SRS, or “bottom surgery” – whatever you want to call it – for the pleasure and satisfaction of the men. I presume the main reason some (not all) trans women go to such lengths is so their exterior decor matches their interior identity blueprint. They want to look how they feel…to them, most of all. They want to look in the mirror and see only that which matches how they feel. Many feel strong rejection of their penis.

I get that.

My opinion and experience therefore doesn’t matter as far as trans women go. If a trans woman wants such a procedure, I say whatever makes you happy. Maybe somewhere on the list for such women, a future partner’s experience counts. Maybe not.

Still, the following might be helpful.

One of my former clients, a senior medical professional who runs a major health organization, is familiar with vaginoplasty and vulvoplasty procedures. When I described my experience my client said my observations were “clinically and anatomically spot on”.

“It’s extremely difficult,” my client said. “To create something where there is nothing. Most literature in the field says results are marginal and often dissatisfying” in both form and function. He continued by saying invariably partners don’t experience satisfaction with such procedures and that it is routine that subjects return for repeated modifications.

“This is a major procedure and in my opinion not worth the risk and expense because once done, no matter how unsatisfied, it can’t be reversed. And at this point, the results are not satisfactory,” He added.

We both agreed over the reasons, the stories, which drive some trans women to seek a visage matching their ideals. So my client says such trans women should seek the most capable provider possible, with no concern for expense, so they are happy with the outcome. Even then, he says, they may have unsatisfactory results.

I have a hard time believing guys, especially those with ample vaginal experience, would find such a surrogate satisfactory, let alone pleasurable. My client, with medical experience agrees: “Any man who has had sex with cis-women will know right away what they’ve entered is not a vagina.”

I asked him whether there are skeletal differences between men and women in the pelvic area, explaining my experience with what I thought was Jane’s pelvic bone.

“Indeed,” He said. “The female pelvic arch, where the genitals are, is wider and higher than the male pelvis. So it’s highly likely you were grinding against her “male” pelvic bone while trying to find the right angle inside her “vagina”.”

Registerednursern.com confirmed this:

The subpubic angle is the angle produced by the inferior rami of the pubis, which creates the pubic arch. In women, the subpubic angle will generally be equal to or greater than 80 degrees (obtuse), which is similar to the shape of the letter “L”. In men, the pubic arch is narrower, creating a subpubic angle that is usually less than or equal to 70 degrees (acute), making it a similar angle to an upside down “V.”

https://www.registerednursern.com/male-vs-female-pelvis/

That upside down V was exactly what I bumped up against. Here, look at this drawing for clarification, which also comes form registerednursern.com.

Take note of differences in pelvic arch location and shape between a male pelvis (left) and female pelvis (right). The male pelvis arch is lower AND far more narrower, meaning, you’re going to hit it while fucking. Especially during missionary style. Photo: registerednursern.com.

“We’re just not at the point where that kind of surgery can produce convincing results,” My client said. “And it’s highly unlikely we’ll be able to create from scratch a faithful replica to what it feels like entering a vagina.”

So it goes…

Photo by Taras Chernus on Unsplash

I remember one day, decades ago, accepting a quite young trans man’s invitation to hook up, before Craigslist kiboshed its personals section. When I arrived at a St.Johns apartment, a beautiful, pierced young person with a full face of stubble welcomed me. When he took off his clothes, he had had not a stitch of surgery. Everything “girl” remained untouched. Beauty rivaling Venus stood before me. Venus with a beard and short hair.

As I feast my young eyes upon them, pang of sorrow accompanied my awe. I knew some day this guy would likely go under the knife, irreparably altering what I experienced as a perfect human specimen.

And yet, beauty IS in each beholder’s eye. What must be done must be.

I’m glad I had this experience with Jane, even though what she has holds no candle to a natural vagina. Not in my opinion anyway. Guys: Whatever you call it, this procedure has a long way to go. Natural vaginas, as yet, have no rivals. If a vagina is what you want, stick to cis-women.

I know my experience is but one data point, with a doctor’s endorsement of sorts. Still, I hope what I experienced was not state of the art. If so, it’s not worth the money in my opinion, and the state of the art is…disappointing.

I’m glad I prefer, and get the opportunity to enjoy, penis-equipped women, who are, like me, happy with what they have. If you like what I like, I assure you there are at least as many women out there who want to keep their penis, as there are numbers of us willing to go to bed with and love out loud penis-equipped women. Go for what you want.

Don’t worry about people condemning your preference. Your preference isn’t theirs so their opinion doesn’t matter. Let no one talk you into compromising. Especially rants from trans women. They don’t know you. They aren’t you. You are you, be that.

And for those girls who feel they must get bottom surgery: you go for what you want too. But please don’t let impatience or economics lead you towards regret. What I’ve found is the doppelgänger turned out to be a poorly-conceived and executed facsimile. My advice for men again: if you want a vagina-equipped woman, the cis-variety is the best bet.

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How To Attract Your Ideal Transgender Woman: Create Her!

Photo by Khara Woods on Unsplash

TL;DR: The author tells how they created an intimate encounter with a beautiful Mexican transgender woman solely through their thoughts and beliefs. Then they encourage everyone to learn how to deliberately create their own dating reality thereby experiencing a life where all they want is theirs.

Recently I jumped on a LGBTQ dating website. Now, if you’ve read this blog before, you know I don’t encourage people use dating websites to find their partners. It’s a waste of money and doesn’t work for most people.

So why was I on one? Because a client was using one I hadn’t been familiar with. I wanted to see what it was like. I wanted to see what it was like so I could relate to his experience.

But it was terrible. I’m not going to go into why it was terrible. Instead, I’m going to pivot right here and share why I’m writing this post. I’m writing this post because of something that happened with me this past week. What happened shows why I don’t encourage clients to use dating websites. Again, they’re terrible, costly and don’t work for most people.

Instead, I encourage people to use their stories to create their love lives. Doing so aligns one with the infinite resources of the Universe. It’s way more fun, completely free and, if one is patient, one can experience the surprising and delightful way in which the Universe fulfills any desire.

This past week that happened to me. And that’s what this post is about.

Let’s dive in.

Ten years in the making

This story will sound unbelievable. But every time the universe makes something happen in the way it does, it seems unbelievable. That’s because most of us don’t believe the Universe is intelligent, conscious and aware. They also don’t believe the Universe listens to and answers/delivers on every want. And, because most don’t believe these things, they don’t see the Universe doing these things all the time.

I see them though. I see them because I believe it. And that’s why I can share this absolutely true story.

The story starts more than 10 years ago. That’s right, it’s a long story. All the ways in which the Universe fulfills our desires usually takes a while. It can actually take only a few days. But we humans introduce things that delay results. Usually we do that through disbelief. Sometimes we do that through beliefs that counter what we want. For example, we may believe we don’t deserve what we want. Or we might believe someone else has what we want, thus blocking us from getting it. There are many stories – beliefs – we tell ourselves that delay, sometimes permanently, what we want.

I’ve soothed many of those stories, which is why what happened happened. The soothing is why it took 10 years.

What happened was an absolutely gorgeous, smart, wonderful, trans woman reached out to me for a bootie call. I’ll call her Selma. Now Selma happened to be a trans woman I interviewed on the The Transamorous Network Podcast. Back then, more than 10 years ago, I thought she was so hot. But I am also an ethical person. So I wasn’t going to come on to a podcast guest. That’s just not me.

