Author: Perry Gruber

An entrepreneur making the world a better place than it already is.
Posted on

How Trans-Attraction Offers Potential for True Self Love

TL;DR: The author argues that trans-attraction dynamics repeat not because of blame or fetishization alone, but because relationships mirror unresolved beliefs, requiring lived integration rather than intellectual agreement to transform outcomes.

There is a particular frustration that shows up again and again in conversations about trans-attraction. It appears on all sides. Trans women describe feeling reduced, evaluated, or used. Trans-attracted men describe confusion, shame, and a sense that no matter what they do, they are already suspect. Cis partners describe a persistent sense that something important is being withheld from them. Different positions, same frustration.

What makes this dynamic especially charged is that everyone involved usually feels justified. Each person can point to real experiences supporting their interpretation. The problem is not that anyone is lying. The problem is that the explanations most commonly used to understand trans-attraction do not actually change what keeps happening.

When a pattern repeats, it is asking to be understood, not judged.

Consider Daniel. That isn’t his real name, but his story will be familiar. Daniel is thoughtful, intelligent, and deeply uncomfortable with the fact that he is attracted to transgender women. He’s afraid he’s gay. He does not see himself as predatory nor does he want to hurt anyone. Yet his behavior, when viewed from the outside, often causes exactly the harm he fears. Daniel compartmentalizes his attraction, hides parts of himself, and moves cautiously in ways that feel evasive to others. That’s what feels harmful to those he encounters.

Through all this, what Daniel experiences internally is panic. The moment attraction arises, a cascade of identity questions follows. He wonders what his attraction says about him, how it will be perceived, and whether it will destroy the life he has built. That fear makes honesty feel dangerous. It makes secrecy feel like safety. From that place, he tells himself he will figure things out later, once the panic settles.

For most such men, “later” never comes. Or it comes much, much later…

The Flip Side Persona

Now consider Elena. That also isn’t her real name, but her experience is just as recognizable. Elena is trans, perceptive, emotionally intelligent, and well acquainted with being misread. She has encountered men who treated her as an experiment, a fantasy, or a private indulgence. Those experiences taught her to read signals quickly and to trust patterns more than promises.

When a man approaches her, she notices tone, pacing, and subtext. She listens for hesitation and watches for deflection. Often, she is right. Her discernment has protected her. At the same time, however, something else has quietly happened. Anticipation has begun to replace curiosity. The story about what’s going to happen gets written before it actually happens.

Neither Daniel nor Elena is wrong. Yet when they meet, something familiar unfolds anyway. Daniel senses Elena’s guardedness and feels confirmed in his fear of being seen as dangerous or defective. Elena senses Daniel’s hesitation and feels confirmed in her belief that men like him are “tranny chasers”. Each reaction reinforces the other and the loop closes.

It’s also the point where many explanations rush in. Some name fetishization. Others name transphobia. Some name trauma. Each explanation contains truth. None of them, however, explain why Daniel keeps meeting Elenas who feel closed, or why Elena keeps meeting Daniels who hesitate or misstep at the same moment.

This is where mirror consciousness becomes unavoidable. “Mirror Consciousness” is a new name I’m applying to the approach I use to help clients create lives they love.

Trans-attraction is a function of “mirror consciousness”. It is an amplified version of what happens in all relationships.

Enter “Mirror Consciousness”

Mirror consciousness does not ask who is at fault. It asks what is being revealed. Instead of treating attraction as a moral test, it treats it as a diagnostic field. Certain dynamics activate unresolved material faster than others, and trans-attraction is one of those dynamics. That dynamic affects both trans women and trans-attracted people. It brings questions of worth, identity, and visibility to the surface, in both parties, with remarkable speed.

In that sense, trans-attraction is not uniquely broken. It is uniquely efficient.

Fetishization does exist, and when it occurs, it is real harm. However, not every painful interaction is the result of being reduced to an object. Some pain arises when someone sees a part of us we have not yet learned to hold ourselves. In those moments, discomfort does not come from being used, but from being mirrored.

This distinction matters because the two experiences require different responses. Objectification requires boundaries and exit. Mirror activation requires integration. When everything is labeled fetishization, the object in the mirror is never examined. Instead we project with blame. Meanwhile, the mirroring continues, only with new faces.

