Are Straight Men Into Transgender Women?

Berwin coroza - Relationship Beliefs matter FB blog
Photo: Berwin Coroza

A transgender woman today asked the following questions about her ex boyfriend who is showing renewed interest in wanting to have sex with her.

We get this kind of question sometimes at The Transamorous Network.

We decided to share our answer because it could be useful for other transgender women having similar questions.

We’ve expanded our answer for clarity.

Here’s what she wrote. We have edited it for clarity also:

My ex boyfriend said he likes me and he just want[s] to [have] sex with me. But he doesn’t like my p[e]nis. He said he likes only vagina. But [he] still want[s] to [have] sex with me. What [does this] actually mean? [I]s he denial or he [can’t] find [a] cis woman? But he is super cute…Are straight men really [into] transwomen? [O]r [do] GAMP (Gynoandomorphilc) m[e]n…like TS girl more?
Our answer:
If we were you, we would not focus so much on labels. Or try to understand men by putting labels on them.

We would particularly pay NO attention to the GAMP theory. It is a story that demeans who you are.

For men to fit in these categories and for the categories to be valid, then the theory’s reference to you (as a transgender woman) must also be valid, which demeans you as a person.

So it is self-mutilating to think about that theory: Standing in that story, you can not have a productive relationship with a trans-attracted man. How can you when you are wondering about the validity of how the guy feels about you?

Instead of asking the very general question “are straight men really [into] transwomen” We would be asking “is this particular man REALLY INTERESTED in ME?”

This question is far more relevant.

You’d be better off putting all your attention on your personal life experience. Instead of trying to understand about ALL men’s feelings about ALL transgender women, which is a hugely varied set of opinions you will likely not clearly understand ever – because they are constantly changing – it is more productive, and relevant to keep your nose in your own affairs.

That means asking: is he interested in me?

Here are some questions that are even more valuable :
  • Do I consider myself more than my trans status?
  • If so, why am I so concerned about others’ opinion about this part of me [my trans status] which is a very small part of the WHOLE ME?
  • What kind of sex am I wanting? Do I want casual sex, or am I more interested in something meaningful? (neither is better than the other, but you want to understand where you are so you make wise choices)
  • If a person just wants to have sex with me, is he really showing interest in me as a person? Or as a masturbatory tool? In other words, am I being treated as a means to this person’s sexual gratification alone, or am I being seen as a person, with my own desires and interests?
By asking these questions you start to understand yourself more. You begin to understand the stories creating your life experience.
Armed with that information, you now have some freedom to choose new stories. Ones that will serve you far better, by connecting you with people who match those better stories.