What I did do back then though was lightly think about what it would be like to be with her…

The Universe makes it happen

But I didn’t fixate on that. I just figured back then that it was just a nice fantasy to think about…and…maybe jerk off over…

And this is how the Universe delivers our desires. Life experience brings to our awareness situations we like or don’t like. From there, we know what we want. And so does the Universe. The moment we know what we want, the Universe and all its resources goes to work. It begins assembling conditions, people and resources to make that want pop into our lives.

Receiving the full blown version of that desire requires us becoming a match to it. I write every week about how that happens, so I won’t go into it in this post. Today, I’m sharing this amazing story as proof of what being a match looks like, then what happens next.

So every experience we have helps us know what we want. The Universe takes that and instantly makes a version of that desire available. When we become a match to that experience, it becomes our experience. That’s what happened over 10 years with Selma. It wasn’t that it took 10 years for the resources to come together. That happened instantly. But it took 10 years for me to become a match to it.

What took so long? I’ll briefly talk about that next.

The Universe is your artistic co-creator. What are you going to create? (Photo by Khara Woods on Unsplash)

It begins with a bootie call

For one, I was married. That marriage had a lot of stuff happening in it. Second, as I wrote above, my ethics wouldn’t allow it. “Ethics”, of course, are a set of beliefs. Those beliefs ran counter to being a match to “being with Selma”.

Then I got into a whole bunch of other circumstances that had me focused on other things. Things that distracted me belief-wise from Selma.

Recently, however, like in the last two years, Selma came back into my awareness. That return had me begin to turn the corner belief-wise. My marriage was over. Those distractions were largely gone and I cultivated other thoughts which had me become more and more of a match to Selma.

It was no wonder then that this past summer, seemingly out of the blue, Selma reached out for a bootie call. Getting her message was a TOTAL surprise as all “manifestations” usually are. That’s because we usually can’t tell when we’ve become a match to something we want. So when we are, and it happens, it comes as a surprise.

I would have jumped on that bootie call opportunity…if I had seen the text in time. Selma is from Mexico. She’s a beautiful, indigenous, brown-skinned-black-haired-gorgeous-smile bombshell. And, she was heading south of the border for a couple months. By the time I saw her message she had already gone.

I sent her a message assuring her that, had I seen it, I would have invited her over. And I felt a little bummed about this because I really wanted to see her! Knowing what I know, however, about “beliefs create reality”, instead of staying bummed, I imagined her being here, at my apartment, in my bed, us both enjoying ourselves intwined in our arms and legs.

That felt great.

Now’s a great time to introduce some advanced information about how to create reality, especially people. It’s important to understand this, or at least have it in your awareness, dear reader, as we move through this story.

We create everything…and everyone

Each one of us lives in a reality all alone. That’s right. No one else exists in our reality but us. Every thing in our experience is a reflection of our beliefs, our ideas we hold in our heads. Every person we see is an extension, a reflection, of our beliefs too. When it comes to people, those people reflect our thoughts and beliefs about the people we see.

That means we are ongoingly creating versions of people we experience.

Now here’s the cool thing: The people we see are not the same people those people are experiencing. In other words, say we see John the policeman over there. We are creating a version of John the policeman, in our reality, at that moment. But John, over there in his reality, is creating a totally different version of himself than we are. That version of him reflects his thoughts and beliefs about himself, just as our version of him reflects our thoughts and beliefs about the police, people and John, specifically. Yes, this is true even if we think we don’t know “John”.

So you can see there’s a lot of overlapping creating happening. That’s pretty cool that we experience so many creations. But what is really cool is, this means we can create any versions of people we want!

It’s because I know this that I knew I could create a version of Selma that would wind up in bed with me. I knew a match to that creation already existed in Selma’s version of herself: she reached out for a bootie call. So already we were in the vicinity of being a match. All there was for me to do was amplify that match rather than amplify the opposite of that.

And that’s exactly what I did.

Well, not exactly…

Creation confusion

After that missed connection, I tried communicating with her often, but she hardly replied. She, like me, considers herself a free spirit. She doesn’t want to be in a relationship. After reaching out to her from time to time, and getting no reply, I started thinking I was bothering her. Of course, that caused my version of her to ignore my texts even more.

My thought “I’m bothering her” created a version of her that acted bothered: She wouldn’t reply, or she’d be off line every time I looked to see if she responded. I’m sure you can see similar behavior in yourself, dear reader. We think we’re being harmless by constantly checking to see if the person we’re interested in gets our message or replies.

But we’re not being harmless. We’re actually creating a reality. In that reality we’re creating a version of the person we’re interested in that doesn’t respond to us. How? By focusing on the absence of communication from that person!

Now, I found out later that she really did want to come over when she came back from Mexico. She also wondered why I hadn’t reached out to her more. But I didn’t know that when all this was happening. And yes, this again shows how we create different versions of people. Even different versions from the version that very person is creating of themself!

Here Selma was saying she was interested in wanting to get together. But she was waiting on me. And here I was creating a version of her matched to my disempowering belief: that I was bothering her.

None of the above I knew was happening until after we ended up in my bed together. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

Giving it all up

Selma came back to the US in September and I immediately reached out to tell her I was still game for a hook up. She didn’t respond. And I let myself get even more poopy about that.

In time, I soothed that resistance, and, as a result, in a couple weeks, she reached out.

This was on Sept 26. She texted to tell me she’d be in my area and that we could meet. Interestingly, where she was going was about a block or two from where I lived. And she didn’t even know where I lived! I was stoked.

A couple hours later, however, she texted again. Selma said the meeting she was having got cancelled! This time, though, I didn’t have a negative reaction. Instead, I just let it roll off my back. Later, I reached out some more to try to coax her over. That caused her to distance herself even more. And the lack of response had me feel doubtful again about us meeting. That doubt felt increasingly awful.

That’s when I decided I need to use the “you create your reality” approach better. After all, I know this approach. Why the hell was I creating something I didn’t want? Why not, instead, create what I did want? So I did exactly that: I completely forgot about Selma.

Before, I responded to everything she posted on FB. So I stopped doing that. I responded to all her posts on Instagram too. I stopped that also. Even thinking about her was something I quit doing. I put her completely out of my mind, which, of course, soothed resistance I was building up, inherent in the intention of “trying to get her in my bed”, which was really creating the outcome “she’s not in my bed”.

I’ll explain why next.

Not thinking about it is key

I say this a lot to clients and also include it in a lot in my writings. You can’t think about the absence of something and create the presence of it. In other words, we must think about having what we want, not not having it. This is something easily confused. Many think they’re thinking the former instead of the latter.

If I’m thinking “I so want Selma in my bed” I’m focused on her NOT being in my bed, which is what I’m actually creating. And that is what I’m going to get. That’s because the Universe isn’t listening to the words we’re thinking or saying. Instead, it’s listening to our vibration: what we’re focused on. And if we’re feeling yearning or strong desire for something, we’re not focused on having that thing. We’re focused on the absence of it.