Daniel’s avoidance is not the source of the dynamic. It is the symptom of a fractured self-relationship. Until he can relate to his attraction without shame, his presence will feel unstable to others no matter how respectful his intentions. Elena’s vigilance is not the source of the dynamic either. It is the product of experience layered with anticipation and expectation. Until curiosity is allowed back into the encounter, discernment will quietly harden into certainty, negative expectation and, when what she expects shows up, blame.

Blame freezes both positions.

Blame Versus the Mirror

Blame feels protective because it offers clarity. It establishes who is responsible and who is harmed. What it does not do is allow movement, expansion and love. Once Daniel is fixed as a problem and Elena is fixed as a gatekeeper, nothing new can occur. Roles replace relationship. Prediction replaces discovery.

Mirror consciousness, on the other hand, introduces movement by returning causality inward without moralizing it. Instead of asking, “Who is doing this to me?” it asks, “What is this showing me about what is active in me right now?” That question does not deny harm. It changes where power lives. It also creates room for love. Love for ourselves and love for the other.

This shift cannot be achieved through insight alone. The few interested in going beyond repetitive patterns often understand mirror consciousness intellectually long before they trust it. But understanding does nothing here. What moves things forward is confirmation. When someone experiments with changing their internal relationship and observes that what shows up externally changes in response, the framework stops being theoretical.

Daniel notices this when he stops managing how he is perceived and begins relating honestly to his own desire. Without forcing conversations or seeking approval, he finds that interactions unfold differently. The urgency softens. The need to hide recedes. People respond to him with less suspicion because he is no longer suspicious of himself.

Elena notices this when she allows herself to stay present just a moment longer than habits born of pain dictate. Without abandoning discernment, she lets new information arrive. Some encounters end quickly, as they should. Others surprise her. The sameness breaks not because men have suddenly improved, but because her internal orientation shifted.

These changes are subtle. But they are unmistakable to the people experiencing them. People like my clients.

Real Change Through Relationships

This is why the idea of being “emotionally ready” before relationship is misleading. Readiness is not a prerequisite. It is an outcome. Every relationship we enter is one we are already prepared for, even if it challenges us. Relationships are not auditions for love. They are the environment in which love is nurtured, clarified, received and given.

From this perspective, there are no false starts. There are no wrong or bad relationships. There are only stages we move through so that we become more of what we are.

Self-preservation plays an important role here. Many trans women transition because the alternative – suicide – is unbearable. That is not always the case, of course. But for those others, the alternative to transitioning (remaining male-presenting) is an unbearable alternative. More unbearable than facing social repercussions associated with transitioning. So transitioning is more an act of self preservation than self love.

And while self-preservation stabilizes life; it does not automatically change attraction patterns. Self-love, in the deeper sense, alters momentum. It changes what feels familiar and what becomes available. I’m dubious that trans women transition as an act of self love therefore. If it were, transitioning as an act would bring with it new, loving reality experiences reflected in the mirror of life, especially in how the trans woman feels about their life. Such reality experiences don’t usually happen. At least not for trans women I encounter online, through my work and the work of others, like this person’s work.

Experimentation: the Way Out

The same is true for trans-attracted men. Avoidance may protect them temporarily, but it does not resolve the internal split that creates repetition in the mirror. Only integration does that.

Mirror consciousness is not a moral upgrade. It is not about becoming better people. It is about becoming more internally coherent. When coherence increases, the relational field reorganizes accordingly. Learning to tell better-feeling stories about everything in one’s life is the first step to gaining internal coherence.

This framework is not for everyone. It does not comfort anger. It does not validate “truth”. It does not provide villains. What it offers instead is authorship based in love. For those exhausted by repetition, that tradeoff becomes appealing.

When the mirror is seen, the pattern does not need to be fought. It dissolves on its own.

Trans-attraction will continue to be discussed, debated, and moralized. Those conversations have their place. For people ready to stop cycling through the same sucky relationship dynamics, or the dynamics comprising their life experience, a different lens is required. One that cannot be adopted through argument, but only through lived experimentation.

Understanding this intellectually changes nothing. Living it changes everything. If you’re ready to live it, I invite you to contact me.

Posted on

How This Trans Woman Manifested a Better Lover

I manage the this blog as well as another, called Positively Focused. Positively Focused also has a YouTube channel. On that channel I dive deep into the Positively Focused practice, which is the same practice I talk about on this blog.

