“America is not the product of any one person, and each of us can make a difference and all of us ought to try.”
Imagine you and 10-15 of your peers investing in and personally and professionally benefitting from being a visionary originator of a new narrative which dramatically shifted how transgender people are seen. This shift resulted in fewer and fewer transgender murders in the U.S. and made transgender people more widely, socially accepted.
I’m Perry Gruber and I want to talk with you about The Transamorous Network.
What’s in it for you
You’re already recognized as a massive contributor to and a hero of the transgender community. I’m offering you a way to extend and enhance your prominence, by becoming a patron of our unique transformational service to transgender people and those who love them.
By becoming part of our work you can say “because of me, and my friends, we helped make the world a safer, more diverse place, a more welcome place for those who are just wanting to live their lives authentically.” We are making this invitation to only a few people, Kate.
What is The Transamorous Network?
As you may know, transgender women are being murdered at alarming rates. What’s interesting is that in more than 40 percent of these murders, the victim and the perpetrator were in some way engaged in an intimate transaction or relationship.
What’s more, the murderers have several things in common. Among them:
- Nearly all of them are men of color
- Most of them are trans attracted and were seeking to consummate that attraction
- All of them resorted to murderous violence out of fear of having their attraction discovered by their peers.
- Nearly all of them live in low-income areas
While everyone is talking about how to make transwomen safer, no one seems to be taking direct action to prevent murderous situations – by helping potential murderers not murder.
The Transamorous Network began as a personal passion of mine to help trans-attracted and transamorous men like myself proudly own their attraction as normal, beautiful and wholesome. I wanted to help men release shame that comes along with being trans-attracted, shame which exacerbates difficulties transgender women experience. My co-host and business partner, Remy Ilmatar, herself a transgender woman, deeply believes in our work.
We also create content which benefits transgender women. But we believe, as paradoxical as it may seem, that by having transamorous men come out and own their attraction to these beautiful people, to proudly form healthy relationships with them, and love them “out loud”, we unleash a massive potential transgender community ally.
What our work does
One of the number one things transgender women seek is acceptance and love, including self-love. As one woman who happens to be trans put it, “We crave intimacy”. Often they seek acceptance and love from family, but also they seek romantic love and acceptance, often from cis-gender men. What they tend to find as they seek romantic relationships, are men attracted to them, but only in the shadows, on the “down low,” as fetishes or worse.
The men are this way because they face intense social, peer, and self-inflicted pressure to deny their natural, wholesome attraction to these people, turning that attraction into a shameful aspect of who they are. A perversion or fetish. And there are very few resources that counter such interpretations. I know this because I once behaved in this way and sought help…to no avail.
Our content specifically speaks to these men…with powerful results:
“Thank you for being here. I cried buckets, for days, when I found this place and 30 years of fear, anxiety, secrecy, hiding, self judgment and shame finally had an avenue of release.”
– David K.
“[Once] I accepted that my sexuality was OK and that it could be expressed in a healthy & romantic way, I felt years of shame and stress melt away. It has been one of the most powerful and freeing experiences of my life.”
– Michael B.
What I discovered soon after launching The Transamorous Network was our work had an even more powerful effect. The men viewing and listening to our content are expressing massive emotional catharses in discovering they are not alone, that their attraction isn’t “a perversion” and that transwomen are worthy of their out-loud love. Transwomen are thanking us too. As are mothers of transgender children.
It’s a novel approach that is poised to have immense benefits to everyone.
Your participation can exponentially increase that potential, placing you in even greater prominence as a thought leader and transgender community advocate.
How we can work together
As I am just forming this vision, I invite your participation to the degree you’re comfortable. Our work has value. Sufficient funding will expand our capacity and ensure we’re well-resourced. I’m writing you to help me and Remy reach highly respected and successful allies of the transgender community, to give us feedback on our work and advise us as we progress. My primary ask of you is: to help us connect with others so we can succeed. We’d love to have you as a participant of an advisory board or similar capacity as we formalize our structure as well.
But let’s start by having you on our show! Then talk more about this proposal.