To get this point across, I often ask clients what it feels like to have something they currently have. Usually they answer by saying something like “I don’t think about it” or “I feel really glad I have it”. Well, that’s what it feels like to manifest what we want. It must feel like we have it, meaning we don’t think about it, or we feel glad we have it. If we’re feeling yearning, or hoping or needing, we’re not focused on having it. Nor do we feel glad.

So while thinking “I want her to come over” I’m focusing on “she’s not here”. And that’s what I was getting: a version of Selma that wasn’t showing up. That’s the momentum I wanted to soothe. And that’s why I stopped thinking about her.

It all comes together

The last contact I had from her was Sept 26. Three weeks later, at 1 p.m. Selma texted: “What are you up to today?”.

Now I would say that came out of the blue, but I KNEW THIS WAS THE MANIFESTATION I WAS WANTING. I told her I was completely open. But I didn’t get all excited about it. I remained indifferent in my focus. I held the feeling of having what I wanted, which is, not thinking about it. Then, at 4 p.m., she texted again. She was headed over!

The next few things that happened proved this was divine orchestration.

I really wanted to go get groceries. So I told her that’s what I was going to do and left. I don’t have a car, so it takes a while to run such an errand. There was a chance she would get to my apartment early, not wait, and bail. But I didn’t entertain any of that kind of thought. I just knew everything would work out. 

I walked to the grocery (it’s about 1.5 miles away), then, coming home, I see Selma driving around the corner!  Perfect timing I thought!

She looked radiant of course. Selma sees me and gives me that beautiful smile of hers. Then she tells me she can’t find a street side parking spot. I told her She looked amazing and pointed out how perfect it was that she arrived exactly when I got back to my apartment. Selma agreed.

I told her to drive around the block and that I’d see her in front of my building. When I walked around to my building, right in front of the building entrance, was a guy pulling out of a spot. Rock Star Parking! I texted Selma to let her know and, of course, she got that parking space.

Selma got out, we hugged and went upstairs….and after a lovely conversation of an hour or more, we ended up right where I visualized us: in my bed, intwined in our arms and legs!

You create your reality

What happened here? What happened was a beautiful orchestration. An orchestration the Universe performed on my behalf. It was an orchestration I kicked off by expressing my desire, then tuning myself so that I became a match to it.

I’m telling you there’s nothing better than seeing the Universe doing this for me over and over again. It delivers everything I want with no effort on my part other than thinking in a particular way.

Now, I’m no special snowflake. Everyone has this ability. Everyone, you included, can create any reality they want. They can also create any version of any person they want. All it takes is getting one’s stories right on the subject of that person.

Well, that’s not all it takes. It also takes belief. And that’s where most people fail. If you don’t believe any of this is possible, if you think this story was just a bunch of coincidence, “circular logic” or “wishful thinking” then those beliefs put the kibosh on your ability to create your reality.

You still create your reality. You just don’t do it deliberately. So you get some of what you want and some of what you don’t. I prefer a life where everything I want comes to me easily.

Why not create your version of that life?

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Dangerous Nonsense, Or Something Powerful That Works?

Photo by Matt Artz on Unsplash

TL;DR: The author recounts their spiritual journey as an explanation for why they know what they know is an accurate description of how the Universe works, while comparing their experience to the lack of experience of their critics.

Last week’s post struck a nerve among my trans readers, causing some people to block me. Others claimed I was dangerous, “a moron” and more. That’s interesting.

It’s interesting because none of these people have any experience with what I know.

One trans person wrote me a while ago. She had some solo experience with this “you create your reality” business. She even produced evidence proving it worked for her. But because she didn’t have a tutor who knew what they were doing, she missed the evidence and thus concluded the “business” doesn’t work.

At least she tried.

Everyone else, especially those who got triggered by my last post, have no idea what they’re talking about when they lambast what I know. They’re literally sharing ignorant views.

In this post, I’m going to lay out how I know what I know, how it came to be and why I’m so sure what I know is accurate.

Unless someone has done what I’ve done, they are coming at understanding the nature of the Universe fully uninformed. After reading this you’ll understand why I can say that with such certainty. And why I know, absolutely, that what I know is accurate.

Where to begin

I could start with how I came into the world. But that would make this post too long. Suffice it to say I knew something about what was happening here well before my birth. It wasn’t until after a stint in Christianity, a decade as a Buddhist scholar, and four years as an esoteric martial artist that I really came into my own. It’s at that point I’d like to begin my explanation. That’s when things really got undeniably clear something was happening that was not of this world.

All my life I dabbled in books about this “you create your reality” business. So something obviously resonated in me about this knowledge, something beyond the major religions. Two authors stood out. Eckart Tolle and a woman named Esther Hicks. Again, many others came before these two, but these two really got the ball rolling.

In one of his books, Tolle expresses a skeptic’s view of his teachings. He takes on the role of a doubter asking “what evidence do you have that this is all real?” In reply he says “you want evidence? Be the evidence you want to see.”

I took that answer to heart.

After all, I already had a feeling that physical reality was 100 percent subjective. I also knew at the time that science wasn’t telling the whole story (now I know it can’t possibly do that and for very good reasons). So I decided I would take Tolle’s advice and become the evidence I wanted to see.

It’s too bad more of my trans readers won’t take that advice. If they did, they’d find themselves far less abrasive about what they know so little about.

It started not-good-seeming

I, on the other hand, dove in. I upped my meditation game and started thinking more positive thoughts. Taking Tolle’s advice further, I focused more and more “in the now” and left the future and the past alone. My life did start improving. But not by much. Not at first.

Little did I know then, a person first starting out must clear away negative momentum born of negative beliefs before they can enjoy really obvious evidence things are turning. I should add that that clearing away process IS evidence. But most of my clients have a hard time seeing that as positive. That’s because that clearing can feel awful.

That was my experience too. I created a lot of negative manifestations, including quitting my job out of fear and losing my home. But looking back, I’m glad I traded all that for the life I’m living now. Letting those things go was more than worth it.

In my “clearing away negative momentum” stage, however, I inadvertently added more negative momentum to my path. A lot more. I chose to become an entrepreneur. That had me confronting even more negative beliefs. I blew through all my savings, and then added even more negative momentum by creating a company with the intention of “ending capitalism”.

And while that had a positive ring to it, it wasn’t aligned with my Broader Perspective knowledge about what’s happening on this planet. The more I focused on that business, the more crazy/interesting things happened. And it was right about this time that I encountered Esther Hicks.

When the student is ready…

Back then the idea that people could “channel” spirits, filled me with skepticism. But my Broader Perspective wasn’t going to let that keep me off this path. So when I took a business trip to Chico California to promote my business idea, I met a man. He was so impressed with what I was doing that he gifted me Esther’s book “Ask and It is Given”.

I knew about Law of Attraction back then, but thought it a little too woo for me. Still, I accepted the gift and when I read it, it resonated strongly. I guess I was ready for its contents.

So much so, I plunged headlong into it. It was through that book that I got introduced to Seth. That took me on a long detour. Seth’s material really resonated with me. Especially the analytical, detail-oriented part of me. I ended up reading every book Seth and their channeler, Jane Roberts wrote. The more I read, the more educated I got. And the more intrigued I got. When Seth said “you create your reality” I wanted to know how and how I could do it deliberately.