A transgender client recently created for herself a remarkable series of events using the practice I walk clients through. It was worthy of a YouTube video celebrating the experience because she thought what happened was impossible….until it happened. I thought it so good I would share it here with my readers of this blog. I think you’ll find it remarkable. Definitely worth watching…

Trans women, like all people, are powerful creators. The best way to express that creative ability is by telling better stories. Like Samira has done, you can do the same thing. Nothing stands between you and getting what you want but you. Samira figured this out (pretty quickly). You can too.

Posted on

When The Honeymoon Ends, Powerful Truths Work Magic

TL;DR: In this post the author explores how a trans-attracted client learns that emotional alignment, not reassurance, determines relationship outcomes, revealing why practicing telling better-feeling stories transforms conflict, stabilizes love, and changes relationships for the better.

Last night, a man left an anonymous comment on one of my The Transamorous Network articles. The gist was: If a man is attracted to a penis, he must be gay. Trans women aren’t real women.

It wasn’t an honest question or a reach for understanding. What it was was the old cultural reflex—a stunted, fear-based assertion from someone absolutely certain they already know everything.

I deleted the message.

I deleted it because I’m not interested in hosting dead-end consciousness in a space meant for expansion, which this blog is absolutely about: expansion.

The irony, of course, is that the very belief expressed in that comment is exactly what causes so many trans-attracted men to deny themselves, hide, sabotage, and settle for relationships that never fit. It also creates trans women who hate themselves and, as a result of that self-hate, project that self-hatred on to trans-attracted men.

And that brings me to “Bob.”

Bob is a Transamorous Network client. He’s a good guy. A sincere guy. He’s also in a relationship that could become the relationship of his life… if he learns what most people never do: That Bob is the common denominator in every relationship he’s ever had.

Learning that opens a doorway to everything everybody wants in relationships. And in everything else.

The Honeymoon Begins

Bob met a trans woman I’ll call “Maria.” When he met her, she was doing sex work. She’s been doing that for a very long time, here in the U.S. and abroad. She also transitioned young.

So yes: Maria carries a lot of negative momentum – disempowering beliefs about many subjects. These subjects include men, relationships, sex, safety, worthiness, power and what love costs. Most of all, however, she holds disempowering beliefs about what she, herself, deserves. In other words, she, like many trans women, and trans-attracted men, has self-worth issues.

And Bob? Bob has his own negative momentum too—years of painful relational patterning with unsavory cis gender partners, repeated betrayals, repeated instability, repeated “here we go again” endings. Bob’s disempowering beliefs drive all of that. And all of that is exactly what drew Bob and Maria together. For Bob and Maria are perfect matches. Just like any two people in any relationship.

So when they met, the honeymoon hit hard. It hit so hard, Bob only saw the perfect in Maria. He saw her beauty, her focus. Bob appreciated the straightforwardness and determination Maria possessed, which was born of her many years of having to fend for herself. He embraced how unusually self-possessed Maria seemed compared to women of his past. Part of his astonishment was Maria is the first trans woman he’s ever met, let alone dated.

So all this swept both Bob and Maria up in a whirlwind nearly everyone finds themselves caught up in during the honeymoon stage of a fresh relationship.

When The Bubble Pops

I knew that stage wouldn’t last and tried to warn Bob what lay beyond that temporary phase so he could get ahead of it. But Bob couldn’t hear me over the din of strong momentum about what he thought was a perfect match. It IS a perfect match. But not in the romantic, almost fairy-tale way Bob perceived it.

But Bob would have nothing other than what he perceived. As a result, in a little over 6 months in, Bob proposed. Then he bought a ring. He promised to financially support Maria so she could stop the sex work. His commitment to Maria was total.

Again, he did all of this while the relationship was still suspended in that intoxicating early bubble—when both people are mostly projecting their highest hopes onto the other person and interpreting everything through the lens of it’s meant to be.

Bob and Maria can have the love they see the potential of. But at least one of them must take matters into their spiritual hands.

That’s precisely when the honeymoon ended. Just as it always does. When the honeymoon ends, what surfaces is not “the truth” about the other person. What surfaces is more illusion, only this time born of dominant negative momentum. It’s our dominant negative momentum of beliefs, born of past experience we interpret negatively. Those negative interpretations dictate how our future life goes, how relationships go and how people we meet show up in our lives.