We’re eager to meet people of your caliber who see what we’re doing and resonate with it enough to help us amplify our results. We have documentation we’re developing which describes our initial plans including our initial fundraising strategy to reach out to plastic surgeons, doctors and other medical professionals who serve the transgender community. We plan to invite them to become significant patrons of this effort. Perhaps you have some other ideas?
Our plan generally:
We want to reach trans attracted men, particularly in low-income urban areas, and help them proudly own their trans attraction as healthy and normal.
We believe targeting low income, urban communities with low-cost, creative and eye-catching multimedia outreach campaigns can shape a new narrative in these communities, casting transwomen as WOMEN and trans-attracted men’s attraction as NORMAL and WHOLESOME. It can also make these communities a safer place for the transwomen who live there.
This outreach will happen in the “real world” using traditional print advertising strategically chosen to reach the targeted populations, and also online, using targeted online advertising methods.
The campaign’s “call to action” is encourage men to literally (initially) write, text or call us and talk with someone who can answer their questions, help them with their personal fears and stories and soothe emotions which trigger potential trans-violence. We’ll compliment this work with a media outreach and PR campaign in these communities to alert community leaders and the media of our work. Of course your support will be frequently mentioned. If you’re comfortable with that.
We’re planning to start small, with a pilot to test our approach in a single low-income, urban community or neighborhood. Learning as we go, we’ll broaden the effort as we succeed and receive more funding from other private patrons and corporate supporters.
We suspect this effort will also have influence on how transgender women see themselves and we may even launch a subsequent campaign designed to change transgender women’s stories which often have them choose to be with men that are high risk for violence.
Our planning is in the works now as we anticipate investment funding to fuel our efforts.
Of course, we will continue to conduct interviews and feature stories about trans attraction and cis-trans relationships. Our multiple online platforms, including our podcast, YouTube series and our Facebook Live series are all showing increasing viewership and subscribers. Through all these channels, we expect to reach men and transgender women all over the US while we target those communities where transgender women are at the greatest risk.
Who we are
Perry Gruber’s lively career compliments an equally lively personal and public life. In the last 30+ years, he was a US Marine combat correspondent, a spokesperson for a major US Federal Agency, and an executive at Intel Corporation. An identity crises in 2008 had Perry leave behind his financially rewarding career path to pursue purposes aligned with his passions to make the world a better place.
“My inspiration comes from my long-term, intimate experience with the transgender community and my personal experience being trans attracted,” He said. “I know deeply what these men are going through, why and what the trans-attracted journey looks and feels like. I have a deep calling that helping transgender people is not only the right thing to do, it is a personal passion of mine. We’ve gotten early, positive encouragement from both members of the transgender community and trans attracted men that our approach can be a positive benefit to all involved. But my biggest belief that it can work is my life: a demonstration of how living proudly as trans attracted can powerfully change one’s community.”
In addition to his non-traditional background, Perry earned his MBA in Business Ethics and Organizational Leadership from George Fox University, and has extensive ontological study through Landmark Education. He and his wife Bridget enjoy following their passions while living joyfully in Portland, Oregon.
Miss Remy Viviana Ilmatar, the Transgender daughter of a Hippie/Musician/Artist/Chef Puerto Rican Father and a Pharmacy Technician, Portuguese/Cherokee Mother, in the open minded and eclectic city of Oakland, CA., Where she attended art school and got her degree in Interior Design and Cosmetology.
Miss Remy is co-owner of The Transamorous Network.com – Where her purpose is helping to eliminate the shame and hate associated with being “the Trans-attracted man.” To assist people in finding true Joy, Love and the full authentic life you have always wanted, and is your birth-right; by cultivating your thoughts, words and deeds. By changing the stories we tell ourselves about how our reality works.
“I swear by the approach Perry is offering because it has literally changed my life in so many ways, I can hardly count them all,” She said. “After he asked me to edit The Man’s Guide to Finding Your Transgender Partner, I realized the material could help me. There is no doubt the approach can work. My life is living proof.”
Remy and I are eager to talk more with you about this work, Kate. It’s important and the time is now.
Perry & Remy