I’ve written this over and over too: When a person hears that they create their reality, if they’re not in a good place, then what they’ll hear is that phrase blaming them or making them at fault for their life. They won’t hear the empowering message contained in that phrase. IT’S AN EMPOWERING MESSAGE.

But if a person has lived a mediocre, unsatisfying or victimized life, one born of their distorted beliefs, all they’ll hear is “I’m being blamed for something I can’t control.” Little do they know it’s that belief that is the basis of the reality they’re experiencing.

My experience was different. I guess I was ready.

Drawn to the work

When I read “you create your reality”, that filled me with curiosity. That curiosity had me read every Seth book. Seth focuses on dreams, detailed explanations of the totality of All That Is, how All That Is happens and our role in all that. It’s extremely dense reading. He also focuses a lot on extreme detail of how things go from vibration to physical reality. Again, it’s heady stuff. And the fact that it’s coming from a disembodied, nonphysical being, adds more hard-to-believe-ness to it.

But Seth subtly includes instruction in his writings the reader can put to use to prove what they’re reading. When they do, the proof is near immediate. The reader must know where to look to see the proof, however. If they don’t know where to look, they’ll miss it. And Seth doesn’t say where to look.

I think that’s because of the collective unfolding represented by the continuity of information Seth and Abraham offer. Seth lays out the practical nuts and bolts, but Abraham offers broad strokes as to how those nuts and bolts assemble in to a cohesive process, culminating in direct instructions for how to deliberately create reality. Abraham’s messages are more pedestrian where Seth’s could be described as “academic”, or even “scholarly”.

A portion of my complete Seth Library

It’s no wonder I was drawn to Seth’s work first. And Seth’s work prepared me deeply to integrate what I was about to discover with Abraham’s assistance.

By the way, this is why it’s crucial explorers of this material explore with help from someone who knows what they’re doing. Not only is it hard to see evidence in the beginning, it’s really easy to get off track by coming to distorted conclusions, or having strong reactions to the teachings.

Seth: My first teacher

For example, the material offers explanations for how we each exist in our own separate reality, apart from every other being. But reality looks like that’s not true. The material also asserts that we invite every experience into our lives, including those humans might describe as tragic, even horrifying.

Reading such assertions can and usually does have people react with revulsion. Many of my clients are examples. They ask “if this is true, how can a baby invite experiencing being sexually molested? How do people create experiences where they die horrible deaths, end up homeless or addicted to drugs?”

It’s beyond the scope of this post for me to answer those questions. Suffice it to say those questions are easily answered. But as Abraham says many times “words don’t teach. Life experience teaches.” What they mean is as one moves down the path of self-discovery, their life will provide these answers in undeniable terms, not in words, but in experiences the discoverer can’t deny. And when that happens, those experiences are deeply convincing. So convincing they are, the discoverer becomes convinced. They know. Like I do.

Abraham making it plain.

Reading all of Seth’s material filled me with wonder, but it also stoked a fire within me. A lot of this I already knew. It was as though I was remembering what I forgot when I chose to come into physical reality. A powerful education was taking place. I was the student and Seth was my teacher.

And that education brought me right back to Esther and her book Ask and It is Given.

Getting ready again

But again, I faced skepticism. I wanted to believe what Esther, and Abraham, the being speaking through Esther, claimed in the book. But at the time I had a hard time getting over my resistant belief that “channeling” was fake.

Unlike many readers who spout their uninformed opinion when they read what I assert, I decided I was going to get evidence proving “channeling” was fake, or that it was real. This was part of me “being the evidence I wanted to see”.

I get most people may be too busy to take time to do what I did, but I put a high priority on all this. That’s because I knew if this stuff was true, it would mean a radically different life was available to me and I wanted that. I was open to it being real, but I also was skeptical, even as I signed up for my first Abraham seminar in San Diego, Calif.

My approach to becoming the evidence was very serious and deliberate. I wanted to give it my all, which is what I encourage clients do too. I flew to San Diego and stayed in a quiet place where I could focus. There, a day before the event, I calmed myself. I also focused on three things I wanted to know, three things I figured only Infinite Intelligence would know. Abraham refers to themselves as Infinite Intelligence. Since I was going to meet Infinite Intelligence, I probably should have some profound questions…

My first direct with Infinite Intelligence contact begins

An Abraham seminar typically happens in a large hotel meeting room. They also happen aboard cruise ships. The events are packed with rows of chairs and usually accommodate 1500 people or more. These events are always packed with no chair left empty.

Abraham seminar auditorium from the July 20, 2024 event. This is only one half of the room.

That first Abraham seminar was more than 10 years ago. I woke very early the morning of and meditated for an hour. I wanted to be in a strong vibrational focus so I could present the best possible evidence to myself.

At the event, I sat in the front row. I wanted a good view of what happened so I could see it all. As people filed in and took their seats, I didn’t notice anything special. No mystical buzzing filled the room. Only people who were excited to be there. Some even knew each other. Obviously, some of these people had been to previous events and some even traveled around groupie-style from event to event.

Honestly, I was a bit put off by all the positive energy, which I think a lot of people would be. It was very New Age feeling.

But what happened over the next four hours turned that “put off” feeling into being totally “turned on”.

The Hot Seat

During an Abraham seminar, Esther first comes onto the stage. She greets attendees from the stage and offers preliminary information about how the day will go. Event’s are typically three hours with a break or two in the middle somewhere. After that, Esther calms herself and allows Abraham to take her over, so to speak. She recedes into the background of her consciousness and Abraham moves into the foreground.

Abraham and Esther have a strong connection. It’s highly likely Abraham is part of Esther’s Broader Perspective. What I discovered through what happened over the next several years is that Abraham is part of my Broader Perspective too. But I’m getting ahead of myself…

So this seminar got under way and part way through the first half, I noticed something strange. Once it commences, Abraham looks out into the crowd and selects individuals. Those individuals come on stage and sit in what’s called the Hot Seat. It’s a chair on stage equipped with a microphone. There the person can ask Abraham anything they’d like. Abraham answers the question while also using it as a jumping off point to offer other information. Information pertinent to others in the room.

People therefore raise their hands in hopes of getting called to the Hot Seat. Of course, there’s only so many people that can sit in the Hot Seat in a three-hour period. Abraham can’t call everyone up. What I observed therefore, was even more strange.

It happened

What I observed was, each person who followed the person before them asked questions that were perfect segues from what the person before asked. I can’t recall examples, this was over a decade ago. Back then, however, I sat in amazement in that first hour. After the break, the second hour went the same. And, the people chosen in the first hour had obviously been in the Hot Seat before. Several of them mentioned it being their second and third time being called across many events.

The neat way in which Abraham called people to the state, with each person’s questions perfectly dovetailing with the previous person’s, pushed my “bullshit” button. Something was up, I thought. Now mind you, I wanted to get on stage too. So while my BS meter had gone off, the pattern seemed to heighten my desire to get on stage. But something happened in me that had me doubt being able to get up there.

Logic told me the only way this dovetailing thing could happen was if Esther had planted or preselected people invited to the stage. That’s the only thing that could explain it, at least to me. The more I watched as the day unfolded, the more skeptical I got. And the more doubtful I got that Abraham would call me. But my desire to get on stage must have overwhelmed my skepticism. And what was to unfold that is my life now crucially depended on what happened next. I know Abraham knew this. Because what happened next was a total surprise.