And since that momentum is negative, we begin seeing those things which confirm our negative beliefs in our current relationship. That is where Bob is now. Maria too. And last night, for the first time in a long time (35 sessions) Bob actually saw the value of what I offer clients.

A Vicious Pattern of Momentum

One of the most destabilizing moments for Bob has been realizing something I’ve been saying for months: Maria hasn’t changed. She hasn’t gone from this perfect, ideal lover and potential wife to something less than that. Not really. What’s changing is Bob’s interpretation of Maria—because his own negative belief momentum is now active enough to hijack his perception. That’s what happens when “the honeymoon is over”.

We meet someone. We project our ideals onto the other person. Then we attach to them and in doing so lose ourselves. Then we try building a future with that person, the person we’ve created from our idealized ideations. Typically we try building that future fast.

But then the idealized projection collapses. And it collapses because the belief momentum built on idealized ideation can’t prevail against decades of negative momentum born of past experience. When that collapse happens, self-incrimination, blame and anger surfaces. Bob sees it as an entire different version of him. “Dark Bob” he calls it.

Dark Bob wants to say to Bob things like “Maria is not who I thought she was.” “She tricked me.” “I was wrong about her.” “She’s a threat.” “I can’t trust her.” “Love isn’t real.”

But none of that needs to drive Bob’s experience. What did happen, however, is typical of most people in relationships. Especially cis-trans relationships. Here’s the thing: unless Bob (and you, dear reader) does something about his disempowering, negative beliefs on a number of subjects, beliefs born of decades of feeding them, any perceived negative act Maria displays will trigger those old beliefs. Those old beliefs generate an emotion. And that belief/emotion construct becomes the lens through which Bob perceives Maria and acts in response to her.

Bob isn’t alone in this.

The Mirror Doesn’t Need Blame

The exact same thing is happening in Maria. When she allows old habitual beliefs, beliefs based on survival, threat and insecurity, to dominate, she too feels emotions, then perceives Bob through her distortion. When that happens, she acts from that distortion.

Now both people are blaming each other for what the mirror is showing them. That’s right. In every relationship, but particularly romantic ones, each partner reflects back to the other, whatever beliefs are dominant in that person. This is a constant, fundamental principle of how the Universe works. Life experience is a reflection of what emanates from within us.

Where else do you think life experience comes from?

And because of this, we each possess tremendous potential to deliberately create life experiences filled with nothing but what we want. Including ideal lovers. Doing that, however, requires knowing the people (and events and circumstances) are mirrors. And knowing that criticizing, blaming, attacking, or belittling a partner is totally missing the point.

It’s like blaming your reflection for having spinach in your teeth.

In every relationship, your partner is reflecting back to you what you carry in yourself.

Bob described moments where Maria would get internally activated. She’d be jealous, express anger (the flip side of powerlessness), or frustrated at Bob. These are all emotions. He also described moments where he would get internally activated. He’d get defensive, self-critical, fearful or feel disrespected. These are emotions too. And here’s the part that matters: Both of them are bringing the capacity to “snap” into this relationship.

Snapping at one’s partner doesn’t mean we’re bad people. It’s just a pattern we’ve practiced. A pattern born of amplifying negative belief momentum. It happens when very strong negative beliefs take us over. When they do, we have no other alternative but to act in ways consistent with the emotion (anger, fear, threat, insecurity) we feel. That’s what “snapping” is.

You Can’t “Manage” Your Partner’s Triggers

That snapping—whether it becomes arguments, accusations, emotional withdrawal, or dramatic escalation—exists both in Bob’s and Maria’s past. That’s why their previous relationships went the way they went. So now, they’re meeting these behaviors again…together.

And if they don’t understand what is happening, they’ll do the usual human thing: react, blame, justify, and repeat. But if even one person in the relationship learns how reality works—if one person learns how to stay in empowerment, sovereignty and love—then the relationship becomes something else entirely.

It becomes what I call the pearl-maker. The grit in the oyster becomes the pearl because the oyster doesn’t treat grit as an enemy. Negative experiences in relationships are the grit in this case. These experiences offer tremendous opportunity for everyone involved. Most people miss the opportunity though.

