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What is love?

What is loveOn this Valentines Day, it’s a timely opportunity to explore Love. What is that?

Is it weak knees, fluttering heart, goo-goo eye stares, candies and dinners? Is it an expression? Is it “love” when someone does something for you, something you want them to do, or expect them to do? Or is it “love” when sweet nothings the focus of your affection talks “sweet nothings”? Or is it that feeling you have just after sex with someone you deeply care about?

If these experiences, objects and responses to others’ actions is love, then why does it so quickly turn to frustration, anger, rage, hate, annoyance, bother, impatience, jealousy, obsessiveness, fear, intimidation and more?

Love is none of these. Love is not something you feel for another. Love is an advanced stage indicator that comes with practice. Love, the kind I believe in, is a feeling a person has about him or herself, that indicates something. In the sign, that person’s reality changes, or rather, the negative stories that person uses to create reality falls away, revealing a reality consistent with that person’s dreams and desires, including a relationship that works, families who love them, and joy, joy joy.

Period.

Love comes when you choose to stand in awe of your own invulnerability, the place where you create your stories which create your reality. It’s a joyful, inviolable response you can feel. Love doesn’t turn into other emotions.  It stands on its own.

Sometimes you have to choose continuously, second-by-second even. Especially in the face of realities your negative stories create. Over time, however, you create a permanency. You stand there in love. And all is right.

The former love –that stuff people do in your reality that makes you love them – that love needs people behaving a certain way. That love is not dependable. The latter love endures, as it needs nothing: in it you already have everything.

Love is a practice. Love is a gift: to yourself. Not your partner, or your relationship.  Here in The Transamorous Network you’re going to learn how to create your reality deliberately and not like a loose cannon. You’ll take back control over your life.

When you do, you’ll stand in your invincibility. Guaranteed.

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A taste of nostalgia

Network Video Channel Flowers

 

https://youtu.be/18GfEsilmVQ

(Transamorous Network Video Channel)  A while ago, in 2011, I created this video expressing my feelings for Transwomen. I had it unlisted on my personal YouTube Channel. I’m going to re-record a similar video. In the meantime, enjoy this bit of nostalgia.

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School’s in session

Transamorous Network Video Channel Logo

(Transamorous Network Video Channel) Transwomen are taking it upon themselves to school us guys. And it’s not all good! Listen. Just because a transwoman (or a cis-woman for that matter) is giving advice, doesn’t meant that advice is going to work for you! The advice this woman is giving is great – from her perspective.  She is telling you what she wants to see in your behavior, not what you need to know to succeed in finding your transpartner.

For example, she suggests that persistence is key.  Persistence at what?  What if you don’t have any transwomen in your area?  What if you believe you can’t meet a transwoman?  Even if you know of a transwoman, how can you be sure being persistent will pay off?  What if she’s not attracted to you?  Then you’re just being a dick.  What if you’re not the kind of guy for whom persistence is inauthentic?  Will being “persistent,” presuming you could muster, “persistence” pay off?

Not if persistence is not in your nature. You see, there are more factors at play, more powerful factors at work than you simply being persistent.

This lovely woman is doing her best to offer good advice.  I applaud her desire to help us transamorous guys out.  I also love her sense of humor.  She’s right, there are so many transwomen out there who believe “good guys” don’t exist, that you’d think they don’t. But I know they do.  I know the transwomen who believe they don’t exist only believe that because their beliefs tell them so.  Use this advice to your frustration.

There is a better way to meet not only transwomen, but the transwoman of your dreams, the transwoman who is looking for you. After all, following this advice, how do you know the woman you gave your number to is even be attracted to you!  Such random acts of dating are so 1900s…

No, you don’t have to join a dating site.  No, you don’t have to frequent any bars.  All you have to do is be your authentic self, understand some basic principles I guarantee you are not now familiar with, apply some determination in changing the way you interact with your word and you will naturally, easily meet the transgender woman who is your perfect match. Guaranteed.

And you’ll have fun doing it.  I know because what I’m suggesting here is working for a lot of different people.

I’m sure transwomen like the beautiful Raven are well-intentioned giving their advice. But advice is like opinions and opinions are like ass holes: everyone has one and nearly all of them say more about the person who owns it, than it says about reality.

Let me help you.

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On Hari Nef

I found out about Hari Nef on Pinterest, where I have a board dedicated to my desire to find my transgender partner. Today I just saw her on Transparent, the Amazon series about an older transwoman, who makes her decision towards achieving freedom and happiness. Anyway, Hari looks fantastic on the show – remember, this is fantasy, it’s not life – and the show, this season seems (at least in the first couple episodes) to take it to another level from the stupendous start it had over a year ago.

I also caught cameos of other transgender notables. You think Hari is pretty? I do. But talking about how beautiful some transgender women are is not what this post is about, nor is this website or any other property of Transamorous Network dot com.

What this is bout the state of the nation…the transnation as I see it. Hari is just one more of a list of notable figures bound to emerge on society’s main stage as transpeople make their way to the mainstream. Meanwhile, many transgender women are living their ordinary lives far from stardom, experiencing their own lives, lives far from the fantasy we see in the media. There are plenty people talking about the challenges of being trans. I don’t lean that direction as I believe there is a divine plan in place which every transperson and transamorous person participates.

What is this “plan”?

There is a shift taking place right before our eyes. While Hari is at one end, there is a lagging, yet no less powerful other end emerging. That end is the rise of guys who aren’t going to shirk from their love of transwomen. The number of guys “out” about it is still miniscule. But that’s going to change. In the meantime, transwomen are going to find, more and more, refreshing changes in their environment as people like you, assuming you’re a transamorous male, begin to accept the natural part of you that you’ve been hiding or running from or avoiding.

Maybe this post will do the trick. Maybe it will be the videos on the way, or the Man’s Guide to Finding Your Transgender Partner (due out in a few weeks). Or something I haven’t even begun to create. But the state of the (trans)nation needs you man. It needs you, not your partial self you are being when you hide from your social circle this dramatically important part of who you are.

Hari Neff is hot. But you’re hotter. Because unlike Hari, your romantic attraction to transgender women can turn the life of a transgender woman on its head.

 

Photo credit: Hari Nef (Instagram)

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Why I really like Transparent

Screen Shot 2016-02-09 at 15.50.53 PM
The cast of Amazon’s Transparent

It’s because the transwomen on there seem real, albeit in concentrated form. Unlike the L word and other shows intending to showcase LGBTQ and other minority communities, transwomen in Transparent aren’t super hot, gorgeous, waifs superfeminized and successful. They are trying to make their lives work for them against many odds while doing the best with what they have as far as their bodies and brains take them.

Even the cis-characters are tapestries of the human condition. Sometimes extremely so. In fact, Transparent is a kind of amplified version of reality – like all fantasy that is TV. It concentrates problems characters face to concentrate drama thereby enhancing viewership. It’s engaging if you don’t take it too seriously.

As a transamorous male, I enjoy seeing a more accurate portrayals of transwomen to the degree Transparent can portray them. It is fantasy though. It will never accurately portray what every single transperson’s experience is no more than the Huxtables on The Cosby Show could for all blacks. The trans spectrum, like the human one, is broad. Which means there are many successful transwomen working in the everyday work world, doing things ordinary people do, living relatively invisible lives. To watch this show then believe you know something about a transperson may be a fair assumption, but a dangerous one. Still, it’s a good start if you’re just getting your feet wet.

I don’t love transparent because of it’s accurate portrayal of transpeople. I love it because it’s good entertainment about a subject I care deeply about.