Abraham asked what was next. Time was running out in the seminar. I raised my hand and Abraham said, “come on up” while pointing directly at me.

Reservation for my first Abraham event in San Diego.

It begins, and begins again, and again

Abraham called me as the last person. My questions were so profound, and so personal, I understood immediately why they called me last. My questions were the perfect conclusion to the entire day.

But them calling me last also showed me my logical conclusions were all wrong. After all, there’s no way I was a plant. I didn’t even know Esther and she or a member of her team didn’t approach me. I got no pre-event questionnaire to give my questions ahead of time. No one knew what I was going to ask but me….and Abraham apparently.

Sitting in the Hot Seat, my skepticism vanished. The experience also blew away my logical conclusions. Something more was afoot here. Something deeper. I got my questions answered in the perfect way. And I left the seminar astounded.

That was just the beginning.

Over the next four years I attended one seminar each year. In the next, seminar, held in Portland where I live, Abraham called me somewhere in the middle of the day. In the following seminar, again in Portland, they called me again, this time closer to the beginning of the event. The same thing happened in the third seminar I attended. During a break, an old friend I recognized came up to me.

She asked “do you always get in the Hot Seat?”

“Apparently so,” I shrugged. I was as surprised as she was.

Each time my confidence in their teachings grew. I started listening to everything I could from them on YouTube. Their messages generally, and their personal messages to me specifically, resonated so strongly with everything I already knew, particularly from Seth.

It all affected me profoundly.

Me in the Hot Seat.

Doubling down

So much so in between these seminars I totally changed the way I lived. I had become the evidence I wanted to see by challenging myself to become that evidence. I wanted evidence and I got it. Got smacked in the kisser with it. And the more I tried living by what Abraham suggested, while also putting Seth’s guidance to practice, the better my life got and the more evidence I got.

I doubled down then on what I knew and what I was learning. I became an “Abra-hamster” as people who follow Abraham call themselves. For me, Abraham and Seth represented the pinnacle of knowledge about how the Universe works. Their collective explanations were without peer in my opinion. Again, I didn’t just accept what they said and wrote. I put it into practice. And when I did, what they said would happen happened.

Little did I know that as I doubled down Abraham and Seth were clearly paying attention to my commitment. They were pulling something together they knew would be the perfect response to my commitment, an unfolding that would solidify my knowing and complete my understanding of how the Universe works, who and what I am, and how to communicate that to others.

That which they were orchestrating started with the next Abraham seminar I attended. Nothing like it had ever happened before, according to Esther and Abraham. Never in the history of the work Esther does with Abraham had this kind of thing happened, they told me. And it happened because of what I was doing….or rather what I was being: eager to align with all that I am.

I meet my lineage and expand into my knowing

The next seminar I attended happened again in Portland. It began as they usually do, with Esther coming onto the stage and getting the event started. However, this time, when Abraham came forward, they didn’t start the event as they usually do.

Usually, they’ll speak for the first 20 minutes about some things to warm the audience up. They’ll then look out into the crowd, say something funny like, “You’re all here ready for trouble”, then pick someone to come to the Hot Seat.

This time, they didn’t do that.

They came forward through Esther and spent perhaps half the usual time prepping. While doing so, they kept looking directly at me again and again. At the first break, people I know in the audience came up to me. They noticed too that Abraham kept looking directly at me. So I wasn’t hallucinating or anything like that. The moment they finished their shortened introduction, Abraham said “Let’s begin here” and while saying that pointed straight at me.

I took my place in the Hot Seat. Typically individual Hot Seat experiences range from 10 to about 15 minutes. But this time, I sat there, the first one called, for a full 30 minutes! Again, this had never happened before. When I returned to my seat in the audience I was floating in my body. I thought back through all the seminars, all the reading I had done, the wondrous experiences I had had across all these years and knew this was a special moment.

But Abraham had just gotten started.

It gets way better

At the end of every seminar, Abraham has some closing words. Then, they recede into Esther and Esther returns to the foreground of her consciousness. She’s always ecstatic in response to the time spent in the seminar, expresses how much she loves everyone, says goodbye and heads off stage, off the side of the stage and through the background curtains.

That’s not what happened this time. This time, she said her goodbyes and instead of leaving through the background curtains, Esther, stepped down the front stairs of the stage, walked over to where I stood and ripped my name tag off my shirt. She put her hand on the back of my head and pulled my ear to her mouth. There she told me something I will not share. But suffice it to say it was ASTOUNDING.

A few days later, I got a call. It was Esther. She invited me to a personal 1:1 conversation with Abraham, which began over text message and moved to a phone call. Then, over the next 10 weeks, me, Esther and Abraham enjoyed personal sessions where I could ask anything I wanted. Abraham also taught me everything they could about how the Universe works, humanity’s role in all that, my role in all that, and about my lineage, which includes Abraham and Seth.

They then laid out how my life would go from there if I follow through with the commitment I made to myself, which, ultimately was something, according to them, I had committed to before I came into a physical body. They gave me all of this at no cost.

Recordings making up my library of 1:1 sessions with Abraham and Esther.

My direct experience

Nearly everything they told me in those 10 weeks has happened. Some things haven’t yet, but definite signs of their emergence are there. Everything can’t have happened already, because my life is still ongoing. But so much has already happened, I know the others things will too.

And this is why I know what I know, I say and write what I say and write and how I know what I say and write is 100 percent accurate. I consider Seth and Abraham not only my lineage, but part of my Broader Perspective, that part of me that continues guiding and assisting me in this life and the other lives I live as part of All That Is.

So when people call me a moron, or think I offer “dangerous nonsense”, I know they don’t know anything about what they’re talking about. When they say this stuff is pseudoscience I know they have done nothing to become the evidence.

This is why too when I ask such people “What have you done to prove it is, for example, dangerous nonsense, and under whose tutelage did you try to prove it?” I get crickets in return. Because such people are talking with no direct experience with All That Is or with Infinite Intelligence.

I have direct experience with both. And my life and my clients’ lives are unfolding accordingly. In other words, our lives are all improving. Because what I describe in my writings is exactly how the Universe works.

This explains why I say people claiming it’s dangerous nonsense, or that it’s gibberish or gobbledygook, literally have no idea what they’re talking about. Because they literally don’t.

But I do.

Posted on

How Trans and Trans-Attracted People Helped Trump Win

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

TL;DR: Many in the LGBTQ community, including some transgender and trans-attracted people, are panicking over the 2024 election outcome. In this story, the author shows how such people helped Trump win the presidency. Then they show what transgender and trans-attracted people can do next to benefit from what happened on Nov. 5.

I’m pretty thrilled with what happened last Tuesday. Although I must admit, I didn’t feel that way last Wednesday. That’s because my Broader Perspective assured me one candidate would prevail over the other.

That’s not what happened. Trump handily won. And it may be that the Senate and the House will fall to GOP majorities too. At the time of this writing, that’s unclear.

What is clear though is half of America is thrilled. The other half is flip-flopping through rage, depression, disbelief, terror and more. Included in the second half, I’m sure, are many, many trans and trans-attracted people, and many other LGBTQ people.