One of the most subtle traps Bob fell into is one that looks like love, but isn’t. It’s the trap of emotional responsibility. He described trying to behave in ways that would keep Maria from getting triggered. For example, Maria’s insecurity is so strong, even if she perceives Bob looking at a trans prostitute, she gets on his case. She accuses him of wanting more than she can offer. She expresses fear that she can’t satisfy him. This, of course, drives Bob crazy. That’s because he’s not feeling any of that. And no matter what words he uses, he can’t convince Maria otherwise.

So instead, he’s beginning to box himself in. He’s very careful to not even glance in the general direction of a prostitute, in hopes of keeping Maria’s mental finger off her trigger.

This is common in all relationships because people often carry social pressure and internalized shame—so the instinct becomes: “Let me be careful so I don’t rock the boat.” But that carefulness is poison. Because now we’re not relating as two sovereign adults. Instead we’re relating as two disempowered people trying to control outcomes. Outcomes born in vibration (thought, belief, focus, stories). Outcomes that have manifested already.

And no one can control those.

Finding and Holding the Center

What I offer clients is ruthless on this matter. You cannot be responsible for how your partner feels. And they cannot be responsible for how you feel. If Maria is insecure, Bob cannot “fix” that insecurity. He can’t do it by shrinking himself, censoring himself, or contorting himself into a performance of safety. No can he fix it through words.

If he tries those routes they just teach Maria that her insecurity is valid and that Bob is dangerous unless managed or controlled. And there is nothing humans like less than being controlled. Controlling Bob is not empowering for Maria. And it’s not authentic for Bob.

So what’s the alternative? Bob must become the one who holds the center of their relationship. Not by controlling Maria. Nor by forcing her to change. Not by changing himself either. Instead, he must refuse to collapse into interpretations alive in him that rise to the level of conscious awareness whenever Maria collapses into interpretations alive in her when they rise to her conscious awareness.

This is where the practice becomes real. After all, anyone can be loving when everything is easy. But can you be loving when your partner is projecting? Can you stay in clarity when your partner is chaotic? Can you stay open when your partner is defensive? How about when your partner is showing you they’re “ugly”? This is what I show clients how to do.

And when they do, they become a stabilizing field. And when they become that stabilizing field, reality reorganizes around them. Including other people.

In order for Bob to get what he wants with Maria, he’s got to stabilize his field and rest in his sovereign power. That comes from refusing to collapse into Maria’s insecurities.

The Equation That Changes Everything

Here is the equation I gave Bob—an equation I’ll keep giving him until it becomes muscle memory: When you feel negative emotion, you are allowing thoughts that will create more reality experiences that include what you’re feeling negative about. Nothing else is responsible for that negative emotion, or for what you experience. Period.

Thought creates the emotion. It’s really vibration, but hardly anyone has access to the frequency they’re vibrating. My advance clients learn to access that, but that level of mastery isn’t necessary to radically change relationships (and the potential for having fulfilling relationships).

If you’re up to speed with what you’re reading this should be obvious. Clients who’ve been with me a while find it obvious: Your negative emotion is not evidence that your partner is wrong, nor is it evidence that they did anything to you.

What your negative emotion tells you is you are interpreting the moment through distortion. When Bob feels defensive, it’s because he is telling himself a story in which Maria is an attacker. But Maria is not attacking him. Not ever. She might be projecting her fear. She might be expressing her insecurity in a clunky way. Or she might be reacting from a lifetime of survival momentum, blaming Bob in the process and making a mess of their relationship. But that is not an attack.

What is it? It’s a mirror showing what’s inside Bob.

And if Bob uses the mirror correctly, he can do something extraordinary: He can tell a better-feeling story. Not a fake story, not a delusional story. A better-feeling story—one that aligns with love, clarity, and empowerment. When he does that consistently, he becomes unconditionally in love. Love is an emotion. In other words, he doesn’t need his external conditions to be a certain way in order for him to feel a certain way.

That is creative power.

Freedom Found in Love

Because when Bob stays in love, he stops reacting to Maria’s defenses born of her negative belief momentum. He stops feeding her insecurity. Bob stops reinforcing her old story about men, relationships, and about herself. And as he changes, as he remains sovereign from her negative momentum, something else remarkable must happen: the version of Maria he experiences must change. She must change to match his higher vibrational stability in love as his mirror.

This won’t happen because Bob pressured her. It will happen because Bob stopped practicing aligning to the reality in which he rendezvous with the Maria who feels unstable, unsafe, or unworthy.

