After getting a nice, long and quite polite email about sex between transwomen and cis-men, we had to do a show to comment on the points the person who wrote the comment made. Check out our blog to see the comment in full, or just watch this episode of our show.
I’m really excited we here at the Transamorous Network are meeting so many new and interesting people. We’re even starting to get mail. Nice. Like this one, which we really, liked so much, we did a show on it.
Just curious, will you be delving into the realities of sex with trans women? Without getting too into it, I’m one half of a trans/trans couple, and I feel like this is one of the absolute least talked about issues with men who are attracted to trans women. I’ll get a little blunt here: Often trans attracted men cross into “chaser” territory solely by virtue of refusing to understand that sex with trans women VERY rarely looks like the porn they’re watching. The majority of trans women (I’d even venture to say the vast majority) are some combination, or at least one of the following: 1. Unable to top- Hormone Replacement Therapy can make a trans woman’s erections not “fully functional” in the sense that they cannot penetrate with their genitals. 2. Uninterested in, or more likely actively turned off by topping. 3. Has some form of Genital and/or sexual role dysphoria. Most trans women I know fall into all three categories, and the rest generally fall into a mixture of 1 and 2, or 1 and 3. The girls who do not fall into these categories aren’t porn stereotypes either, and often have many of the same sexually submissive desires that the trans women above do. Being a trans person myself I’m very aware of how entitled cis people can be in terms of our bodies, and trans women get the brunt of this even more. Sexually charged messages that turn trans women off and distress them instead of the opposite are the norm. I feel like if a trans attracted man wants to be considered just that instead of a chaser, he should be aware of these realities, be aware of the fact that trans women often have complicated relationships with their bodies and that you’re unlikely to find a Bailey Jay clone to date, that sex is not all about What Can This Trans Woman’s Penis Do For Me?, and more. Trans women are treated like they are broken and wrong by entitled men if they do not fit the unrealistic porn stereotypes, and I think that needs to change. If your (note that I’m using the ‘general you’ term here) sole interest, or the majority of your interest in trans women is for sexual reasons that come from manufactured porn where dominant, fully functional TGirl Tops romp through your dreams, I cannot help but feel that dating trans women out in the real world is going to not only be less than a useless venture, that you are going to actively harm and demean the trans female community, a group that already has an extremely hard time finding real, genuine people to be interested in them as the women they ARE and not the sex toy that these men WISH they WERE. I’d be very interested in hearing your thoughts on this, as would my girlfriend.