I didn’t vote for Trump. And I’m queer/transamorous. But I’m glad he’s going to be president. Not for reasons you may think though, dear reader.

In this post, I’ll lay out why I’m thrilled instead of terror-struck about the election results and why you should/could be as well.

Let’s get to it!

A brilliant manifester

Those who haven’t regularly read my blogs will struggle with what they’re about to read. I invite comments and questions, just try to keep them civil, please.

Those who have regularly read my blogs will find this post consistent with everything else I write. In fact, earlier this year, I wrote about Trump and his seeming amazing ability to thwart what some might call justice. I praised his ability as a manifester too.

There’s no two ways about it: Trump is a brilliant manifester. He focuses on what he wants and he doesn’t care about things like facts, the truth or what others think about him. As a result of his pure focus, he usually gets what he wants.

Discovering Trump’s recent massive increase in his personal fortune, thanks largely to Truth Social, astounded me for example. All those silly things he sold to his followers — coins, custom Bibles, shoes — are evident of his powerful manifestation momentum. Especially when it comes to money. But Truth Social really took the cake. Until the 2024 election.

Now, I don’t agree with anything he is about. And yet, I must admire his ability to focus. His ability to focus on what he wants…and manifest it is exemplary.

Willing participants

Not so much with some transgender and trans-attracted people and other LGBTQ community members. We all are points of consciousness, existing in a vibrational reality of All That Is. Our thoughts determine what we create as our life experience. That includes politics. There’s no evidence disputing this.

So when a person focuses on something they want and they don’t resist it they will realize that thing in their lives at some point. Again, resistance is key. If they focus a little on what they want, and a lot on what they don’t, that conflicting focus slows down and can even prevent them getting what they want. Indeed, that conflicting focus can actually produce exactly what they don’t want.

And that’s exactly what nearly every progressive person was doing, including myself, leading up to Nov. 5. That includes many transgender and trans-attracted people and, I’m sure, other LGBTQ people too. Yes, I wanted Harris to win. But was my focus purely on that outcome? Nope. I dabbled in resisting Trump. And doing so, I added momentum to all the others wanting him to win, including Trump himself. That’s right, every progressive focusing intently on what Trump was doing vibrationally aligned themselves with the GOP, Trump and MAGA.

And that’s why Trump prevailed in the election. All those progressive points of consciousness became cooperative components of Trump’s desire to win. So he did.

How it really works

So when I say everyone got what they wanted, that’s what happened. By “got what they wanted” I mean, they got what they mainly focused on. This is an important aspect of this “you create your reality” business. We don’t get what we say we want. We don’t even get what we think we want. What we get is the physical match to the dominant vibration we’re emanating. And we emanate through our focus.

When we focus on something we don’t want, if we keep doing that, that’s what’s going to manifest. Life experience is a reflection. It constantly reflects back to us what we’re emanating. Having our focus become visible in this way, life experience helps us understand what we’re emanating, even if we can’t feel the vibration.

This explains why it’s important to not focus on the now so much, especially when it contains what we don’t want. Because when we do that, we are focusing our emanate-or on the reflection of past focus or vibration. Doing that, we create again what we’ve already created in our reflection. That’s how “reality” persists; many points of consciousness are focused on what is, thereby perpetuating it.

To get what we want, we look at our reflection – what we’re emanating – and if what we see is not what we want to create next, then we shift our focus or emanation.

Most of us don’t know that, so when something shows up that we don’t want, we keep focusing on that. We complain about it, or push against it. We tell our friends about it and commiserate. And in doing that we create more of that.

That’s how we all helped Trump win. And yet, there’s a really good outcome inherent in getting what we don’t want. Let’s look at that next.

Setting up the prerequisite

Anyone can use physical reality to figure out what they’re creating. Indeed, that’s what it’s for. However, people can develop sensitivity sufficient to perceive how they’re vibrating too. They also can listen to thoughts they think on the regular. Thoughts are more-manifested vibration, after all. So if our sensitivity to vibration isn’t very keen, we can pay attention to our thinking. If that’s too much work, we can simply observe what shows up in our lives.

Nearly everyone not in a practice such as the one I show clients how to use has insufficient sensitivity to perceive their vibratory emanations. Many trans and trans-attracted people don’t bother thinking about how they’re thinking. They think thinking is just an automatic process. Not something creating their future.

So for all those people, it’s easiest to use their reality to tune to what they want. But some don’t even do that! It’s all good though: since we’re all eternal, we have all the time in the world to learn how to create what we want.

Many trans and trans-attracted people fear their physical reality. They think, for example, that now that Trump is president, they must flee the country. Or, those outside the US must fear the US. That’s flawed thinking because it’s based on a premise that will bite such people in the butt if they don’t realize it’s a flaw. We’ll get to the good outcome I alluded to above. Let’s first look at this flawed premise as a prerequisite. It’s important.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Beliefs create lack of control

I’ve shared this over and over: each of us exists in our own, individually-created reality. People in our reality are there as reflections. They reflect what we are thinking about the people they represent: strangers, letter carriers, loved ones, family members, coworkers, etc. So no one shares their reality with another. The practice I share makes this absolutely clear by pointing practitioners to evidence proving this the case. If you don’t believe this, then just assume it’s true for now.

Since we’re all in our own reality, and since we’re each the creator of that reality, nothing and no one can create something for us. Only we can. But if we think/believe that someone or something can create our reality, then our reality will reflect that back to us.

How? In the form of a reality seemingly being created by others.

It will also include events seeming to randomly happen, usually against our will. Again, it’s not that someone else is creating it or that what’s happening is random or accidental. We’re creating that experience from the belief (the vibration emanation) that draws that experience to us.

Many beliefs can do that. Here are examples and all them are fairly common in human consciousness:

  • Life is an accident of random processes
  • God is real and his will supersedes mine
  • Accidents happen
  • Bad luck happens
  • Good luck happens
  • Bad things happen to good people
  • Life is dangerous
  • Life is random
  • We never know when our time is up
  • Transphobes are a threat to my life
  • If my co-workers find out I’m trans-attracted, I’ll lose my job

Many more similar beliefs exist. But these should give us an idea of what beliefs create realities wherein it looks like others shape our experience.

Where reality comes from

The problem with such beliefs doesn’t end with the fact that they create realities that look like others can control what happens in our experience. Such beliefs, if believed, means that the person holding them must contend with such a reality!

So if we believe the world is going to hell because Trump is now president, we must leave the country, or even the world, if possible, because that belief will create experience consistent with it. I wouldn’t tell someone contemplating moving to Canada to stay in the US, for example. If they believe staying in the US is dangerous, they will perceive evidence proving this true. And eventually, they will attract to themselves experiences confirming the perceived danger.

But here’s the thing: another person, with the exact same conditions minus the belief about Trump will not see that evidence. And if they believe their reality springs from their empowering beliefs, it doesn’t matter that Trump is president. Because the president has no ability to force conditions to play out in our lives. Nor does anyone else. Unless we believe they do.

Focus creates reality. Thoughts create reality. Beliefs create reality. All three of these are the only Source of reality as it exists for each person. It’s important then, to cultivate beliefs consistent with the reality one wants.

But even if we don’t, the Universe and All That Is will help us do so. How? Well, now it’s time to visit that good outcome I mentioned above.