There’s a lot at stake for Bob. They’ve exchanged engagement rings. He’s planning to relocate to Mexico permanently. There’s a future on the line. And for the first time since engaging with the practice I offer, Bob is waking up to a new reality. One that asserts this practice isn’t a philosophical luxury. It’s a relational necessity.

That’s why he recently asked to see me more than just once a week. Now that he’s ready, I’m starting him on a daily appreciation practice in the morning—when things are calm—so he can build the muscle memory before the “shit hits the fan” with Maria. Because when the fan gets hit, he won’t rise to the occasion. He’ll default to what he’s practiced. And if Bob defaults to his old, practiced momentum, this relationship will become another painful chapter.

But if Bob defaults to deliberate alignment—if he becomes the one who holds the center—then Maria does not have to be “fixed” for this relationship to become a pearl. She only has to be met. Met with unconditional love. If all trans-attracted men and trans women could offer this real, powerful unconditional love, every cis-trans relationship would be glorious.

That’s the path I offer my clients. It’s the power inherent in better-feeling stories. And it’s based on the one constant of the Universe. A constant every major spiritual path outlines: Being 100% in love—on purpose—no matter what, leads to fulfillment, joy and expansion.

If you recognize yourself in Bob, or perhaps as a trans woman see yourself in Maria, you could benefit from learning what I offer my clients.

It makes a world of difference. Every one of my clients know this. You can too. Reach out if this resonates. I’d be happen to talk with you initially for free.

Posted on

How This Trans Woman Found a New Way to Love

TL;DR: The author recounts how a transgender client’s ordinary grocery trip became evidence of shifting beliefs about love and marriage, revealing her emerging worthiness and the Universe’s gentle guidance toward the partnership she desires.

For many transgender people, the path to partnership can feel like walking through a hall of distorted mirrors. Every reflection seems to exaggerate a flaw, and every imagined future is filtered through the harsh experiences lived in the past. For “Samira”, a Palestinian transgender woman completing her psychiatric residency in the states, those mirrors have been especially unforgiving.

Cultural and family tensions, the psychological complexities of transition, and the daily navigation of autism in a world that often misunderstands it, have shaped Samira’s unconsciously chosen stories. She learned early to treat the opinions of others as more valid than her own. The world told her she was too different, intimidating, complicated and strange, not normal. And she believed all of it.

Despite this, Samira has always carried a longing for partnership. Something deep within her knows she is meant to be seen, cherished, and chosen. Yet this desire has long competed with powerful internal stories convincing her she is unworthy of such love. She fears men will not accept her gender history, that her Palestinian identity will be a barrier, that autism will complicate her ability to connect, and that the world is too hostile for someone like her to find true partnership.

Samira took on such stories after years of listening to others’, especially strangers, who rejected her as unlovable; as well as her own voice, which made up similar disempowering stories. Her own stories came from experiences Samira misinterpreted as punishment, or retribution, instead of evidence of her unfolding path.

A “Chance” Encounter Gets Things Started

When Samira first began working with me, she approached the work eagerly. The idea that life could respond to her differently than her stories suggested felt encouraging. Almost immediately she began feeling the quiet pull of her Broader Perspective. She has since started noticing subtle shifts in how she interprets her world, sensing that something softer, something more supportive is making its way into her awareness. Recently, that support revealed itself in a place she least expected — a grocery-store parking lot.

During our recent session, Samira mentioned her Sunday grocery run introducing it as “something you [meaning me, the author of this post] are going to like.”

She was right.

She described how she had enjoyed a peaceful drive that morning, taking in the beauty of the landscape and feeling unusually at ease. That ease matters. It placed her in a receptive, aligned state without her even realizing it.

Before she knew it, Samira found herself lost. She knew the store was near, but she didn’t know where. At the corner stood a man smoking a cigarette. Samira asked him where the grocery was. Right around the corner, he said. She thanked him and drove into the grocery store parking lot.

The moment took a surprising turn when she parked her car. As she got out, the same smoking man from the corner appeared. Apparently, he had followed her to the store. Samira initially brushed off this second interaction as coincidence. And yes, she also felt the man’s reappearance a little “creepy”.

“I just wanted to ask,” the man said. “Are you single?”

Samira also felt the man’s reappearance a little “creepy”. What it really was, however, was so much more.