It’s a matter of choice

A hallmark of the practice I share describes the instantaneous creation of our ongoing reality experience. Part of that process includes our physical reality as a reflector. Here’s how that works. Here’s also how Trump winning the election is a good thing, especially for transgender and trans-attracted people.

Since our reality is a reflection, whether we’re conscious of it or not, we immediately know two things in the moment we experience the reflection: we know what we don’t want and we know what we do want.

In the case of “negative” reflections, the “not wanted” is front and center. Our emotions, thoughts and even our bodies sometimes reflect the “unwanted” aspect of an unpleasant experience. For nearly all progressives, Nov. 6 was an “unwanted” reality.

MAGA won with the help of progressives and trans and trans-attracted people.

But in that same instant, progressives also knew what they wanted. No, they didn’t want Tump to not be president. That’s still a focus on Trump, which leads to him being president.

Some progressives wanted freedom to be. Some wanted empowerment in their lives or the lives of people they know. Others wanted a country that, in their mind, cares for others. Many wanted all these things and more.

And in that moment of realization, in knowing what they wanted and what they didn’t want, they had a choice — a crucial choice. They could focus on what they wanted. Or they could focus on what they didn’t want.

I would bet nearly every single progressive in America focused, on Nov 6, on what they didn’t want. And they did that with very strong emotional intent. That’s a problem.

It must be

It’s a problem because all those progressives, while not knowing it, amplified Tump becoming president by focusing on that not-wanted situation and through their focus and emotions added more momentum to what they already focused into existence on Nov 5. It’s exactly what I described above about looking at what is and thereby creating more of that.

But some progressives (myself included) did something different. We expressed curiosity about what happened instead of fear or insecurity. We wondered how this happened. Then, getting an answer (what you’re reading here, dear reader) we decided to focus on what we want. In that focus, held no matter the evidence of the current reflection, we felt better. And in that better-feeling place, we emanate a more positive vibration.

That positive vibration must create a reflection in our lives consistent with that emanation. And it doesn’t matter that Trump won. But any progressives, including trans, trans-attracted and LGBTQ people, who try to do this, but also who believe Trump’s victory does matter, have the same problem progressives focusing on what they do not wanted have: they’re creating a reality for themselves that includes Trump controlling their life experience.

So the good news is, out of a negative experience, we know what we want and what we don’t. Line up with what we want and we will eventually get what we are lined up with. This is how the Universe works, so it MUST BE.

More and more GOP

A lot of progressives worry about other people. They worry about the poor. Some worry about LGBTQ people or other “disadvantaged” people such as BiPOC folks. The problem with that worry is, it doesn’t help.

If everything you just read is accurate (and it is) then those beliefs about those people create a reality for those believers in which those people are disadvantaged. If progressives really want to help others, their best bet is think the most empowering, positive and loving thoughts they can about everyone. Including their enemies (the GOP).

Because the hate or fear or worry progressives hold does nothing but disadvantage the very progressives holding such views. That holds doubly true for hate. Hating conservatives or transphobes doesn’t make them go away. Have you noticed? They haven’t gone anywhere. Indeed, we could say the conservative/transphobe movement has grown, become meaner and more effective. Thanks progressives!

Maybe it’s time we progressives take a different approach. One that nearly every spiritual leader suggests: love your enemies as yourself. I know that the more progressives who do that, the more those progressives’ lives will improve. My life shows that!

But those progressives can’t do anything to help another progressive’s life improve. Remember, we all create our own reality. Each progressive must do it for themselves. And many aren’t ready to do that.

No worry. We’re all eternal. And the world will keep reflecting back to such people a progressively awful life, until they surrender to the only power they have: the power of their Broader Perspective. And when they do, they’ll find everything they want is there.

No matter who is in the White House.

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What the best relationship looks and feels like

Photo by Lesly Juarez on Unsplash

TL;DR: The author argues for trans and trans-attracted people being selfish as the way to create a happy life for themselves. They share a client’s experience in creating happiness to illustrate and support his argument.

Trans women and trans-attracted men: Let’s talk about relationships. There’s a lot to talk about here. Mainly because most of us feel relationships are one of the most, if not the most, important things. After all, we are told, we need relationships to be happy. Everything we do, need and want, it seems, comes through relationships. It is relationships with others that create community. It’s relationships through which we – supposedly – find love. Such relationships also create safety, belonging and a whole lot more.

And, if we’re honest with ourselves, relationships also offer the worst in humanity. Relationships with others are the framework through which some of humanity’s worst traits surface. Greed, conflict, psychopathy and violence all would be meaningless were it not for relationships.

So relationships aren’t all rainbows and butterflies, as the saying goes. We all know this. Just ask Israelis and the Palestinians…relationships can suck. And yet, a lot about what we seem to be – human – seems to compel us toward relationships. Especially relationships with other humans.

There’s a far more satisfying, powerful relationship, however, one through which everything we want comes. It’s so all-encompassing, we literally can’t survive without it. And when we prioritize that relationship above all else, we can live our wildest dreams.

That relationship is what I’m writing about today.

Let’s dive in.

Over all else

The relationship I’m referring to has nothing to do with a god, especially the Christian god or Jesus. But this relationship does tap into the power Christians ascribe to their god.

The trouble with this relationship, however, is it’s as plain as the nose on our faces, and yet, we invariably prioritize other relationships ahead of it. And that out-of-whack prioritization creates all the troubles we have in other relationships. That’s because that which we could enjoy a relationship with wants our undivided attention. When we give it that attention, undivided, everything else in life flows easily.

What relationship could I possibly be referring to?

The relationship with ourselves.

That’s right, there’s no better, more satisfying, more powerful relationship than the relationship with ourselves. The reason why is because everything we see “out there” in the world springs from this relationship. So when we get this relationship where it should be – as our number one priority – then everything “out there” falls in line.

It doesn’t happen in an instant. That would be magic and magic isn’t a thing. But when a person prioritizes themselves over all else, then gradually, all else reflects the improvement inherent with prioritizing a relationship with themselves over all else!

Selfishness: a virtue

That seems like circular logic, but, as I’ve written before, the Universe and All That Is functions on circular logic. All That Is exists to joyfully know itself. The paradox of that is, the more it seeks to know itself, the more of itself it creates. This process makes All That Is – and you and me – eternal. So the more All That Is seeks to know itself, it creates more of itself to know. That’s the glorious circular process often described in ancient teachings.

Now, some might argue that prioritizing one’s self over others leads to selfishness. I completely agree. But I know selfishness is not bad. In fact, it’s the best way to be. Because when one lives that way, they discover everything else, including other people, are able to take care of themselves, leaving the person free to be, enjoy and lavish their life.

Indeed, when we put ourselves first in all things, our life also improves. We stop trying to change things over which we have no control. Letting go of such tasks feels better and better. And when we feel better, the world around us reflects that better mood back to us. It reflects it in ever-improving life experiences.

So, really, we have control of all of our experience. How? Because experience reflects back to us our inner state. And when we prioritize our inner state – our relationship with ourselves – then our life experiences reflect that improved inner state.

We also feel love and other higher emotions more. That’s because when we seek to know ourselves, which is aligned with what the Universe always does, we can’t help but feel the eternal joy that is Universal consciousness.