The Ordinary Moment That Carried Extraordinary Meaning

Her retelling carried a mixture of amusement, cringe, and mild disbelief. Sabrina dismissed the creepy encounter as a quirk of American boldness, not anything extraordinary. She didn’t notice the vibrational significance this encounter presented. Little did she realize, Samira shared an experience totally contradicting every story she held around romantic possibility. She recounted the experience as if it were trivial, not recognizing that life had placed a small but potent piece of evidence directly in her path.

When I invited her to slow down and examine the moment from a more positive perspective, she we noted details she overlooked. She realized she had not been performing or masking any part of herself, something she complained about doing. Her autism was unfiltered. Her femininity was natural. Samira felt relaxed and open. She moved through the encounter as Samira, not trying to be something for another. And yet someone found her interesting enough to approach her — twice — and take a gentle emotional risk.

The encounter wasn’t coincidence. Nor was it an example of men being indiscriminately forward. It was subtle evidence of alignment — an early manifestation emerging from a softened vibrational field representing her better-feeling stories. Samira’s Broader Perspective orchestrated this encounter as confirmation of that. What she effortlessly manifested: A man seeing her in a way she rarely sees herself: as desirable, approachable, and worth getting to know. The encounter bypassed her practiced fears and resonated with the deeper truth she is beginning to allow.

That’s what I pointed out to Samira.

The Universe Speaks Softly Before It Speaks Loudly

As Samira reflected on the interaction, she recognized how effortlessly it unfolded. She wasn’t trying to make a good impression. Nor was she hiding her identity or compensating for imagined shortcomings. She wasn’t bracing for rejection or anticipating danger. The moment flowed naturally from the joy she already experienced on her drive. That joy softened her resistance. It made room for life to deliver something new—something that spoke directly to her heart’s desire.

Manifestations often begin this way. Before the larger dream arrives, the Universe offers small, unmistakable indicators that the old story is losing momentum. These early signs are invitations to embrace a new story.

Samira didn’t meet her future partner in that parking lot, but she did meet the leading edge of her new reality. And there she met a reflection showing her she has always been worthy of love, even when her beliefs said otherwise.

Delivering Alignment in Perfect Timing

The real power of the moment, however, lies in how this encounter shifted her internal landscape. She no longer has only conceptual arguments about her worthiness. She now has lived experience, evidence, a moment that cannot be dismissed or rationalized away without effort.

Samira met a man who responded to her energy, her presence, and her femininity without hesitation. She saw that she doesn’t need to alter herself to receive interest. She only needs to continue allowing her alignment to guide her.

And as she integrates this experience, Samira steps into a new chapter of her romantic journey. The story she once told about her future is dissolving. Meanwhile something softer, truer, and more expansive grows within her. Her life is preparing her for the love she seeks, revealing the delightful encounter piece by piece in moments she could never predict.

This is how the Universe delivers results on our alignment—gently, unexpectedly, and with perfect timing.

Perhaps you’re ready for your version of what Samira got. If so, slots are available on my calendar. Contact me.

Watch the video version of this story on our Positively Focused YouTube sister channel:

Posted on

When Trans-Attraction Challenges Love: Martha’s Hidden Gift

TL;DR: The author shares Martha’s story—a cis woman and her trans-attracted partner—to show how even relationships that seem doomed can serve deep personal and spiritual expansion.

Martha came to The Transamorous Network in despair. A cisgender woman living on the East Coast, she’s surrounded by LGBTQ friends, including several transgender women. Yet despite being open-minded, supportive, and caring, she found herself in a painful emotional knot.

At 37, Martha is divorcing her husband, raising a teenager, and struggling to find her footing financially. Her marriage ended after discovering her husband had been having sex with her while she slept—behavior she rightly identified as sexual abuse. That experience left her shaken, confused, and feeling powerless.

In the midst of this upheaval, she met “Jack,” a senior construction manager. For the last three years, Jack has provided emotional and financial stability. He’s been her partner through the divorce and a source of companionship when she’s felt most alone. But there’s a catch: Martha recently discovered that Jack has been secretly reaching out to transgender women in her local community.

A Painful Discovery and a Familiar Pattern

Through her transgender friends, Martha saw messages between Jack and several trans women. These communications made it clear that Jack has a long-standing attraction to trans women—something he denied when confronted. He admitted only to occasionally “indulging” when drunk, describing it as a taboo thrill.