Put it to the test

That previous section may sound like a bunch of “New Age” hooey. Especially to cynical, jaded trans women. But it’s 100 percent accurate. I can write forever about how powerful what you’re reading is. But nothing compares to evidence produced by your lived experience.

So if you’re having trouble believing this stuff, I suggest you prove to yourself how accurate it is.

So how do we prioritize the relationship with ourselves? It doesn’t seem easy when the entire outside world encourages prioritizing others over ourselves. So it takes practice. It helps to know that a “self” exists in us worthy of our undivided attention. That “self” is the “god in human form” I write about in my other blog. Discovering its existence is easy.

The best way to do that is by testing Positively Focused premises, which are summed up in the phrase “you create your reality through the stories you tell”. As a person tests these premises, they create, or manifest, experiences – people and things – that come in surprising, seemingly coincidental ways.

And when so many of such manifestations happen over and over, the person must acknowledge something other than “coincidence” is at work. That acknowledgement is just like acknowledging there is a self worthy of having a relationship with. Paradoxically, the person testing these premises, once they start seeing things happen, will want more things to happen. As more happens, they also get more bold: they want bigger things to happen.

As their desires grow in scale or magnitude, their trust grows. Their trust in themselves and in this self they are building a relationship with.

Betrayal births bitterness

Growing that relationship brings a necessary letting go of beliefs keeping us all prioritizing others over ourselves. As we let go of them, we might have to face hard-seeming choices. Often it means disregarding what others think of us. Sometimes that looks like cutting off certain people, including family members.

For example, a client recently faced having to cut off her daughter. Her daughter, the epitome of a hellion, raked the client over all kinds of emotional coals throughout their 20-year relationship. Yet, the client believed she had to be there for her daughter, despite the poor treatment, because that’s “what parents should do”.

Little did she know she created the belief “that’s what parents should do” after her parents did something the client considered unconscionable.

Throughout her youth, her parents promised her they’d save for and pay for her college. But when the client was 16, the parents reneged on their promise. Because of this the client felt her parents betrayed her. She bitterly resented their decision and that bitterness festered in her.

An angel disguised as a devil

The betrayal was personal for her. So, when she had a child out of wedlock, something she didn’t want in the first place, the client swore to “make things right” by not doing to her daughter what her parents did to her.

The problem with all of that is the Universe has an amusing way of showing us all how our bogus beliefs aren’t in our best interest. It will give us experiences reflecting our bogus beliefs right back at us. If you think all men interested in trans women are chasers, you’ll only meet that kind of guy, for example. If you believe all trans women are not passable or psycho, you’ll get that. In the client’s case, the Universe gave her a hellion daughter. And boy, did this young person torture her!

Their relationship was making the client miserable. Little did she realize, this daughter was an angel the client sent herself. The angel’s mission: to teach the client she has everything she needs within her, to stop blaming her parents, and to put herself first.

After weeks of learning to prioritize herself through what I offer, the client, after one particularly harrowing conversation with her daughter, decided to do just that. She cut her daughter off and the relief she felt was immediate. With each passing day, her relief grew.

Doubling down

Thirty days in, she was feeling great. But then, her old created reality, born of her belief “that’s what parents should do” reasserted itself. Her daughter reached out and kept reaching out. She wanted to “fix” their relationship. The client couldn’t resist. She felt pulled, by her belief, to reconnect. Which is what she did.

This kind of thing typically happens. A client will have an epiphany making their life much better. But then, old belief momentum draws them back into their old way of being, the being they left behind. Usually, when that happens, it shows the client why they would have been better off not letting that happen.

But there’s no way clients can get it wrong. For these kinds of “set backs” actually amplify their commitment to put themselves first. Which is exactly what happened with this client.

The reconnection was horrible. Nothing got “fixed”. And it reminded the client what had been absent for 30 days. It also put those past 30 days of relief, peace and ease in proper perspective. She wanted more of that. So she doubled down on cutting her daughter off.

The way to relief

Two weeks after her recommitment her husband said something remarkable over dinner.

“You seem really happy,” he told her. The client agreed, she did feel happy, happier than she had in decades. The husband credited that return to happiness to his wife cutting her daughter off. But the client knew it was primarily because she was putting herself first and that caused her to make a choice she otherwise would not have been able to do.

A week later, her husband once again noticed.

“It’s so good seeing you so happy,” he said. The client agreed. She said she was returning to the self she knew before her daughter “happened”.

Now, it’s not that the client doesn’t love her daughter. She loves her and wants the best for her. But she realizes that, to be happy, she must put herself first. And when she does that, she thrives. And as she thrives, eventually, her daughter will too. That must happen because the client’s experience and everything in it, including her daughter, reflects back to her, her inner state. Before, her daughter reflected the client’s inner turmoil. Turmoil born of expecting her parents to have put her first, when, obviously, they could not have.

Their decision not to pay for their child’s college was the right thing: they had to put themselves first. The client was making them wrong for doing what they knew was right. And so, the Universe, through her daughter, was showing the client the way to relief.

Putting ourselves first is the best way to personal happiness. (Photo by Lesly Juarez on Unsplash)

It’s all choice

And that’s the thing about realizing what comes from putting ourselves first. We realize no one is responsible for our happiness but us. And, no one can make us happy but us. Any other happiness source is fleeting, capricious and fickle. As such, such happiness sources are not in our best interest to put before the one relationship that really matters.

Meanwhile, as I mentioned before, everything in our experience improves when we do this. And so, the client’s daughter’s life must also improve, as she learns what her mother did: That she must put herself first and stop relying on her mother for her happiness…or anything else, including tuition, food and rent.

Relationships are not about people coming together, planning together, working out problems, coming up with solutions together, compromising, and investing in and extracting from each other what they need, all while claiming to love one another. Rather, each person is 100 percent responsible as a creator for creating the best version of their life.

When they do that, the whole world improves, but only for that person. In the meantime, those choosing a different life way fade out of that person’s experience. Then those reflecting the person’s new choice show up as reflections of that choice made.

This explains why so much variety in life experience exists. People are choosing, either deliberately or not, then the world reflects back to them the nature of that choice.

It’s all about unconditional love

This means, first cultivating a strong relationship with one’s self is paramount. When that happens, life reflects back to the person only the best things in life, because that’s just what happens when one puts themselves first.

Then, and only then, can a person create better versions of life AND better versions of people in their lives. They create versions of people by coming into the presence of another with their relationship with themselves so secure, that that other person has no choice but to reflect back to the creator a version of them matching what’s going on in the creator.

And when the creator achieves that, sees the person exhibiting the version of themselves the creator envisioned, and then revels in that, the manifestation of evidence of their creation, then that person being created feels that reveling as unconditional love for them. And that changes that person irreparably.

That’s why selfishness is so important. It can literally change human relationships. It does that through love, which is what ourselves have in abundance for us.

And that’s how we can influence others in the best way. “Influence” happens whether we know we’re doing it or not. Unfortunately, for most of us, we’re using that influence by recreating versions of people we don’t like, by complaining about their behavior, wishing they were someone that they’re not, or complaining in general.

Meanwhile the one relationship that empowers us to have a different experience of all we experience awaits us. That relationship is all unconditional love. And when we prioritize that relationship, we become that: Unconditional love.