Martha’s trans friends warned her that men like Jack rarely change, and that the relationship would end in heartbreak. Deep down, she agreed. Her intuition told her the same thing. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to leave. Financially, she’s dependent on him. Emotionally, she feels connected.

It’s easy to assume this is a story about betrayal or weakness, but what’s really happening here is something deeper. Martha and Jack are a perfect match—not because they’re soulmates in the romantic sense, but because they share the same vibrational patterns of uncertainty and self-worth. Each is reflecting the other’s negative belief-momentum.

Jack fears being authentic about his trans-attraction. Martha fears standing on her own. Both are learning through this relationship what it means to accept themselves.

When Love Isn’t Love (Yet)

During our conversation, I gently told Martha something she hadn’t considered: she doesn’t truly love Jack. She cares for him, yes. But real love is unconditional. It doesn’t depend on whether the other person changes, stays, or behaves the way we want.

If Martha loved Jack in the truest sense, she would love all of him—including his trans-attraction. That doesn’t mean she should tolerate dishonesty or abandon her boundaries. It means love, as a state of being, is unconditional.

The painful irony is that what she calls “love” is really fear—fear of being alone, fear of financial instability, fear of what her future might look like without him. She says she wants to stay because she loves him, but what keeps her there is insecurity. And that insecurity perfectly mirrors Jack’s. He stays in hiding because he, too, is afraid—of judgment, of rejection, of what his attraction says about him.

Their relationship isn’t broken. It’s perfectly designed to help them both face themselves.

Martha’s relationship with Jack can benefit both…even as it doesn’t last. And the two can depart in love.

Every Relationship Is a Stepping Stone

Most people think relationships are supposed to last forever, and when they don’t, something must have gone wrong. But from a spiritual perspective, that’s not how relationships work. Every connection serves a purpose. Some are long-term, some brief, but all are stepping stones toward greater clarity and self-understanding.

Martha and Jack’s relationship may never become the romantic ideal she wants. Yet, it’s still valuable. Jack provides the stability that allows her to rediscover her sense of worth and capability. Martha provides the compassion and safety Jack needs to begin accepting his authentic self as a trans-attracted man.

When both partners understand this higher purpose, even a relationship that ends can end beautifully—with gratitude, not resentment. That’s the gift of awareness.

So often we define success in relationships by longevity. But success isn’t measured in years together—it’s measured in how much both people grow into joy while they’re together.

When Letting Go Is the Loving Thing

Martha’s intuition is already telling her what’s coming. She knows Jack will eventually pursue a trans woman openly. She can sense that her time with him has an expiration date. And yet, she also senses that she’s not quite ready to walk away.

That’s okay. She doesn’t need to rush. What matters most is that she uses this time to rediscover her independence—to see herself not as a victim of circumstance but as a deliberate creator of her life.

If she can find her footing, she’ll eventually release Jack in peace, appreciating how much this relationship taught her about love, fear, and authenticity. She’ll also leave space for Jack to step fully into his truth—something every trans-attracted man must eventually do if he wants to live joyfully and honestly.

A New Way to See Your Relationship

Maybe you see yourself in Martha or Jack. Maybe you’re in a relationship that feels like it’s going nowhere, or one that feels painful but hard to leave. You might think the only solutions are to stay and suffer, or to leave and start over. But there’s another option: to see your relationship for what it really is—a co-creative opportunity for growth.

When we shift our perspective, we reconnect with our empowerment. We stop labeling the relationship as “failing” and start appreciating it for what it’s showing us about ourselves. That shift alone can bring relief, expansion, and, sometimes, a completely unexpected renewal of love.

Whether our relationship continues or ends, our expansion is guaranteed—if we let it be.

Conclusion: The Gift Hidden in Every Relationship

Martha’s story isn’t tragic. It’s beautiful. Beneath the pain lies a perfect design—two people reflecting each other’s unmet needs so they can find wholeness.

Every relationship, no matter how temporary or turbulent, offers the same opportunity. The question is whether we can see it.

If you’re in a relationship that feels stuck or doomed, don’t despair. You might not need to end it—you might only need to see it differently.

When you’re ready to discover what your relationship is really trying to show you, schedule a free 30-minute 1:1 session at The Transamorous Network. You may find that what looks like an ending is actually your next beginning.